Tag Archives: song

I’m Not Shakespeare – a song (W.I.P.)

I’m Not Shakespeare – a song (W.I.P.)

I’m not Shakespeare

But, I’m the closest thing you’ve got;

My name’s not William

but I write an awful lot

just like he did

when he was alive;

I’m not Shakespeare

and my latest work

is Veronese Gentlemen 5.


I was…

I was drowning when I wrote this,

please excuse me if the words are blurred…

I was there at Bosworth Field

when I waved ‘goodbye’ to Richard the Third.

I was lonely as a cloud

approached me and it asked the way;

I didn’t know where I was,

so I sent him off to Carbis Bay.

Peanut Butter

Peanut Butter

I saw the peanut butter

I saw it on a shelf

I took the peanut butter

and I ate it all myself;

I loved that peanut butter

I finished it all right up;

now I look for peanut butter

in a peanut butter cup.

“Veg an’ Two Veg, please?”

“Veg an’ Two Veg, please?”

When there is one last fish in an ocean,

One last cow in a field;

will the people then have a notion,

that the cost was worth more than the yield.

When there are no more Dodos in Tesco;

when a shamb shank is all that they sell;

when your mixed-up grill,

is just a mixed-up girl,

packing your biscuits in twos –


‘and the animals went

in two-by-twos…

… and there were none of them left in the morning’.

A very short song about the plight of carrots and parsnips in water.

A very short song about the plight of carrots and parsnips in water.

It’s in standard tuning and uses the chords Gmaj / Cmaj / Gmaj, even though it is quite a sad song.

G is the Root Note (as is C)

If you use drop D tuning it sounds slightly like Nickleback.

Here it is:



Singing: carrots sink…

Cmaj Gmaj

and parsnips float.

You can let the final Gmaj on ‘float’ ring to extend the song for a few seconds more – or not, if you are stuck for time.



”Say Cheese!” @ILoveSayCheese @PortEliotFestival

”Say Cheese!” @ILoveSayCheese @PortEliotFestival

“Say Cheese!”

If you’re feeling hungry

at a festival;

and you need a bite to eat,

and you want what’s best of all…

look around – with your eyes,

walk around – with your feet;

and look out for the shocking yellow shack:

“Where is it?

Look! There it is!”

There’s a smiling one out front,

a hard-working crew out back;

they’ll cook you a fine Cheese Toastie,

or a delicious Cheese ‘n’ Mac.

(it really should be, a ‘Mac ‘n’ Cheese’, you see;

but, for a rhyme, that, creates a lack).

And it’s not cheese as you know it,

it’s one hundred percent plant-based;

so no dairy, hairy-faced lies –

and gorgeous they do taste.

And I almost thought I heard them say:

“Our ‘Cheese’ is so cool,

it could almost walk on water!”

and if they didn’t say that, then they oughta.

The butterflies won’t stand still for me

The butterflies won’t stand still for me

The butterflies won’t stand still for me;

don’t they realise I need to study them

up close;

but they just flitter

here and there

they won’t stand still,

they just don’t care,

that I cannot focus upon

their beauty