Tag Archives: #prose

When the Bad Bee bothered the Beautiful Butterfly.

‘When the Bad Bee bothered the Beautiful Butterfly.’

There were buzzy bees, beautiful butterflies, stingy wasps – sorry sting-y wasps, and all manner of other bugs and beasties…

but…

… it was the bad bee that bothered the beautiful butterfly,

by bombarding her with… alliteration,

“Buzz, buzz be gone!” bade the bee.

Meanwhile, an army of caterpillars marched by, unnoticed by all but me.

The Madge Hatter Tearooms

Now, you might think that operating a tearoom going by the name of ‘The Madge Hatter Tearooms’ there would be something of an ‘Alice in Wonderland’ theme involved – yet, you would be so wrong.

There was nothing ‘curious’ or ‘curiouser’ about the Madge Hatter Tearooms, nor about Madge, herself, come to that.

Madge Hatter was Madge Hatter’s one and only name – her parents, Peter and Greta Hatter, being oblivious to any literary connotations that they might have created by their choice of the – even then – outdated, Madge.

Those who came to the Madge Hatter Tearooms seeking a cornucopic wonderland of Lewis Carroll’s creation in a convivial tea and cake setting inevitably left disappointed, and, usually, a little non-plussed, and, here must be mentioned, that the cakes were dry, the sandwiches usually curled up at the edges, and the tea… well, weak tea is not everybody’s cup of – well, tea.

Madge, and her tearooms, existed; neither bringing in huge profits, nor huge losses, it was more of a hand-to-mouth existence for Madge – usually with a slice of ‘even-beyond-giving-away’ cake.

TBC?

3 pieces on the Liskeard Writers Group prompt: ‘Childhood’s End’

Childhood’s End – LWG Prompt ‘Childhood’s End’ 1

When does childhood end, and adulthood begin?

Or, is the period of puberty a gap between the two?

Do some people never grow up, staying childlike, or remaining childish?

Peter Pan – the boy who never grew up.

J.M. Barrie

Barry Island, not named after the author of Peter Pan, nor anybody else named Barry, or Peter – not even after ‘Barry Sheene’ – that shiny polished motorbike man, that was, but no longer is – sad face.

And definitely not after Barry Potter or his mum Beatrix Expelliarmus Potter.

Why do ‘I’ act like a child?

And, why do I write things like this, when I could be devoting my writing hours to writing serious… stuff? Well, the fact that I wrote ‘stuff’ there probably says a lot about me. I do like to keep it light, and, I try, (try) to keep it funny, it makes me no money, there is no fame, to my name, and very few know me – do you see?

You see, I am a poet, writer, day or nighter, is when I write, and the subject matter ranges from Cheese to Chinchillas,

– which is not much of a range if you think of their adjudication… conjunction… consumption? juxtaposition! that’s it – their juxtaposition’ in a divmvtuoobary. Sorry, that should read ‘dictionary’, but, I do sometimes suffer from BTS, that is BIG THUMBS Syndrome, which is definitely not helpful when writing upon an the teensy, weensy screen of my iPhone.

But, that’s better than… I can’t read this… I think that word could be ‘ferret?’ – not that having the word ‘ferret’ in the middle of a story about intergalactic space travel to the planet ‘Waffle’ makes any sense whatsoever.

And why the planet ‘Waffle’?

Well, I was looking for a mnemonic, mnemonic? Mnemonic – Ah! it has a silent ‘m’ like in the mbubonic plague – anyway, I was looking for – one of those thingies – to memorise, so that I could say it when I needed to know the names of the planets as you travel away from the Sun – which, luckily, I very rarely do.

The one I found – and liked – was,

‘My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Noodles’.

Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Uranus and Neptune – there is no Pluto in the phrase as Pluto has recently been declared a ‘dwarf’ planet – presumably, it’s where the dwarves live – allegedly.

Anyway, when I needed to remember the planet order, I recited the ‘mnemonic’ and made just a slight error, in that I recited,

‘My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Waffles!’

