Tag Archives: Duologue

Monologue, Duologue, and Trialogue. A Liskeard Writers Group prompt.

Monologue, Duologue, and Trialogue.

SD Monologue and Dialogue are somewhere in Scotland. The weather is a bit grim, as usual.

Mon: Is this a dagger that I see before me?

Duo: Hey, MackyBee, I can’t see any dagger; are you sure that you can see one?

SD Enter Trialogue.

Tria: Mon Dieu! Hey, you two, What’s going on here? I thought that we were all meeting at The Heath for a pint when all the hurly-burly was good and done!

Mon: The handle toward my hand…

Duo: Listen, Mac, I really don’t see any daggers. (to Tria:) I think he’s been on the funny-juice again?

Tria: Well, He won’t be winning or losing any battles if he’s carrying on like this, will he? Lay on MacBeth – and lay off the funny-juice!

Mon: Come, let me clutch thee!

Duo: Steady on, old chum; I know your missus has been driving you hard lately; but, that’s no reason to look Elsinore-where for your home comforts.

Tria: Funny, hahahahamlet! Well, I don’t know about you two idiots – I really don’t – but, I’m off out on the dusty road to The Heath for a quick Bloody Mary and a packet of Queen Elizabeth Potato Crisps, before they close.

Duo: Ooh, that sounds like a plan. (to Mon): Are you coming, Beth?

Mon: Thou marshall’st me the way that I was going.

Tria: Aye. That we are. You’re both welcome to join me; although, I’m not sure if they’ll be too happy about letting us in if we’re carrying any of those imaginary daggers, like.

Duo: Oh, it’s just Mack the Knife there; he may have been bitten by a shark.

Tria: Really?

Duo: No. It’s from a song. Let’s get going. (To MacBeth) Last one there buys the first round!

SD Duo and Tria leave for The Heath.

Mon: I see thee not…

Tria (offstage): That’s because we’re way off to the pub, pet!

Duo: (offstage): We’ll put it on your tab! Don’t be long, the bell for last orders will soon be ringing, and Duncan the Landlord is a stickler for ‘time-keeping’.

Tria: (Now with Duo Centre Stage, to Duo): The chances of him buying a round are as likely as Birnam Wood moving to Dunsinane. (to Mon): Tight-wad!

Duo: (to Mon): If we don’t see you at The Heath, we’ll see you tomorrow.

Mon (now he is offstage): And tomorrow, and tomorrow.

Tria (to Duo): You’re right, he’s certainly one witch short of a coven. Come on let’s get a wiggle on and we might just catch the karaoke.

Duo: On, no; I’m not partnering you on ‘Summer Nights’ again.

Tria: But, you make a wonderful Sandy.

Duo: Oh, really?

Tria: Actually, I reckon Maccy B would make an even better Sandy. (Mimics MacBeth) I’ve got daggers… they are multiplying…

Duo (also mimics MacBeth): And I’m losing control!

Tria: That just about sums up his situation.

Duo: Anyway, let us do karaoke first and have a drink after.

Tria: Aye! For alcohol, it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance.

Duo: And there’s nothing worse than a witch belting out Michael Jackson’s ‘Bad’ when she’s had a few double-troubles!

Tria: Fair’s fair; but may I remind you of that time that you and Macbeth sang Status Quo’s ‘In The Army Now’?

Duo: Oh, yes, Status Quo, I remember; it should have been banned?

Tria: Ban Quo? Surely not!

Exit Stage Left pursued by a tragic ending.

Duo and Tria (singing, if it could be called that): Those Summer Ni-iiiights!’

Audience Member: Tell me more, tell me more…


Harbingers, Plagues and Sacrifices – A Dialogue


SFX        Entrance with trumpets and more of H.


Q            Good morning, and you are..?


H            I am a demi-god of the lower realm.


Q            I am Questata. Chief Priest of… here! What can I do for you?


H            I’m a harbinger.


Q            A har… binger? Is that Indian? Pakistani?


H            No, I am a harbinger, a fore-warning of impending catastrophes; flooding, droughts, plagues, and the like.


Q            Oh, I see. And we’re going to have a catastrophe, are we?


H            Yes, otherwise my being here would be rather pointless – wouldn’t you think?


Q            Mmmm! So which of those catastrophes you mentioned are we going to have thrust upon us?


H            Well… It’s a most unusual plague.


Q            Locusts? Frogs? Boils?


H            Err-um! No, none of those. It is, as I said, a most ‘unusual’ plague.


Q            Well?


H            It’s a plague of Chocolate!


Q            Sorry? Did you say ‘Chocolate?’


H            Yes…


Q            Milk or plain?


H            Excuse me?


Q            Milk or plain chocolate?


H            (checks clip-board) I think it’s going to be milk. Plain chocolate would be a bit of a headache to arrange, whereas milk chocolate is obviously the… easier option.


Q            Really?


H            Well, it’s our first time sending Chocolate to the masses… as a… ‘punishment!’ But we’ve had some new blood on the Selection Committee and they have introduced some…innovative ideas.


