Tag Archives: #Scottish

Pictorian Poetry

The Picts lived in Scotland

back when it was called something else – before becoming Albanese, and then Scottishland –

as you do,

or, at least, as they did,

in Victorian times,

or slightly before

(my history knowledge being sketchy at best,

they are blue and hairy,

with naer’ee a vest

between them)

and please excuse my accent,

as I am from just south of the border

by a few hundred miles,

and my accents are a bit hit and miss

I’ll admit it, with smiles,

and I don’t mean to diss

respect the Scotch nation,

I’ve even been there

and seen their elation

at the weather, and the cold;

it makes them of brave heart,

or so I’ve been told;

and porage with salt

is what they all eat,

with extra salt on Sundays,

as a “special” auld treat.

And there’s haggis and the caber,

bagpipes and neeps,

tartan and custard,

heather and sheeps;

and Nessy in a loch

whom you never will see,

and there’s one other thing you won’t see in Scotland,

which is a sassenach like me.

Bagpipes Haiku

An icing bag pipes

your decorative icing

without all the noise.

Hamish’s Journey

Hamish’s Journey

Hamish was squeamish

about going to Dawlish

via Beamish;

he didn’t relish

the thought

at all…

so much so,

that he didn’t go,

he stayed at home in

little Fenwick Stead.

Has anyone my spurtal seen?

Has anyone my spurtal seen?

Has anyone my spurtal seen?

It’s orange and amber, and tangerine;

ma porrage needs stirrin’,

you know what I mean;

has anyone my spurtal seen?

Tart an’ Custard (a song)

Tart an’ Custard (a song)

I want to buy some tartan custard

some tartan custard for ma tea

but the only kind they have is yellow

and that’s no good for me.

I foond a poond!

I foond a poond!

(In a Scottish accent)

I found a pound

upon the ground

it was shiny

It was round;

but, the shiny pound

that I had found

upon the ground

it was broken

almost ruined.

Ode to a Scottish Ear of Wheat

Ode to a Scottish Ear of Wheat
(Please read this in a Scottish accent)

Oh, wee tear,
Why does yae fallest
Doon ma cheek?
I am a surly, burly man
Whose eyen are nae supposéd tae leak;
Apart frae wi’ mirth at the schadenfraude of others.

I am a manly man,
So, don yae hurt ma sisters
Or ma brothers.

And don yae be seen by no other man, yae ken?


PS this may help

Nursery Rhyme Time 1

A Scottish Black Bee

A Scottish Black Bee

“Buzz buzz, Black Bee
Have you lost your stripes?”
“No, sir; not me
Those bees are different types;

One courts disaster
When you’ve go-faster bands
One is so much safer
If you’re a ninja fan.”

Scottish ‘Oringe’ Limerick’


There was a young Scotsman whose ‘Oringe’

Was a hit at the Edin-berg Foringe

For his accent was broad

Made the audience applaud

But, made poets the world over coringe.

2 years ago (in Scotingland)

Scottish type Limericks from me (from 2013)

Scottish type Limericks from me (from 2013)

Just a blast (from the highlands) from the past for you. My back-catalogue has a few gems in it – sadly, these are not two of them G:)

PS apologies to you if you are Scottish (or slightly skittish)