Tag Archives: murder

#dialogueforaplay (Tweets 64-75)

hash-tag dialogueforaplay 64-75

64

Act 2 Scene1

Stage is lit. A uniformed policeman is present. The lights go out as DCI Syd of CID enters. He trips

Tbc

65

DCI: Darn!

The lights go up. DCI is on the floor with the white outline. He stands up with it. DCI: What’s this?

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66

PC: That’s the outline of the stiff’s body, sir.

DCI: Isn’t it supposed to be in chalk? PC: HSE rules! Dust hazard!

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67

DCI: Chalk dust! A hazard? You cannot be serious!

PC: Deadly, sir.

DCI: Deadly ‘serious’ or deadly ‘chalk dust’?

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68

PC: Both! We have to use chalk ‘substitute’.

DCI: It’s ‘Iron!’ Aren’t HSE worried about ‘rust!’

PC: I can’t say.

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69

DCI: You can tell me I’m a policeman.

PC: You’re a policeman!

DCI: Really! By the way; where has the stiff gone?

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70

PC: The body of the “deceased” was apprehended trying to buy a drink in the intermission. He wasn’t ‘really’ dead!

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71

DCI: Constable, let’s pretend that the ‘stiff’ is a real ‘live’ dead man for the moment. The public expects it.

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72

PC: Make a wish!

DCI: Sorry?

PC: As you wish! Tip of the Slongue.

DCI: Have you been drinking?

PC: Yes, sir, water!

Tbc

73

DC Acey enters. Sees policemen, about turns.

DCI: Have you found any clues, Constable?

PC: Only snooker ones, sir.

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74

DCI: I’ll let that rest. Where are the suspects?

PC: They were in the bar, too.

DCI: Keep it realistic, constable.

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75

An unknown lady walks in from ‘out’.

Lady: Is this the ‘Crime Scene?’

DCI: It is.

Lady: Lovely! Thanks!

She leaves.

Tbc

-/-

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#dialogueforaplay (Tweets 51-63 – to the Intermission)

hash-tag dialogueforaplay 51-65ish

51

Dr 1: You called him a stiff – I heard you!

Dr P: Yes, you did!

Dr 1: I know I did – I was listening!

Dr P: Really? Tbc

-/-

52

Dr 1: About that Nightcap…

DC Acey: Okay! Listen…

Dr 1: (listens)

Dr P: (listens)

DC Acey: I so needed that!

Tbc

-/-

53

A woman enters the scene There is a knock at the door.

Woman: I’m ‘so’ out of sync this morning.

Dr P: And you are?

Tbc

-/-

54

Woman: Yes, I am- a state of ‘being’ is so necessary these days, don’t you think? Dr 1: He doesn’t – none of us do.

Tbc

-/-

55

Woman: I am the Lady Whom… married to Lord Whom – whom I am meeting here, today. Is he here?

Dr 1: Tall? Dead?

Tbc

-/-

56

Woman: He is tall – he wasn’t dead the last time I spoke to him.

Dr P: This him?

Woman: No!!

DC Acey: Not me! Him!

Tbc

-/-

57

Woman: He’s… dead!

Omnes: Are ‘you’ a doctor?

Woman: I may be. Who is asking?

Omnes: We are!

Woman: Yes, you are!

Tbc

-/-

58

DC Acey: Well?

Woman: Yes, thank you – apart from a recent shock to the marital status. He was a Lord, you know.

Tbc

-/-

59

Omnes: We’d gathered that!

Dr P: But, what use is a dead Lord?

Wom: About as much use as a live one – in his case

Tbc

-/-

60

Dr 1: We have called him an ambulance!

Wom: I’ve called him far worse than that, dearie!

DC Acey: Shall we dance?

Tbc

-/-

61 Intermission –

You may dance! You may not, however, do the Mashed Potato or the Susi Q if there is an ‘r’ in the month.

-/-

62

The music continues as the characters (the live ones only) dance a waltz – sadly the music is not a waltz tune.

Tbc

-/-

63

Ann Owncer: Ladies & Gentlemen… if you could be resuming your seats in a moment… the second act is about to begin!

-/-

#dialogueforaplay Tweets 41-50

hash-tag dialogueforaplay 41-50

41

Dr P: More important – Who are you?

Dr 1: Whom!

Dr P: Let’s not argue over grammar!

Dr 1: (bitter) She started it!

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42

Dr P: You!

Dr 1: Me!

DC Acey: Are you?

Dr P: Yes!

DC Acey: And you?

Dr 1: Yes!

DC Acey: My Uncles!

Dr P: My God!!!!

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43

Dr 1: Grandma Whom was a fine old lady – who had the bad grace to live too long and, when she died, made cats rich!

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44

Dr P: You never liked Grandma… or cats!

Dr 1: What is there to like about cats?

DC Acey: Ladies! Handbags away!

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45

Dr 1: He started it!

DC Acey: And I’m stopping it!

Dr P: I never liked you!

DC Acey: What I do?

Dr 1: He means me!

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46

DC Acey: I’m Harold Whom – and this is not my ‘twin’ brother. No, the deceased! Dr P; I know that, I’m your father!

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47

Dr 1: Any chance of a recap!

Dr P: It’s a bit early, old stick; the sun’s not over the yard arm yet – is it Harold? Tbc

48

DC Acey: That’s the stiff! He’s extremely unlikely to have an opinion – on anything!

Dr P: Do we know who he is?

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49

Dr P: And before you say it, I was talking about the stiff; and not Dr 1.

