The PC chases doctors off stage. DCI looks bemused.
DCI: I look confused. Ergo: I am confused. I do follow. Leaves.
Lady Whom, DC Acey and Laura/Laurence Protocol are left along with the stiff.
DC Acey: I don’t know about you lot.
Lady W: Really!
DC Acey: I hadn’t finished – I was going to add ‘but, I’m confused!’
Laura: Well, you’re not alone!
Lady W: Is he dead yet?
Laur: I’ll kick him.
DC Acey: Ouch!
Laur: He’s alive.
Lady W: I meant ‘him!’ (points)
Laur kicks the stiff.
Laur: He is ‘also’ alive.
Lady W launches a knife into the stiff.
Lady W: I had to do that; he’s been asking for it.
Laur: I didn’t hear him.
DC Acey: ‘And’ he ‘was’ already ‘dead!’
Lady W: I just need to remove a couple of witnesses.
DC Acey: I pity them. More throwing daggers?
Lady W: Oh, yes!
Laur: I think she means ‘us!’
DC Acey: Really?
Laur: I wish we’d all stop saying ‘really!’
Lady W: Your wish is…!
Lady W throws 2 knives and DC Acey gets the point, Laura gets a 6-inch blade neatly between the eyes!
Lady W: Bye!
Lady W: Being in the circus was excellent training for life… or for death… situations; I’m so glad I ran away!
The Policemen Return.
DCI: Hello three times; what’s been going on here, then?
Lady W: Are you talking to me?
DCI: Seems like you are the ‘last man standing!’
Lady W: Really!
DCI: it’s just a phrase!
PC: He’s going through!
Lady W: I saw it all!
PC: You look like you’ve been around a bit!
Lady W: A masked man ran into the room and slew!
Lady W: Yes ‘slew!’ And having slewed, he ran off into the night!
PC: It’s 3:30!
Lady W: The afternoon!
DCI: Constable, we are going to need some more ‘chalk’ outlines. If you can just mosey off, good lad. Don’t rush.
Posted in crime, detectives, dialogue, dialogueforaplay, fun, murder, Play, silly, sleuth
Tagged #dialogueforaplay, #graemesandford, #hangerfarmpoets, #janegoldsack, #play, #sleuth, @Jane_Goldsack, crime, detective, Dialogue, murder
DCI: It’s my opinion that the ‘perpetrator’ was known to the ‘victim’.
PC: They were married, sir.
DCI: Constable, I want you to round up the witnesses and have them all gathered in the… here… In ten minutes.
DCI: I shall now round up the ‘stiff’ and the ‘murderer’ and then we shall have one of those ‘Poirot-like’ reveals.
The police leave in opposite directions. Then recross the room, leave again. The ‘stiff’ returns, resumes place.
Nothing happens for a few minutes. Apart from the ‘stiff’ trying to get comfy. The phone rings. Nobody answers it.
Phone stops. Dr P enters, answers the unringing phone.
Dr P: Hello… Yes… 14 ounces in a pound, no. 16! Bye!
Dr P: Are you still dead?
De P: Nobody else here.
Stiff: Dead as a Do.
Dr P: Dodo?
Stiff: Not that dead!
Dr P: So, there is no victim.
Stiff: I’m teaching them a lesson.
Dr P: ‘Them’ are my family!
Dr P shoots the stiff.
Dr P leaves. The Police et al return (not Dr P).
DCI: Hello, hello, hello…
DCI: I heard a gunshot!
PC: I can see those months at Detective School weren’t wasted.
Dr 1: The dead man!
Dr1: He’s… dead!
Dr 1: No, he’s really dead. Before, he was only pretentious!
Dr 1: Pretending.
DCI: So, he’s ‘really’ dead?
Dr 1: Really! I should know – I am a doctor!
Dr P enters.
Dr P: No, that is not true!
DCI: Not a doctor?
PC: Not ‘dead?’
Dr 1: Yes, I am not a ‘dead’ doctor.
Dr P: Nor a ‘doctor!’
Dr1: What about Nora?
DCI: It seems a murder ‘may’ or ‘may not’ have occurred, I shall go to any lengths.
Dr1: Are you paid by the yard?
Dr P: What about my ‘impersonating a doctor’ accusation?
DCI: I take that most seriously. Constable, arrest him!
Posted in crime, detective, dialogue, dialogueforaplay, murder, mystery, Play, silly, sleuth, theater, theatre
Tagged #dialogueforaplay, #foolishness, #hangerfarmpoets, #play. '#theatre, #spoof, #theater, crime, detective, Dialogue, murder, mystery, Silliness
I don’t know about you (I really don’t)
But, I find Waiting Rooms depressing;
People stressing, worried about undressing for the doctor (or is that just me?)
You see, I saw a lady doctor last time I was here when I was expecting…
expecting to see a man doctor!
Well, I didn’t realise until the Display Screen in the Waiting Room ran through the staff, I mean…
Doctor Ellvick (I’ve changed Dr Elliot’s name to save her blushes) was a woman, with a woman’s hands and fingers!