Q            How will it be enacted upon us… this plague of… Chocolate?


H            Ah, it will be poured upon you from the skies until you are coated from head to foot in full cream dairy milk Chocolate. Not a square inch of you will be spared.


Q            I see. I don’t suppose you’re following this up with a plague of Lesbians soon after, are you?


H            No! Why?


Q            Just a thought. Are there any future plagues that we can look forward to?


H            Ho, hum! Bit embarrassing this next one on the list.


Q            Out with it.


H            Well, it’s a plague of… Handbags.


Q            Handbags!


H            Yes. As I was saying we’ve had some new blood on the committee and the two ladies have set us on a different course of ‘punishments.’


Q            Mmmm… Okay! You are the Harbinger, which is to say an advance messenger of the nature of our… ‘destruction’, which is decided by a… ‘committee’ of… how many?


H            Three.


Q            Three? And two of those are the ‘Ladies’ who have chosen ‘Chocolate’ and ‘Handbags’ as the next two plagues?


H            Yes, I originally voted against ‘Chocolate’ as I didn’t see it as much of a punishment, but the ladies said that ‘too much Chocolate is not good for people’ and so I came round, so that was carried unanimously, but obviously handbags, when weighted with a number of essential items, are obviously designed to inflict brutal harm upon the populace… well, men, anyway.


Q            And there’s just the three of you on this committee?


H            Yes?


Q            And are they Lesbians?


H            I don’t think so. Why would they be Lesbians?


Q            Well, the handbags don’t make much sense, but the Chocolate might.


SD – pause


Q            Are they both thirty-feet tall, like you?


H            Oh, no, no, no, they are petite and diminutive; no more than twenty-seven feet tall at the best estimate. It’s very rude to ask a lady’s height, you know.


Q            It must be. So what have we to look forward to… sorry, look out for after the… handbags?


H            Well, provisionally we have a mixed plague of Shopping Catalogues and Beautiful Homes Magazines ordered and at the ready, but the ladies wanted to visit the Earth and see the effects of the first two of our ‘new season’ plagues before they visited the third plague upon all of mankind.


Q            Are you in charge of this committee then?


H            Yes, I have the casting vote if there is a dispute as to whether we decide upon a plague or not.


Q            And so far?


H            The ladies ‘have carried’ all of the votes so far, for and against plagues – they weren’t too keen on the mountains of poisonous ash cascading down on to the lands – said it would probably leave a bitter after-taste in the mouth, and would be a hell of a problem to clean up afterwards.


Q            Chocolate?


H            Yes, they were particularly keen to send Chocolate down upon the masses.


Q            So how is mankind supposed to survive this plague?


H            Well, they could eat it, or lick it all off.


Q            Would it help if we sacrificed a few female virgins to the gods?


H            I don’t think that that would impress the ladies.


Q            How about if we sacrificed a few Lesbians, would that get their attention?


H            You seem to have a bit of a thing about Lesbians.


Q            I’ve got this T-shirt, you see.


H            (reading) ‘Cover me in Choclate… and throw me too… the Lesbeans!’ Did you know there are a few spelling mistakes there?


Q            Really?  I printed it myself. Thought it was rather good.


H            Mmmm. Black T-shirt with white slogan of a semi-witty nature, late 1980’s faded through washing to a pasty-grey colouring; cheap material wearing thin at the neck and the seams are pulling. All in all it’s pretty… tacky.


Q            Oooh, get you, Mr High and Mighty. Hardly Mr. Up-To-Date-Fashion-Icon.


H            I am a minor god. We don’t go in for being fashionable.


Q            Unlike your two newbies, I bet.


H            Yes, well, they seem to have a way of… well, getting their way. I think they are God’s adopted grand-nieces… or something.


Q            Is that what they told you.


H            Yes, they were most convincing…


Q            I bet they were. A couple of lookers, are they?


H            Hookers?


Q            No, you peanut, ‘Lookers!’


H            Oh, ah, yes, they are rather fetching


Q            And now you are the errand boy. (with affected voice) ‘Go tell the masses Chocolate’s on its way!’


H            How do you know that…? Yes, Ino and Juno are back in the office having a ‘finances’ meeting. But, it’s funny that I always get back and they’ve also had their hair done, their eyebrows plucked, or their legs waxed (which is most unusual).


Q            Finances meeting? What finances do you have to deal with?


H            Well, none really, that’s not our department. We’re just ‘Plagues and Sacrifices’, and I’m also doubling as the Harbinger of bad news.


Q            Mmmm. Would it be of any use to sacrifice anybody of any sort to them? Just as a sort of offering to offset the offloading of an ocean and a half of Chocolate?


H            They don’t seem the type to worry about insignificant sacrifices. They know what they want and they seem to know how to jolly well get it!


Q            Would you mind if we sacrificed a few anyway, for appearances sake?


H            No, go ahead, fill your boots.


Q            What, with Chocolate?


H            Sorry?


Q            Doesn’t matter.