So Planet Waffle was born.

This, basically, is how planets, the wheel, fire, electricity, the hole in Polo mints and many other discoveries were… discovered.

All of which brings me back to dough, a deer, a female deer… sorry, that’s a song.

It brings me full circle – just imagine getting an all-day ticket for the Circle Line on the London Underground – can you do that? I mean, can you actually purchase an all-day ticket for the Circle Line? You can? Oh, that’s good – isn’t it? And that last question was a ‘rhetorical’ question – you need to watch out for those – crafty little beggars that they are.

So, round and round on the Circle Line for a whole day – is that possible? I mean, there isn’t going to be a buffet car or a nice man or lady popping along with a trolley of goodies for you to peruse and purchase, is there? I’m not sure if they have toilets, either. So, perhaps it’s not going to be a ‘good’ experience if you try and go round and round for approximately fifteen hours. And, if you did choose to try it, would you go clockwise or Widdershins (which is an old term for anti-clockwise – which is seldom used nowadays – widdershins, not anti-clockwise, that would just be silly). Anyway, old terms do go out of fashion, like ‘Larboard’ which used to be the left hand side of a boat if you were looking at the pointy end – Starboard was the right hand side of the same boat as you looked at the pointy end. Larboard and Starboard, being very similar, caused confusion – as did turning around on a boat and looking at the blunt end – and so Larboard was replaced with the term ‘Port’ – so as you look from the blunt end of a ship to the pointy end, Port is on the left, Starboard is in the right. This only helps if you know your left from your right – and you are not ambiguous – sorry, ambidextrous.

I don’t think that London Underground trains have pointy ends, so that probably won’t help you to work out which is Port and which is Starboard when you are deciding whether to approach Notting Hill Gate from the South or from the North.

—//—

fabian and Zelda – LWG prompt ‘Childhood’s End’ 2

fabian (with a small ‘f’) was less ‘fabulous’ than a fish in a frock.

That is to say, fabian thought that ‘that’ was the case.

Zelda (with a capital ‘Z’) begged to differ.

They were twins.

And… they were Siamese twins.

Not, as a rule, did they share the same thoughts, nor have the same outlook on their life (or lives).

fabian would rather read an exciting crime thriller in a quiet corner; whilst Zelda liked to be amongst friends and having a cheerful conversation, with half a dozen engaging colleagues, about all things that there were under the sun.

This may have caused conflict amongst some couples; but, somehow, fabian and Zelda managed to make it work.

When, in their eighties, the unmarried fabian and the thrice engaged Zelda finally said ‘goodbye!’ to this cruel world (fabian first, Zelda two days later) it was the end of an era.

They outlived all of their childhood friends – mostly Zelda’s – and it was with a quietly fond farewell that the world said its own adieu.

Buried together, they still lay within a relationship that few could even begin to comprehend.

—//—

19:14 – LWG prompt ‘Childhood’s End’ 3

It was approaching a quarter past seven o’clock when the young men left their childhood’s behind and signed upon the dotted line for the reward of the King’s shilling and a muddy grave.

19:14 – LWG prompt

It was approaching a quarter past seven o’clock when the young men left their childhood’s behind and signed upon the dotted line for the reward of the King’s shilling and a muddy grave.

This Mexican Song

This is a Mexican song, allegedly about two brothers, both firemen in La Fiuerro del Servicio de Mechico Nationale (the Mexican National Fire Service); twins they were, and no one could tell them apart – sometimes they even confused themselves as to whom was whom.

One brother, we shall call him José, was the oldest by a matter of minutes, the other… Joseby was the younger by a similar amount of minutes.

I give you ‘Chihuahua!’

A Convoy of Clouds

Those on the edges of a cloud convoy were more likely to be picked off when the submarines found the convoy, but, sometimes, a torpedo finding a cloud in the midst of all the others would cause a considerable amount of panic. When the structure of a cloud convoy was lost the clouds all became easy pickings.

