Tag Archives: #sketch

Radio Thymes

Radio Thymes

A lone guitarist on the battlements of Edinburgh castle is playing the end section of Norwegian Wood – possibly upon the steam-powered bagpipes.

Announcer:

That was Norwegian Wood by that 1960s pop-combo The Beatles, from their 1967 long-playing album, Rubber Soul, side 1, track 2 written by George Lennon and Ringo McCartney.

… and now…

GRAMS strange noises and curious words randomly placed in the time and space available.

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Meanwhile, on Radio Radford… @RadioRadford

Meanwhile, on Radio Radford… @RadioRadford

“Hi! I’m Miles, from Anywhere.”

“And what do you want from me? Directions?”

“No! I’m Miles Ashton, from Anywhere.com – I called earlier, and spoke to… an ‘Amanda Lifeboats?’ “

“Ah, yes; that was me – I conveniently, for the purposes of this sketch, seem to have forgotten.”

“That’s right! That’s exactly what is says here on my script.”

“Where?”

“Just there – below the ‘Amanda Lifeboats’ section.”

“Ah, yes, there it is. So, he continues, what can I do for you, Miles from Anywhere, on this cold and lonely highway, nowhere at all near a blue hotel in California, dreaming of a white Christmas?”

“Could you play ‘Star-Trekkin’ ‘ by The Firm – it’s for my cousin Jack, he’s a Cornish astronaut.”

“A Cornish astronaut? There’s no such thing!”

“That’s okay, Cousin Jack is imaginary, too.”

“Right? Oh, well; here ‘is’ ‘Star Trekkin’ ‘ by The Firm. And Miles…?

“Yes?”

“It’s time for you to boldly go. Bye!”

“By-“

Sketch Idea (In a Restaurant)

image

Sketch – in a restaurant 

SD Two people are sat at a restaurant table awaiting their food order to arrive.

SD A waiter arrives and serves one light meal; a second waiter arrives and starts to play the violin.

SFX Violin music of Paganini

SD Waiter finishes.

SD The couple applaud politely. The waiter / violinist bows.

Man (to first waiter): That was very nice, thank you; but, I ordered a ‘Panini!’

SD The waiter looks abashed and apologises

The End

Scone-Sketch Bites Man!

newspaper(1)
Able:		Scone.
Baker:		What has
Able:		No! Scone!
Baker:		Scone?
Able:		Ay, scone.
Baker:		Just the one?
Able:		Ay, a singularly singular 'scone!'
SD(Pause)
Baker:		I'd call it a scöne!
Able:		You would!
Baker:		What's that supposed to mean?
Able:		Tomatoes, potatoes, pineapples, scones! 
		It's the different way that you and I say the same things.
Baker:		Oh. 
SD(Pause)
Baker:		Pineapple?
Able:		Yes - took your time - you'd call it a 'nexotic' fruit; 
		whereas to me it's just a common everyday 'pineapple'.
Baker:		Oh.
SD(Pause)
Baker:		What a lot of cahones you talk.
SD(Pause)
Able:		No it's gone
Baker:		Scone or scöne
Able:		No! My sketch idea.
Baker:		Upon?
Able:		A scone.
Baker:		Oh!
SD(Pause)
Able:		Oh? Is that all you can say?
Baker:		Well, I mean... it's a shame, and all that; but, 
		it was just a sketch about a... (slowly) ...scone.
Able:		'Just' a sketch?! It was a brilliant idea; 
		a work of genius; a creative masterpiece; a... a...
Baker:		(blandly) ... sketch about a scone.
Able:		Oh, you; 'you' wouldn't know a genius sketch about
		a scone if it bit you on the backside!
Baker:		Is that likely? 'Scone-Sketch Bites Man!'
Able:		I can see the headline now.
Baker:		Whatever! (leaves)
Able:		He... 'sgone!