Tag Archives: #StIves

As I was going to Saint Ives…

As I was going to Saint Ives…

I met a policeman collecting knives,

pieces of string, and that sort of thing;

nuclear devices and an incendiary rocket;

all the types of device I carry in a pocket.

As I was going to Saint Ives

I was stopped by a policeman collecting knives.

As I was (not) going to St. Ives

As I was (not)

going to St. Ives,

I thought I’d think upon my many lives;

the one where I was just a newt;

that season hanging as a fruit;

the lifetime spent waiting for Godot’s what;

the shortest day, as a Mayfly,

that I’d almost forgot;

the long half-of-an-hour trying vainly to survive;

or the hundred and twenty short years when Moses was alive;

and afternoons drinking gaily with my pals;

or night-time flights with a school of owls;

the briefest tenure as a living thing;

or a long, long, life sowing, then harvesting,

then sowing and harvesting,

as my father and son, wife and daughter,

had, and have, for centuries, done.

Having thought upon my many lives,

I then thought about all the times,

I had actually gone

to St. Ives.

TBC

As I was going to… have to explain the difference between St. Ive and St. Ives.

As I was going to…

have to explain this matter

at some point or the other,

why not do it now?

I will.

I’ll tell you how

I differentiate between the two,

because someone might think that they are one

and the same –

perhaps that someone might be you?

St. Ive is a small 4-Part village

in South East Cornwall

situated between

Liskeard and Callington,

that’s where it is usually seen –

it is also pronounced to rhyme with leave,

weave, and Adam and Eve.

St. Ives is down near the toe

of Cornwall,

there on the North Coast it lies;

in a beautiful seaside setting

with shops and cafés,

and all manner of seaside things,

not forgetting that there is nursery rhyme

to help you pass your holiday time.

‘As I was going to St. Ives

I met a man with seven wives…’

and so on.

The trouble is,

St. Ive

looks

quite like

St. Ives;

but, they are not really the same,

they just have a similar ‘looking’

name.

Why it isn’t St. Ive

St. Eve…?

well, only my friend Steve

could answer that –

but, he would be wrong.

As I was going to…

As I was going to…

Steve’s,

I took a wrong turning,

and went to St. Ives,

where I met a man

who had had many many wives

(None of them his own –

the naughty man)

and each wife

had a bone to pick,

and each bone was

a quarter inch thick,

and each quarter inch

wasn’t really that thick…

Man, wives, bones, thicks…

How many people we’re going to Steve’s?

As I was neither going to…

As I was

neither going to,

or from,

St.Ives,

Merrymeet,

Pensilva,

or Liskeard;

I found it rather hard

to even begin

to start

setting out,

or returning home,

as, so I’ve heard,

all roads tend to roam.

As I was, yet again, going to Saint Ives – rhymes with leaves.

As I was,

yet again,

going to St. Ives,

I saw a man

collecting leaves,

he said he had

most every leaf,

that ever there was,

I showed disbelief,

until he showed me his collection;

‘At least’, he said,

‘A select selection.’

I was amazed

by what I’d seen,

a leaf of brown,

and one of green,

he said he kept the rest at home,

and topped them up

when he did roam.

As I was going to St. Ives…

“As I was going to St. Ives…

I realised,

that I,

was heading

in the wrong direction.

I turned around,

retraced the ground

that I had so recently

traversed,

reversed my route,

you might say,

and carried happily

upon my way.

Where was I going to?

Obvs. I was off to Looe –

toodle-loo!”

Daylight Robbery – a song

As I was walking to St. Ives,

I met a man who sharpened knives,

he sharpened all my knives for me,

and then he charged me 50p

50p, 50p,

the crook he charged me 50p,

that was daylight robbery,

back in seventeen ninety-three.

(It was actually ten shillings,

but there may be some youngsters in the audience,

so I have metricated the sum involved)

50p, 50p,

the scoundrel charged me 50p.

As I was going to St. Ives…

As I was going to St. Ives…

(As there was a very recent earthquake of 0.9 magnitude recorded near there).

As I was going to St. Ives,

I counted up my remaining lives;

(from the original nine,

six were left;

of three of them,

I was bereft?

then the ground shook,

the earth moved;

you could tell by my look

that I never approved;

I met a man

with his entourage;

he had a plan

and he spoke it large,

“We’re leaving town,

it might fall down;

I normally smile;

but, look at this frown!”

I turned, and joined

his motley crew;

“We are going to Redruth.”

were words he said,

“Woo-hoo!” I replied.

But, secretly, I cringed a little bit inside.

As I was going to…

As I was going to…

As I was going to St. Ives

I met a man who picked up leaves;

he picked up nine and seven more,

he then dropped four,

and picked up five;

with how many leaves did I arrive?