Hamlet – The Musical
Not William Shakespeare’s ‘Hamlet’, but a play based upon the tiny village of HappyHome and its various occupants. These villagers are beset with the problem of having a village church and having to raise the money needed to keep the roof on top of its walls and the bell-tower on top of its roof.
Then one bright spark suggests that they could get rid of the church altogether, returning – after one-hundred years – HappyHome to the status of ‘hamlet’
Narrator: There was a great outcry..
OMNES: Out!!!!!
Narr: Sorry… there was a great cry of ‘Out!!!!!’
OMNES: (silence, then a varied whining) We’ve already done it.
Narr: Hmmm. Soon, they were clutching at straws.
OMNES: What!!!!!
Narr: Sorry, they were soon to be found clutching their handbags at Straws’ Discothèque.
OMNES: A handbag!!!!!
Narr: One? Between the lot of you? Oh, well, whatever.
And now on Toe-in-the-Water Radio, we bring you the latest episode of our continuing ‘Play For This Day’ a tale of ‘star-cross’d lovers’, Wiliam Shakspeare’s Richard & Juliet!
Act 2, Scene 2: The Balcony Scene.
Rich: Hark! Hark! The dogs do bark
Our King Dickie is having a lark
What light from yonder window breaks
It is Juliet, and I am the sun of York.
Juliet: Bog Off, Crookback!
Rich: Whores! Whores! My kingdom’s full of whores!
TBC
Posted in comedy, Play, Tragedy, Wiliam Shakspeare, William Shakespeare
Tagged #parody, #play, #Shakspeare, #Tragedie, #Wiliam, #William, @Shakespeare, humour
Posted in crime, detectives, dialogue, dialogueforaplay, fun, murder, Play, silly, sleuth
Tagged #dialogueforaplay, #graemesandford, #hangerfarmpoets, #janegoldsack, #play, #sleuth, @Jane_Goldsack, crime, detective, Dialogue, murder
Act 2 Scene1
Stage is lit. A uniformed policeman is present. The lights go out as DCI Syd of CID enters. He trips
Tbc
DCI: Darn!
The lights go up. DCI is on the floor with the white outline. He stands up with it. DCI: What’s this?
Tbc
PC: That’s the outline of the stiff’s body, sir.
DCI: Isn’t it supposed to be in chalk? PC: HSE rules! Dust hazard!
Tbc
DCI: Chalk dust! A hazard? You cannot be serious!
PC: Deadly, sir.
DCI: Deadly ‘serious’ or deadly ‘chalk dust’?
Tbc
PC: Both! We have to use chalk ‘substitute’.
DCI: It’s ‘Iron!’ Aren’t HSE worried about ‘rust!’
PC: I can’t say.
Tbc
DCI: You can tell me I’m a policeman.
PC: You’re a policeman!
DCI: Really! By the way; where has the stiff gone?
Tbc
PC: The body of the “deceased” was apprehended trying to buy a drink in the intermission. He wasn’t ‘really’ dead!
Tbc
DCI: Constable, let’s pretend that the ‘stiff’ is a real ‘live’ dead man for the moment. The public expects it.
Tbc
PC: Make a wish!
DCI: Sorry?
PC: As you wish! Tip of the Slongue.
DCI: Have you been drinking?
PC: Yes, sir, water!
Tbc
DC Acey enters. Sees policemen, about turns.
DCI: Have you found any clues, Constable?
PC: Only snooker ones, sir.
Tbc
DCI: I’ll let that rest. Where are the suspects?
PC: They were in the bar, too.
DCI: Keep it realistic, constable.
Tbc
An unknown lady walks in from ‘out’.
Lady: Is this the ‘Crime Scene?’
DCI: It is.
Lady: Lovely! Thanks!
She leaves.
Tbc
-/-
Posted in crime, dialogueforaplay, murder, mystery, suspense, whodunnit
Tagged #dialogueforaplay, #play, #suspense, #whodunnit, crime, detective, murder
Dr 1: You called him a stiff – I heard you!
Dr P: Yes, you did!
Dr 1: I know I did – I was listening!
Dr P: Really? Tbc
-/-
Dr 1: About that Nightcap…
DC Acey: Okay! Listen…
Dr 1: (listens)
Dr P: (listens)
DC Acey: I so needed that!
Tbc
-/-
A woman enters the scene There is a knock at the door.
Woman: I’m ‘so’ out of sync this morning.
Dr P: And you are?
Tbc
-/-
Woman: Yes, I am- a state of ‘being’ is so necessary these days, don’t you think? Dr 1: He doesn’t – none of us do.
Tbc
-/-
Woman: I am the Lady Whom… married to Lord Whom – whom I am meeting here, today. Is he here?
Dr 1: Tall? Dead?
Tbc
-/-
Woman: He is tall – he wasn’t dead the last time I spoke to him.
Dr P: This him?
Woman: No!!
DC Acey: Not me! Him!
Tbc
-/-
Woman: He’s… dead!
Omnes: Are ‘you’ a doctor?
Woman: I may be. Who is asking?
Omnes: We are!
Woman: Yes, you are!
Tbc
-/-
DC Acey: Well?
Woman: Yes, thank you – apart from a recent shock to the marital status. He was a Lord, you know.
Tbc
-/-
Omnes: We’d gathered that!
Dr P: But, what use is a dead Lord?
Wom: About as much use as a live one – in his case
Tbc
-/-
Dr 1: We have called him an ambulance!
Wom: I’ve called him far worse than that, dearie!
DC Acey: Shall we dance?
Tbc
-/-
#dialogueforaplay 61 Intermission –
You may dance! You may not, however, do the Mashed Potato or the Susi Q if there is an ‘r’ in the month.
-/-
The music continues as the characters (the live ones only) dance a waltz – sadly the music is not a waltz tune.
Tbc
-/-
Ann Owncer: Ladies & Gentlemen… if you could be resuming your seats in a moment… the second act is about to begin!
-/-
Dr P: More important – Who are you?
Dr 1: Whom!
Dr P: Let’s not argue over grammar!
Dr 1: (bitter) She started it!
Tbc
Dr P: You!
Dr 1: Me!
DC Acey: Are you?
Dr P: Yes!
DC Acey: And you?
Dr 1: Yes!
DC Acey: My Uncles!
Dr P: My God!!!!
Tbc
Dr 1: Grandma Whom was a fine old lady – who had the bad grace to live too long and, when she died, made cats rich!
Tbc
Dr P: You never liked Grandma… or cats!
Dr 1: What is there to like about cats?
DC Acey: Ladies! Handbags away!
Tbc
Dr 1: He started it!
DC Acey: And I’m stopping it!
Dr P: I never liked you!
DC Acey: What I do?
Dr 1: He means me!
Tbc
DC Acey: I’m Harold Whom – and this is not my ‘twin’ brother. No, the deceased! Dr P; I know that, I’m your father!
Tbc
Dr 1: Any chance of a recap!
Dr P: It’s a bit early, old stick; the sun’s not over the yard arm yet – is it Harold? Tbc
DC Acey: That’s the stiff! He’s extremely unlikely to have an opinion – on anything!
Dr P: Do we know who he is?
Tbc
Dr P: And before you say it, I was talking about the stiff; and not Dr 1.
Dr 1: Do we know yet who the stiff was?
Tbc
DC Acey: No! You cannot call the deceased ‘The Stiff’ – it’s disrespectful!
Dr P: But, he has gone somewhat stiff!
Tbc
Posted in comedy, crime, detective, murder, novel
Tagged #detectivefiction, #dialogueforaplay, #hangerfarmpoets, #play, @HolisticMoon, crime, infograe, murder, novel