Dr 1: Do we know yet who the stiff was?

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50

DC Acey: No! You cannot call the deceased ‘The Stiff’ – it’s disrespectful!

Dr P: But, he has gone somewhat stiff!

Tbc

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#dialogueforaplay Tweets 21-30

hash-tag dialogueforaplay 21-30

21

Dr 1: Would a knife sticking into his back be… a clue to his probable death?

Dr P: Yes – is there one?

Dr 1: No.

Tbc

22

There is a lull

DC Acey: Ummm!

Laura: Don’t you have to draw around the body now?

DC Acey: Yes – that’s a plan!

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23

Dr. 1: Should I call an ambulance?

DC Acey: You should, yes.

Dr 1: But, will I?

DC Acey: Yes – stop being a prat!

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24

Laura: Dr P?

DR P: Yes, Laura?

Laura: I’ve been getting these pains in my chest – would you like to take a look?

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25

DC Acey: I’m not sure that is a good idea!

Dr P: Why not?

DC Acey: Because Laura is hiding a secret!

Laura: I am?

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26

Dramatic Music

Laura: Yes, it’s true! I have a deep, dark secret. Nobody has realised that I am not Laura, but…

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27

Laura: …I am… (dramatic pause) …

Dr P: Get on with it!

DC Acey: Ditto.

Dr P: Ditto? Are you an imbecile?

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28

DC Acey: I may be – who wants to know?

Dr 1: I don’t.

Laura: Are you interested in what I am?

Dr P: Yes, my son!

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29

Laura: (gasps) You knew?

Dr P: I have always known – ever since your birth, Laurence!

Dr 1: Florence? Son? What?

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30

DC Acey: Yes, this is Laurence Protocol aka Laura.

Laurence: And I killed Harold in spite!

Dr 1: In spite of what?

Tbc

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This is a note to say that if you have got this far – well done and thank you G:) #dialogueforaplay

#dialogueforaplay Tweets 11-20

hash-tag dialogueforaplay 11-20

11

Laura: (miffed) Excuse me. I am suffering with shock and trauma from the loss of a close one.

2nd Man: How close?

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12

Laura: I don’t know – I have no spatial awareness.

Man: What? Should we call the police?

2nd Man: The ‘Police!’

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13

3rd Man arrives

3rd Man: I am the police.

Laura: I thought there would be more of you.

3rd Man: I’ve been dieting.

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14

Man: Can I be called Doctor 1, now? It’s rather confusing.

Laura: Certainly, Doctor 1 – If that is your real name!

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15

3rd Man: And I am DC Acey – and no puns on that or I shall have to nick you; with this penknife!

Laura: Charming!

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16

Dr 1: Can you provide a second opinion, Dr. Protocol?

Dr P: It usually takes longer, but I shall try… he’s dead!

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17

DC Acey: Well done! Now, I must carry out some preliminary tasks. Firstly: Hello, hello, hello!

Omnes: Hello!

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18

DC Acey: Is this the stiff?

Dr 1: No, that’s Laura!

Laura: Really!

DC Acey: Sorry, miss, if you’d move about more.

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19

Dr P: I can say nothing more… But, I can see no cause for the deceased’s death – apart from a lack of breathing!

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20

Laura: Are you really a doctor?

DC Acey: No, Miss, I am a Detective Constable! These two, however…

Laura: Sorry!

Tbc

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If you have started at #dialogueforaplay 11 and have not read #dialogueforaplay 1-10 then you really need to go back to the very beginning to get the full effect of the words above – #dialogueforaplay 21-30 and so on will be available when I have done the ‘writing them’ thing – Thank You G:)

#dialogueforaplay Tweets 1-10

hash-tag dialogueforaplay 1-10

1

Act 1 Scene 1

The action starts in an English Country House

Harold: We seem to be out of lemons!

Laura: Really?

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2

Harold: Yes! I wanted ‘ice and a slice’ in my drink!

Laura: Oh, Harold! If you really need a lemon I can send out.

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3

Harold: No, Laura- if a man wants something done properly he should just get on and do it.

Laura: Really? Harold…?

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4

Harold: Yes, Laura, what is it, old bean?

Laura: Oh! Nothing, I’ll make you a drink.(aside) It will be your last!

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5

Laura: (hands Harold a drink) Here you go. Bottoms up!

Harold: Thanks, old sausage! (takes a large swig) Aaaaaaargh!

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6

Harold keels over – dies.

Laura: A little concoction of mine – A very stiff drink – Gin with a side order of starch!

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7

A man enters the scene

Man: You called for a doctor?

Laura: No!

Man: I came anyway. Is this the stiff?

Laura: Yes…

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8

Man: He’s dead!

Laura: You ‘are’ a doctor!

Man: I know! I went to Doctoring School for an absolute age. It was Hell!

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9

Laura: What are we to do?

Man: I think that we should call another doctor.

Laura: Protocol?

Man: Yes! Dr. Protocol!

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10

Another man arrives

2nd Man: You called?

Man: We did.

2nd Man: I am here. Is this the stiff?

Man: No, that’s Laura!

tbc

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see #dialogueforaplay (11-20) and further episodes – thank you G:)

#dialogueforaplay

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Can any Twitterers / Tweeters / Twits / Twoos or the like that are into the crime / detective / murder / mystery genres just check out my #dialogueforaday posts to give me some positive / negative / neutral / neural feedback upon my words – it may take a little effort, but I shall be so grateful of any help in this. G:) Thank You

Any future plot twists or suggestions would be gratefully received and considered and acknowledged – G:)