Tag Archives: Silliness

A minute’s silliness for the queen

For what might have not

and what might have been

I give you a minute’s silliness

for the Queen.


Corgis to the left of her

Corgis to the right,

Corgis in the morning

all day and all of the night.


She rained for seventy days,

and a few odd years,

and, eventually, the son came out –

though that eventuality was long in doubt.


Now she has gone

to take a rest

her crowning glory,

she passed the test,


and the rest is history,

and the rest is silence,

one minute for us,

an eternity for her majesty.


Not that silly,

she had a serious side,

but with a sense of humour

she ruled with pride.


God rest you ma’am.

#dialogueforaplay (tweets 76-90) The Gravy Plot Thickens

hash-tag dialogueforaplay 76-90


DCI: It’s my opinion that the ‘perpetrator’ was known to the ‘victim’.

PC: They were married, sir.

DCI: Precisely!



DCI: Constable, I want you to round up the witnesses and have them all gathered in the… here… In ten minutes.



DCI: I shall now round up the ‘stiff’ and the ‘murderer’ and then we shall have one of those ‘Poirot-like’ reveals.



The police leave in opposite directions. Then recross the room, leave again. The ‘stiff’ returns, resumes place.



Nothing happens for a few minutes. Apart from the ‘stiff’ trying to get comfy. The phone rings. Nobody answers it.



Phone stops. Dr P enters, answers the unringing phone.

Dr P: Hello… Yes… 14 ounces in a pound, no. 16! Bye!



Dr P: Are you still dead?

Stiff: Me?

De P: Nobody else here.

Stiff: Dead as a Do.

Dr P: Dodo?

Stiff: Not that dead!



Dr P: So, there is no victim.

Stiff: I’m teaching them a lesson.

Dr P: ‘Them’ are my family!

Dr P shoots the stiff.



Dr P leaves. The Police et al return (not Dr P).

DCI: Hello, hello, hello…

Omnes: Hello!

DCI: I heard a gunshot!



PC: I can see those months at Detective School weren’t wasted.

Dr 1: The dead man!

Omnes: What?

Dr1: He’s… dead!



Dramatic Chords

Dr 1: No, he’s really dead. Before, he was only pretentious!

Stiff: Pretending!

Dr 1: Pretending.



DCI: So, he’s ‘really’ dead?

Dr 1: Really! I should know – I am a doctor!

Dr P enters.

Dr P: No, that is not true!



DCI: Not a doctor?

PC: Not ‘dead?’

Dr 1: Yes, I am not a ‘dead’ doctor.

Dr P: Nor a ‘doctor!’

Dr1: What about Nora?



DCI: It seems a murder ‘may’ or ‘may not’ have occurred, I shall go to any lengths.

Dr1: Are you paid by the yard?



Dr P: What about my ‘impersonating a doctor’ accusation?

DCI: I take that most seriously. Constable, arrest him!


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#dialogueforaplay (Tweets 51-63 – to the Intermission)

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Dr 1: You called him a stiff – I heard you!

Dr P: Yes, you did!

Dr 1: I know I did – I was listening!

Dr P: Really? Tbc



Dr 1: About that Nightcap…

DC Acey: Okay! Listen…

Dr 1: (listens)

Dr P: (listens)

DC Acey: I so needed that!




A woman enters the scene There is a knock at the door.

Woman: I’m ‘so’ out of sync this morning.

Dr P: And you are?




Woman: Yes, I am- a state of ‘being’ is so necessary these days, don’t you think? Dr 1: He doesn’t – none of us do.




Woman: I am the Lady Whom… married to Lord Whom – whom I am meeting here, today. Is he here?

Dr 1: Tall? Dead?




Woman: He is tall – he wasn’t dead the last time I spoke to him.

Dr P: This him?

Woman: No!!

DC Acey: Not me! Him!




Woman: He’s… dead!

Omnes: Are ‘you’ a doctor?

Woman: I may be. Who is asking?

Omnes: We are!

Woman: Yes, you are!




DC Acey: Well?

Woman: Yes, thank you – apart from a recent shock to the marital status. He was a Lord, you know.




Omnes: We’d gathered that!

Dr P: But, what use is a dead Lord?

Wom: About as much use as a live one – in his case




Dr 1: We have called him an ambulance!

Wom: I’ve called him far worse than that, dearie!

DC Acey: Shall we dance?



61 Intermission –

You may dance! You may not, however, do the Mashed Potato or the Susi Q if there is an ‘r’ in the month.



The music continues as the characters (the live ones only) dance a waltz – sadly the music is not a waltz tune.




Ann Owncer: Ladies & Gentlemen… if you could be resuming your seats in a moment… the second act is about to begin!


Forth – 04-04-2013 by Graeme Sandford

The Good Book said that ‘Moses came forth’;
And, ‘On the third day, The Lord Jesus arose’.
But, as we await His second coming,
Let me ask you this, first:
Is there such a thing as a Phoenix-Rose?

Anyway, Jesus was a carpenter,
And birds would suddenly appear
When He was near.
Also, when Jesus Saves –
Is Kevin Keegan still there to score from the rebound?

Which leads me to query: ‘Am I an atheist or a theist,
Questioning the answers?
Or am I one of the dancers,
Dancing to the same old tune,
By the light of a silvery moon?’

I have so much stored in my head
It leaves me full of dread to think…
That’s it – just to think!
And, in the blink of an eye,
I would often wonder why big girls don’t cry.

Suddenly, I see, why you mean so much to me –
But that is a digression; almost an obsession.
I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky.
I am considered a weird sort of guy. Why?
Well, I tend to think laterally and when laying down.
The law states that this should not be so. Oh!
I hear myself cry; and, yet, I didn’t even know that I was sad.

So, as I Sally forth, June third, Elizabeth second, May firstly, I say:
How tickled, I am; or is that like preferring marmalade to jam?
My association with words is truly a lie.
I’m not a word-monger, or a Thomas-the-Rhymer sort of guy!
It’s just that, although rude, I like to play with my food.
And words are my nourishment, my joie de vivre,
Words on the page of my favouritest libre,
And, yes, I do partake of foreign bon mots,
What’s wrong with that – le rug sur le chat!

Finally, you’ll be pleased to hear,
I do speak allowed the words 4 2 hear.
As 1 doz, or would to twelve angry men,
6 of 1 and half a dozen of the other,
Like sister to brother, to tell one each another,
That if you stop speaking, you’ll have time to think,
And if you do too much thinking, your witticisms will shrink, or grow,
Or not.
What? I ask you, as there’s nobody here but us,
Do you think?