Well, the memory lingers.
I apologised for being a man, for being me, for being!
You see, I am of a nervous disposition at the best of times and at the worst of times.
There are patients to the left of me, patients to the right of me, but too few, by far, in front of me!
They’ll call my name in a minute, and I will walk the walk of shame to the room of unease, please let me be the recipient of a miracle cure right here, right now.
“Graeme Sandford?” she calls.
Wish me luck; G give me strength. I say (inwardly)
Is it too late to DNA?
…am taking centre stage
(in an LBN – a little black number
which is slightly ‘off the wall’)
Am I on the right lines
As I preside over my court?
I focus upon the passers-by
who are by-passing the others to gaze
solely at my décolletage;
barely pausing at the collage next to me;
before also by-passing the purchasing of a single thing.
When suddenly, I descried someone wearing…
the exact same creation as me!
Imagine my total loss of elation.
I could have cried.
Now, side by side we stand;
Imperceptible in our differences
but, one of discerning tastes
Must have preferences…
Look at her page lines!
I, am the real
This poem was inspired by the two delightful pictures above by the Natural Connections artist Sarah Louise Baker.
For more information, visit:http://www.hampshireartandcraft.org/community–fundraising-events.html
Saturday 8th November 2014, 6.30 – 8.30pm
An evening of poetry by The TeaPoet Collective responding to an exhibition of paintings and sculpture by artists from The Yard Studios at Rum’s Eg Gallery.
The work is on show at Rum’s Eg art and craft gallery in Romsey from 8 October to 9 November. You are invited to look at images of the artwork on the gallery website click here…. or visit the gallery in person and write your own poem. Please send poems to email@example.com or contact them for more information.
The poetry will be presented at this lively and informal event in the first floor Cafe at Rum’s Eg, with a bar and snacks on the night. The event is free but please email teapoets to let them know if you are coming.
Spin, spin, spin;
Will I win?
Red or Black?
Lose or win?
Where and when will the whites within
Choose to land?
Round and round
The machine is sound
It will not play me false
It dances back and forwards
Like a modern-day Dickensian waltz
The powders and the liquids
Help to clear my mindings
If it all goes to plan
I shall be pleased with final findings
Spin, spin, spin;
Shall I win?
Or shall the chamber be filled
With a bulletin of promises
That leaves my tears so spilled
Watching and waiting
Waiting and wondering
If all this time I’m waiting for a joining
Or waiting for a sundering.
Spin, spin, spin…
Posted in hangerfarmpoets, poem, Poetry, russianroulette, washingmahine
Tagged #24, #hangerfarmpoets, #russianroulette, #washingmachine, Poem, Poems, Poetry
Poets die in hot cars;
While doggerels lay exhausted in the heat of the midday sun
Lacking fluid and needing the shadow
Of Autum-te-dum leaves.
The sweat of a writer's brow trickles between lashes
And splashes of colour lighten up an otherwise dull shade of grey.
Old tomes lie, unread, unnoticed and largely unwanted
when minute devices carry their weight lightly
Politely giving up their words at the press of a button
Although some would think of Shakespeare as Lamb dressed up like Milton.
Or Brie compared to Stilton.
Poems die in a bright non-blaze of apathy
Lounging in cupboards and drawers; spouting off about charges and wars
When all the people want is a quick laugh
Without too much bother
"Brother, can you spare the time to read a book?"
And so it goes
Where it will end
The written word is fading and blurred
And will be long forgotten
When all things have occurred
That are happening now.
Learning to read?
What is the need?
Posted in Funny, humour, poem, poet, Poetry
Tagged #hangerfarmpoets, #poet, Funny, hangerfarm, humour, infograe, Poem, Poetry, Poets
Walku 98 (Tennyson)
“Water to the left…”
“Water to the right…”
“Into the puddles!”
Walku 99 (A Walk in the Woods)
“Along forest paths
Through the winding woods we go…”
“Daddy will guide us.”
Walku 100 (Rover!)
“What’s ‘Roverandom?’ ”
“It is a book by Tolkein.
It’s about a dog.”
Walku 101 (and Rover again!)
“What does this dog do?”
“He has lots of adventures
And goes to the moon.”
Walku 102 (Rover and Out!)
“Is he big and brave?”
“No, pint-size; he is tiny –
Smaller than you are!”
Walku 103 (And Really Out)
“It’s not ‘quantity’
It’s the quality that counts –
And it’s there ‘I’ win!”.
#puppy # puppies
Posted in #haikuthelabradoo, #vegathedoggerelpoet, #walkus, @poemmegroup, animals, dog, Dogs, Funny, graemesandford, Haiku, hangerfarmpoets, humour, infograe, labradoodles, pets, poem, poetical, Poetry, pup, puppies, puppy, Puppy Poem, puppypoem, puppypoems, pups
Tagged #dogs, #graemesandford, #haikuthelabradoo, #hangerfarmpoets, #puppies, #puppypoems, #Pups, #vegathedoggerelpoet, #walkus, @HolisticMoon, @poemmegroup, infograe