Tag Archives: #Triffid

I shot the Triffid (and I swear it was in self-defence).

Now, not everybody hates a Triffid (if you consider all life being valuable, you don’t have favourites – all are equal).

So, when (in self-defence, I hasten to add) I shot the top of a towering Triffid, I was mightily surprised when a young lady ran up to me clutching leaflets and a sad expression.

“You’ve killed it!” she cried. “What harm was it doing you? You ought to be ashamed of yourself! Why?”

All these exclamations and questions were not readily answerable to her satisfaction, and I was soon being issues with a notice under Regulation TR1, Section 5, Sub-Section 3, that stated I was formally warned that my actions had brought me in direct conflict with S.C.A.T. (Serious Crimes Against Triffids).

“Do you know S.C.A.T.?” she asked me.

“Without hesitation I broke into some Scat / Do-wop and braved her exasperated look for all of twenty seconds.

“Very recently.” I answered her question.

“What, about two minutes ago?”

“Yes.” I mumbled.

“We shall be watching you.” she warned, as she departed the scene.

I looked after her retreating form, then around at the Triffid trunk.

Shaking my head, I picked up my Triffid Gun, and headed back to my truck.

Triffid Haiku

This is my Triffid,

he’s house-trained and ev’rything;

but he spits a lot.

Triffid Haiku

Now that you can’t see,

advantage has changed to us;

prepare to ‘not’ be.

There is a Triffid in our garden (take 2)

There is a triffid in our garden

it’s over 12 feet tall

I don’t know how it got there

it probably climbed the wall.

It stands there like a statue

just waiting for the time

when it can get to eat me

so I no longer rhyme.

“There’s a Triffid in our Garden.”

There’s a Triffid in our garden,

and I don’t know what to do.

I asked it’s leave, ‘Beg pardon!’

but it refuses to let me through.

It ‘clacks’ all day,

and through the night,

and it’s a great big ugly brute,

I don’t know what it’s up to,

and it seems to bear no fruit.


His mate came round this morning,

they ‘clacked’ about the weather,

the football results, the price of fame,

the day they broke the tether;

then they sang a song,

a Triffid song,

all ‘boom!’ and ‘bash!’ all ‘chorus’,

it went on for hours,

made wilt my flowers,

and, personally, did bore us.


There are ‘two’ Triffids in our garden,

soon there will be eight,

I should have complained to the council,

but I may be a little late.


Well, if you can’t beat them,

join them;

I’ll sing them a jolly song,

perhaps, ‘Tubthumping’ will be just their thing

if I sing it a little long.

“Beware of the Triffid!”

A sign

I saw

one day

whilst out

last May

did warn

me to…

“Beware of the Triffid!”

Well, no Bill Masen, me,

you’d have to agree

if you saw my spindly frame;

and I have no weapons

to stun, or maim,

or kill;

and no will to do so,

no predatory skill,

but I can run away,

and have eyes that see.


I saw the sign,

and ran,

can you now see me?