Tag Archives: Funny

A Silly Poem Just For You.

I was discovered

in a cupboard

nearly forty years later;

I had hidden:

nobody had sought.

I thought

that that

would be the end of it;

but, no;

it caused so much of a fuss

that they had to fill a bus

with melted snow,

just so they could say they had;

times were bad,

though, at times, times

we’re not so bad

as they had been,

or we’re going to be –

although, sometimes, they were.

We, as a community,

do not have total immunity

from sharing a sense of déjà vu;

you, on the other hand,

have no toes,

and a nose

which never glows.

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A Short Story

Once upon a time…

… there was a short story.

It wasn’t long at all;

and it wasn’t at all tall.

So short it was,

and set out so,

that it thought it was a poem;

but, it wasn’t.

It didn’t have much to say;

but, one day,

under the bluest of skies,

It left it’s home

and went off to seek fame and fortune.

Finding neither,

the short story settled down

with an extract from Coleridge’s Mariner,

and they lived happily ever after.

Script for a Tester’s Jeer

Toe-in-the-Water Radio Show SCRIPT – locked up

Me: He has just been released from prison.

You: What had he done?

Me: Done! What had he ‘not’ done?

You: I think that may be a long list.

Me: True. He was found guilty of being a bugler.

You: A bugler?

Me: Yes, he would break into ‘Reveille Or ‘Retreat’ at all hours of the morning and as he refused to stop it, they thought that the best thing to do was to lock him up and throw away the key of C.

You: The key of C?

Me: Yes, seems that was what the trumpet was tuned to.

You: Did it do any good?

Me: Well, his neighbours certainly thought so.

You: And now they’ve let him out?

Me: Yes, he was getting too big for his cell.

Yes: Does that joke work?

Me: Not in this universe, dear friend; but, it had to be said.

You: Why?

Me: It’s in the script.

You: It is. How did that get that through the censors?

Me:Have you heard of bribery? Using large sums of money for the means of… crime?

You: No.

Me: Good boy. We shall go far.

Mr. Bean (He went to the College of the Queen)

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Have you seen, Mr Bean?
Have you heard him speak?
He is a funny sort of chap
I think he’s quite unique;
And with his tiny mini
He’s always in a state
How he even gets inside
I still can’t correlate.

Have I just discovered a way to make myself even funnier (Hello, is there anybody out there?)

Me: Am I Funny Yet? You: A bit further.

Me: Am I Funny Yet?
You: A bit further.

Me: I was hoping you’d be on the train.

You: Out of here? Or on my way back to you?

Me: Yes, something along those lines.

You: That’s not even remotely funny.

Me: People say that ‘the further away you are; the funnier you become.’

You: Me?

Me: Yes, ‘Me.’

You: You’re crazy!

Me: It has been mentioned that that may be a probability of being a possibility.

You: Stay there, I’m just going to make you a lot funnier.

Me: How?

You (fainter): Pardon? You’ll have to speak up a bit.

Me: I said ‘How?’

You (shouting from a distance) What?

Me: HOW?

You (really far away): It’s working.

Me: WHAT?

SFX (Nothing)

Me: WHAT DID YOU SAY?

A Q&A Session for the Inquisitive about my Poetry

May Contain Words

is questionable!.

Do I have to write every day?

I do.

Does what I write make me happy?

It often does.

Why is that?

The process focuses my mind upon people and places, thoughts and feelings that I encounter as I travel my life roads.

If Hannah had some sweets and ate some would you try and work out a rhyme for the orange sweets?

Knowing me (as I do) yes.

Would it rhyme?

All the time.

Honestly?

No, probably not ‘all’ the time; it is very difficult to arrange oranges in a rhyme.

Yes, I know that.

Keep to the questions; you’re not allowed to reflect.

I’m not?

No. That is the job of the poet – as if you didn’t know it. The questioner has a lot to answer for; if you don’t question my reasons for existing as a poet I shall show you the door.

And very nice it is, too.

That’s it… Out you go.

Why?

It’s too late for that. Begone!

And so ends our Question and Answer session – I hope it was useful for you inquisitive types. We shall try and host another soon… if we can find a proper Questioneer!

A World of Woe!

image

A man walks into a laundrette and asks the lady there: “Have you got anything that will remove nasty stains from society?”

The lady replies: “Splinge!”

“Splinge?” Queries the man.

“Yes – and now with added Gribble-Tang!”
NB The World’s Woes cannot be easily solved – but, a laugh can help you to deal with a little of them for a little while – I try to see the lightness when all around may be less than bright. G:)