Tag Archives: #Seagulls


Glorious birds of the sea,

that mean so much to me;

in picture caught,

as only ought

to be.

The gull and the magpie

The gull and the magpie were deep in conversation

Magpie: Well, there is a song about Magpies.

Gull: indeed. Someone once wrote a book with a gull as the title character.

Magpie: And there is another song about Magpies.

Gull: Two songs! Wow! But… every song there is, that ever was, that has ‘girl’ in the title can be sung using the word ‘gull’ instead. Lots of songs.

Magpie: Really. I think most birds have a song or two written about them: Nightingales, Robins, Eagles, Albatrosses (or Albatrossi), Blackbirds, Magpies, so, it’s nothing special.

Gull. True. But the numbers do favour gulls: ‘Gulls just want to have fun’, ‘It’s different for gulls’, ‘Some gulls’, ‘Gulls, gulls, gulls’, and so on.

Magpie: But Magpies are ‘pies’ and everybody loves pies.

Gull: Maggoty Pie? I think not. Everybody loves gulls.

Magpie: I don’t think that ‘everybody’ does love gulls – have you seen all the signs at the seasides and the quaysides? ‘Don’t feed the Seagulls – they are vicious!’

Gull: No such thing as a seagull. We are all just gulls of the sea. Anyway, we’ve just had a bad press. It’s not as if ‘we’ can put up signs saying, ‘Watch out for the people – they are liable to be vicious if you take their ice-creams or pasties!’

They are holding those things aloft for us, and then they get all upset when we accept their offerings. People are so very stupid.

Magpie: You are very persuasive, gull; and, yet, I do believe that Magpies have had (and do have) more poems written about them: ‘Magpie in a Rainbow’, ‘Magpie up a tree’, ‘The Magpie’, and hundreds more!

Gull; Maybe even a dozen.

Magpie: ‘A gull a day keeps the tourist away’:

Gull: You made that up!

Magpie: some of it. But, I dare say there are many more in that vein.

Gull: Probably. I must say that I do ike you, Magpie.

Magpie: Magpies are very likeable birds, once you get to know them.

Gull: As are gulls.

Magpies: unless you’ve ever lost your ice-cream or pasty to one.

Gull: True, very true.

I went to sea

I went to sea

to see the sea

and all I saw

were sea-saws,

sea saws,

all I saw were sea-saws.


How weird was that,

how weird?

For all I saw were sea-saws.


I went to sea

to sea a gull,

and all I saw were seagulls,


all o saw were seagulls.


Which is less weird

than seeing sea-saws,


much less weird than sea-saws.

Where be they?

Where be the cows?

Where be they?

“In a field full of gulls,

with too much to say,

is there no room

for a grass-chewing herd?”

I ask the gulls,

“Nothing to do with us.” they say.

Seagulls flying backwards

Seagulls flying backwards,

(It’s such a wet windy day)

busy going nowhere,

with nothing much to say.

Avian Chess – the Canaries vs. the Seagulls

The Canaries were playing the Seagulls

in important games of chess;

and, yes, the Canaries were winning the tournament,

the ‘Gulls found it hard to compete;

the Canaries thought eight moves ahead,

the ‘Gulls just thought what they’d eat,

when the games were over and done,

about how they would fly

on the breeze, in the warmth of the noonday Sun;

and so the Canaries whitewashed the ‘Gulls,

winning every pairing, checkmating across the board;

and the ‘Gulls praised their opponents,

but quickly left,

and returned to the sea they adored.


Next week the Canaries are playing the Rooks,

not such an easy match,

for the Rooks like to win,

their opponents dispatch,

and though they don’t cheat –

(a Rook’s not a crook)

they are sure they can easily beat

the Canaries,

for they think they are much wiser,

and they play on the brink;

but the Canaries have a plan,

to win ‘gainst the Rooks,

they’ve been practicing their openings,

and reading chess-masters’ books.


So, it should be a close fought match,

Canaries and Rooks head to head;

and the outcome will be so much closer –

or it’s Seagulls vs. Puffins instead.

A seagull?

I saw a gull above the sea,

but not a seagull he, or she;

they tell me there is no such thing,

they are all just gulls upon the wing

Three Gulls

Three gulls,

sea gulls,

stood on a wall;

each one hungry,

shrilly they call.


Observant, aware,

waiting opportunity

to grab a tasty morsel,

a chip or a tuna tea.


Some love them,

some hare them,

but highly I rate them the most,

the seaside patrollers,

of Cornwall’s fair coast.

If only… (blast from the past)

Any illustrious illustrators out there able to draw the safety headwear that I have created below? There will be a free cream tea in it for you.

My task is to create a device for the safe eating of pasties in Seagull-occupied areas.

If only I was an inventor…

And not a writer.

A hood
Might be good
With an area covered
Safe from attack
From the front
And the back.

With a space for the pastie to be held;
Like those masks
Of those people that weld;
But, with a little more space
For the pasty to face
One’s face.

Perhaps with a shelf inside
To rest the pasty
Between bites;
And maybe a light
For eating pasties at night.

What about a plastic Eagle
Perched upon the crown?
Seeing one of those might
Cause the seagull to think twice
About swooping down.

A Golden Eagle
With flapping wings
That you could operate
With carefully positioned strings.
And mirrors like you get on a Mod’s Lambretta
To allow for approaching seabird vigilance.

Thinking along these lines
Makes me feel better
That the ‘gulls can be deterred;
They won’t beat my Super-Gull-Proof Helmet;
They’re not that clever a bird…
Are they?

One hundred colourful seagulls

One hundred colourful seagulls

stormed the Devon coast,

not after your chips,

your ice-creams,

your early morning toast;

no, just after your interest,

your looks, and kindly words,

for, after all, they are so like

the loveliest of birds.




NB ‘Wonky Words’ which features more like this is available now at all good Amazons (other Rivers and Rainforests are available).