Tag Archives: #Looe

The Day They Invented The Pasty

The Day They Invented The Pasty

It was a day, a sunny day,

(back in who knows when)

a day just like this one,

but with some sun;

when Bill and Bob, upon a job,

did think upon a problem.

“What shall we have…” said Bill,

“… to take our fill?”

“Our fill of what?” said Bob.

“Our fill of lunch,

we need to munch,

it’s been a busy mornin’”,

said Bill.

“Ah!” said Bob, “I’ve thrupence and a bob

(the coin that is my namesake),

what can we buy

for one and three,

have you a sovereign to add to our kitty?”

“A ‘sovereign!’ “ Bill laughed,

“If I but had; but, no, I’ve not, just a tanner got,

perhaps we could buy an ‘ansum pie,

for the riches we haves between us.”

Bob thought for a moment.

“I have an idea.” said he.

“Let’s dig us some swede…

potatoes we’ll need…

and a pound weight of yon lady’s skirt.”

‘Are you right in the head?’

was what, Bill, should have said;

but he didn’t, he thought the idea was a winner;

“And if we are quick,

we’ll be done in a tick,

and have a—!

… thingy for our dinner.”

Neither knew what to call

this new-fangled dish.

and names they tried, one and twenty;

“Let us not be hasty

to name this food oh so tasty;

perhaps we can call it a… ‘BillBob!’ “

said Bill.

“Or a ‘BobBill!’ said Bob.

Anyway, the pasty had been invented,

though it hadn’t a name,

until forty years later

a Mr. C. A. Pasty had an idea

for eternal fame.

(As if anybody remembers him).

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‘The Tale of the Pasty-Eating, Man-Eating Seagull

‘The Tale of the Pasty-Eating, Man-Eating Seagull

“I was tied up alongside the quay one day,

when I heard the Coxswain to the Boatswain say:

‘Have you ever heard the tale

of the pasty-eating, man-eating seagull?’

‘No!’ replied the Boatswain,

with wonder did he speak,

‘I haven’t heard that tale at all

but twice or thrice this week;

I suppose I’ve little in the way of choice

but to hear it once again.’

‘Little choice indeed!’ then said

the Captain of the boat,

‘tis only through our telling tales

that we keep this craft afloat.’

‘There was an ancient mariner,

who stoppéthed one of three-

but, he’s not in this torrid tale,

there’s only thee and me.

‘One day, the Saucy Sue set sail

and left our harbour home;

we travelled light,

though it were night,

the salty seas to roam.

Setting out from lovely Looe,

as our want was wont to do,

we left the town aways behind,

it was no good as crew.’

‘You said that well.’

the Boatswain cried,

‘much better than before.’

‘Thank ‘ee!’ said the Coxswain,

‘and now, I’ll tell ‘ee more.

‘For three calm days we had fair wind,

though we were in no hurry,

we plied the straits to Dover,

where we stopped off for a curry.’

‘No!’ Spake the Boatswain,

‘we did there no such thing;

we never ate an Indian,

be he just about to sing.’

‘Quite right!’ affirmed the Coxswain,

‘tis wrong to eat a man;

but, here, this tale, it comes to tell

of a certain fair and foul seagull,

who had a different plan.

It was the pasty-eating, man-eating seagull,

of which this tale is all about.

He lived in Dover harbour,

of that there is no doubt;

for I once met him late at night,

upon a lonesome pier;

and if he hadn’t eaten me,

by God, I would be here.’

‘Are you a ghost?’ The Boatswain asked,

‘For, if you are, I be afeared of thee!’

‘No. Calm thee down,

I am just a sailing man,

who loves his old pasty;

could a ghost eat one like this?’

In one gulp he ate it so;

the Boatswain then gasped out, ‘I believe it – No!’

The Coxswain put his mind to sail,

and canvas was set true;

the Boatswain gathered up the ropes,

as Boatswains often do.

“About this gull…?’ the Boatswain said

‘Did it really eat up men,

and make the living, dead?’

‘Indeed it did, and it still does,

it has a hunger great;

it preys on men eating pasties;

and lures them to their fate.’

The horror on the Boatswain’s face,

as the Coxswain told the tale,

was a site to behold;

the Boatswain turned old,

and his hair went gray,

as the Saucy Sue went calmly on her way.