Lock Down – a history.

LWG prompt for 05-05-2020

‘Lock Down – a history’

Lock Down is the expanse of land to the north just beyond the Cornish town of Lostwithiel. Ancient Lostwithiel with its things, and it’s other things, pride of that part of Cornwall where it was proud to be the largest town within miles of itself.

Lock Down, as it is now known, was once, and only once, known as Loch Doen by the Scottish couple who visited there once in the 1820s. But, as they were Scottish, and only visited the once, it is not true to say that Lock Down was called that by any substantial number of people, at any time.

To be truthful, Lock Down was probably named after it being a down, and the Lock family being the owners from about 1535 to 1732 – late afternoon to round about tea-time, you could say.

One of the most amazing features of Lock Down is it’s Prehistoric and, almost certainly, Stone Age Triangular Henge, that is situated directly to the North West of Restormel Castle by about three furlongs – which is nearly half a mile. Who’s to say that this isn’t the only example of a 180 degree temple this side of Tripoli – I know I can’t.

Apart from its Henge, Lock Down also has a number of standing, leaning, or fallen over stones dating back to pre-knowledge-of-exactly-when-times. These menhir-type stones are mainly to be found loitering around in groups of twos or threes – the police are currently keeping an eye on them – sometimes two.

No discernible farming has taken place upon the Lock Down landscape, although a Portrait view does show that there may have been strip farming at certain times, until that naughty, naughty custom was put a stop to by a particular astute warden of the Maze – as he was called. His name has gone down in local history along with the phrases ‘spoilsport’ and ‘jobsworth’.

Lock Down, even to this very blustery day, has a mystery and a history that any other imaginary place would be jolly proud of.

The End

Moored in the U.S.A.

Queen Mary, speaking at Long Beach, the other day, declared that she was fed up, bored, tired of being just an outdated museum and café-cum-hotel.

‘In fact…’ she declared, “I am moored within the U.S.A.”

Bruce refuced to comment.

SoCS – Practice. @LindaGHill

And you can Pop here to see Linda’s fine web site and all these lovely prompts.

No, I’m going in cold with this – no practice for me.

Which means that it’s gonna bomb.

I mean – can you have any expectations that this is going to be worthy of the three minutes that it takes you to read this. Not even mentioning the ten minutes that it took me (is taking me) to write it.

Words of wisdom – none!

Pearls of… well, wisdom – none!

Words… well, yes, it has quite a few of those – there may be verbs, adverbs, adjectives, nouns, pronouns, and more of the same. Oh, and definitely, somewhere within, there will be a list – there’s always a list – and what is list it will be.

Some lists just… list things, with no explanation (as does mine) whilst others are purely inspirational, buckets spring to mind, buckets always spring to mind, and then I down an hour deciding what colour my bucket should be. Well, Orange, yellow, basic black – there are oh, so many colours – and finally decide upon a pale mint and cream combination (which doesn’t exist) which has to be made like a kitchen (bespoke) yup, bespoke, and boy that would be an achievement – wouldn’t it?.

Don’t you just love rhetorical questions?

No, you don’t have to answer that.

But, if you want to… don’t.

So, what would I have written if I had practiced?

Nothing much, because I would have thought the heck out of the subject and been too self aware of myself to create anything of worth.

Like this is!

Anyway, I must be getting near my self-set 10 minutes.

Or am I?

Has Time become a Fourth Dimension where every ‘old’ second has become the length of an ‘hour’?

In which case, brace yourself for some rollercoaster of a ride – only what has gone before… *

times 3,600 (or so).

G:)

Queens June I – V (inclusive)

Queen June I only rained for a single day; her daughter, Queen June II, with her sunny disposition didn’t last any longer;

the adorably quaint Queen June III and the tempestuous Queen June IV followed on in quick succession; Queen June V, who many hoped would bring some stability to the kingdom, lasted barely twenty-four hours…

… and on it went.