Tag Archives: #parody

The Ghost at the Banquet (I am)

I am the ghost

at the banquet.

Banquo?

No, that was another ghost

at another banquet –

I am not him,

and he is not me.

Do you see?

He was there due to his death

at the hands of MacBeth.

I was not

killed by an ambitious Scot;

but, by a jealous yak

from ancient Tibet.

Why I should be at this particular banquet

Is a mystery yet.

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The Great British Bake Off 1598.

Paulus Holyword: Taketh these ingredients

and maketh of them a cake;

for I would eateth of such a thing

And when I say ‘cake’

I mean ‘cake’

no alternatives shall be acceptable;

If thou breakest the spirit

of my challenge

I shall be most displeaseth –

in fact, I shall have thy guts and thy garters for breakfast.

Hail Mary!

This may sound slightly familiar.

If you go down to the words today,

you had better go under a pseudonym.

If you jot down a few words today,

what message will you include in ‘em?

For every word you write is unique

depending upon the order you seek

for today’s the day that writers will hone their technique.

That’s Conversation

The Jam’s version here That’s Entertainment

That’s Conversation. (That’s Entertainment The Jam)

G / Em

Two people talking

About when they were young

Of times in the city

All the songs that they’d sung

Warm tea and muffins

Holidays on the South Coast

Who were the heroes

That they loved the most

Am / F

That’s a conversation

Let’s have a conversation

G / Em

About stuff

About stuff

G / Em

Put down your mobiles

Come away from your screens

You are a character

Get back to the scenes

Where the dialogue is spoken

And emotions are seen

Listen and respond

You must be eager and keen

Am / F

In the face of a conversation

Make a conversation

Let’s start a conversation

G / Em

About stuff

About stuff

(Freestyle dialogue)

*A work in progress

G:)

Captain’s Log Entry – A Red Cloud Approaches.

Mr.S: It’s Strawberry Jam, Jim
But, not as we know it.

JTK: You mean, it’s ‘preserve?’

Mr. S: I shall have to carry out further analysis, Captain.

JTK: In your jim-jams?

Mr. S: That is not even remotely funny, Captain. Vulcans do not wear ‘jim-jams!’

JTK: Vulcans don’t wear PJs?

Mr. S: Not that I am aware of, Captain. Vulcan is a planet of propriety and sobriety.

JTK: So, you’ve never been to a Pyjama Party?

Mr. S: I do not believe a Vulcan has ‘ever’ attended one. We do know what they are – as we have sought knowledge upon many subjects – and have neither desired to attend or arrange one. Much can be said that that statement also applies to Garden Parties and Toga Parties.

Checkov (whispered to Sulu): Pooper!

Mr. S: Thank you, Mr. Checkov, I have extremely acute hearing; and consider your remark to be… I shall say, at the least… uninformed!

Sulu (whispered to Checkov): he probably sleeps in his uninform!

SD Sulu and Checkov giggle about this.

JTK: Gentlemen. Much as I love our little banter sessions; I think we should really be thinking about dealing with the red, amorphous cloud that is fast approaching us.

Mr. S: thank you. As I said Captain; the cloud is similar in many ways to an old-fashioned breakfast preserve from the 19th and 20th centuries, containing, as it does, a high percentage of natural Fructose sugar (and pips) an analysis of such has given results which I am strongly of the opinion indicate Strawberries.

Lt. Uhuru: We are receiving a transmission from the red cloud, Captain.

JTK (slightly bemused) We are?

Lt. Uhuru: It’s definitely coming from there, Captain.

JTK: Okay, let’s hear it, Lieutenant.

TBC

Wiliam Shakspeare’s Truly Tragic Tragedie – Richard and Juliet (a part)

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And now on Toe-in-the-Water Radio, we bring you the latest episode of our continuing ‘Play For This Day’ a tale of ‘star-cross’d lovers’, Wiliam Shakspeare’s Richard & Juliet!

Act 2, Scene 2: The Balcony Scene.

Rich: Hark! Hark! The dogs do bark
Our King Dickie is having a lark

What light from yonder window breaks
It is Juliet, and I am the sun of York.

Juliet: Bog Off, Crookback!

Rich: Whores! Whores! My kingdom’s full of whores!

TBC

William McGonagall(ish)

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William McGonagallish!

I walked oot one day, for to stretch oot my legs;
I needed to clear from my head all the dregs
Of an evening’s hard drinking with whisky and gin
So, off to walk miles. At one step I’d begin.

I soon stopped for a wee while tae drink from my flask;
But, I couldnae get the lid off, it was a bit of a task
So I had to go thirsty, nae moisture for me
Until I went back home and had my supper for tea.