The Coxswain told of many men,

who had all breathéd of their last,

victims of the hungry gull,

‘… who now perches on our mast!’

Aghast, the Boatswain lookéd up,

and aloft did spy the bird;

ill omens seemed to gather there,

as the evil gull took wing to air;

and the Boatswain felt inside

a hunger newly stirred.

‘I must eat a pasty!’

from his mouth,

beneath his breath,

the fatal words were heard;

with a pasty in his hand,

a bite so nearly taken,

and, the Boatswain was so close to death,

at the hands of a seagull, God-forsaken.

Then he bit down, the Boatswain did,

and tasted Cornish Heaven;

the gull did swoop,

all cock-a-hoop,

and ate them both,

the sailor, and his vittles,

‘Oh, Devon!’ the Coxswain swore,

and then he swore a few words more,

at the strange and fearsome sight,

that the written (spoken) word here belittles;

‘twas a sad and fateful night.

The Coxswain and the Boatswain

will sail the seven seas forever,

the Saucy Sue’s a ghost ship now,

and where’er she goes

a sailor knows

she bringeth stormy weather.

The moral of this tale, my friends, is this:

‘Never put to sea

with ghosts as crew;

and, from Dover to Looe,

of pasties do not touch;

for if you do,

it’s the end for you

for as you bite,

there will be

another bite,

the bite of the pasty-eating, man-eating seagull,

who bids you to join his number,

and suffer the fate

of the Coxswain and his mate,

to forever sail the salty seas and never, ever slumber.’ “

‘Where have all the seagulls gone?’

‘Where have all the seagulls gone?’

Where have all the seagulls gone?

I walked through the town

whilst eating my fare,

there wasn’t a single seagull there!

I sat on the beach with my cool ‘99,

the sun shone brightly,

the sand was so fine;

but, ne’er did I hear the cry of:

‘Watch out, he’ll have your food!”

No, not a seagull to be seen,

how very rude.

I wish the seagulls would return,

I wish they would dive-bomb my snack;

oh, where, where are the seagulls?

I do hope they will soon venture back.

Where have all the seagulls gone?

I have a fresh pasty, a lolly, a scone;

I need the seagulls to take their share,

or my diet is ruined beyond repair.

Oh, where have all the seagulls gone?

©️graemesandford.com

Tom The Seagull @Looe

Tom The Seagull @ Looe

Tom The Seagull,

What a catch,

round by the crabb pot

meets his match;

there is Anna

eating chips,

they pair up

and watch the ships

and boats upon the river;

but Anna she won’t share her fare;

she’s a taker, not a giver.

She Sells Seagull Snaps

She Sells Seagull Snaps

She sells seagull snaps beside the sea;

she tried to sell a seagull snap to me…

Another Few Words Upon Seagulls – as if you needed more.

Another Few Words Upon Seagulls – as if you needed more.

“What are those gulls doing

up in the sky?

They were there yesterday,

they are there today;

and, by-and-by,

they’ll be there tomorrow!”

Unwin and Neverwin.

Unwin and Neverwin.

“Can you ‘unwin’ something?” said Unwin.

“Not sure.” said Neverwin. “I’ll let you know if I ever do win something.”

“Didn’t Didwin win something once?” continued Unwin.

“He might have done. It must have been a long time ago.” considered Neverwin.

“He was always entering competitions – so it’s quite likely that he would have won once.” said Unwin, thoughtfully.

Unwin was unsure as to whether just by entering a competition, you were more likely to win, than if you didn’t enter.

“Yes, he entered lots. Though I’m sure he’d have told us if he’d won something. A holiday to Barbados, a hamper of quality goods-“

“A personalised pencil!” interrupted Unwin. “I’ve always wanted to win a personalised pencil.”

“With ‘Unwin’ printed on it?” queried Neverwin.

“Oh, yes!” Unwin’s eyes had lit up. “U.N.W.I.N!”

“Well, dream big, little Unwin – a seagull’s dreams may come true.”

And with that the two gulls lined up the pasty of an easily-distracted holiday maker.

“Tea-time!” they shrieked in unison. “Let’s go and get it!”