Tag Archives: #nonsense

Thursday Throwback – You are the audience – from over three years ago!

You are the audience


are the audience;



am the poet

(If you are, at any stage of my act, amused – please show it –

if you have any overripe fruit

I ask you, please,

‘not’ to

throw it),

and we should get on fine.

These poems,

that I am about to perform,

are all mine;

unless they stink,

in which case, ‘Wordsworth’ wrote them in indelible ink.

I begin this evening’s performance

with a poem that has an overlong title;

but considerably few ‘actual’ words in it.

This poem is called, ‘What chance have you got, when the world gives you lemons, and oranges are the only fruit?’

Vitamin C



to me.

And here I do the universal gesture for ‘my current poem has finished’ (puts arms to side like a poorly Harrier Jump Jet), please be clapping or raucously ‘cheering’ but only for two point four seconds, as I have a schedule to keep to’.

Thank you.

My second poem… of twenty – just joking! – is called, ‘Whither did you come from, my love; and was there a stork or a gooseberry bush involved?’

I looked upon your face,

and paused;

three hours later, sad to say,

I remembered what it was I’d caused,

found the remote control,

and pressed ‘play’ –

you were not at all impressed.

It’s been a while since I wrote a sonnet

It’s been a long while,

and there’s a reason for that

I don’t write sonnets;

well, I don’t write that many,

no more than one a leap year.

A cold winter’s day

It was on a cold winters day

(not a hot winters day,

for that would be silly)

and cold and winter go together;

our winter is their summer;

their summer is our winter;

our spring is their autumn;

our autumn is their spring;

our autumn is their fall;

their fall is confusing –

that’s all I have to say

upon the matter –

anyway, back to the poem.


It was on a cold winter’s day

that I dreamt Spanish summers ¡O’le!


Was it worth the wait? 🙂

Old string vest

The gulls flew east,

and the gulls flew west;

I stood there watching them

In my old string vest.


Until, the police came along

and arrested me –

well, it was just a careless oversight, you see;

I wanted to see the gulls flying east,

and the gulls lying west,

and all I managed to put on

was my old string vest –


An Avocet

An avocet:

a bird

that I haven’t met –

as of yet;

but, I hope

to see one;

but, I have seen many sea birds

and if I don’t

I shall have no egrets.

The Snails from Harda

The Harda Snails

were a tough lot;

not only did they carry

their houses on their backs,

but they also gave lifts to

passing strangers

not even considering the dangers.

My Blue Meringue (won’t come back)

Well, that’s a title.

Have I got a poem to go with it?

Not at the moment;

but, give me a minute or two.


Here goes:


It just walked out the door,

calling back,

‘I don’t want you no more!’

I suppose, after all

that I had said

and done,

that I wasn’t

going to get my just desserts.

Save the Bs

I eat a lot

of Alphabett Spaghett,

but I never eat the Bs.

I now have a collection

of 42,703 –

that’s a lot of Alphabett Spaghett

that I eaten.

I wandered lonely…

I wandered lonely

as a daffodil


I looked up

and I saw the sky;

I also saw a hill, a vale,

but only those,

I do not lie:

I thought about fluttering,

and dancing like no clouds were watching,

but one was –

I know, because—

There once was a lady from Truro – a Limerick

There once was a lady from Truro,

who owned a rather large bureau,

it had plenty of drawers,

for storing her snores,

and it had only cost her one euro.