Tag Archives: comedy

I Met The Bard, Today (oh, boy!).

I met The Bard again today;

He made me laugh

I had to say;

He’s not normally big on jokes;

And his histories and tragedies

All end with piles of blokes

Littered around the stage

They die to order

Off the page.

But, today,

I laughed at his funny face

And, for a moment,

All was well with the spinning Globe

Of the Human Race .

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A Radio Sketch

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Ann 1: And now we have for your delectation : Glen Miller in the nude

Ann 2: in the ‘Mood!’ You donk!

Grams (a poor kazoo version of In The Mood starts up, initially it’s soft and subtle; but, then…)

SD 1 (just after it starts; before it goes bad) Ah, nice.

SD After a few moments Ann 2 states

Ann 2: That’s not Glenn Miller.

Ann 1: But, he is in the nude. Hey, mate; give it a rest, that’s fair doing my ears in… and it’s not doing much for my eyes, either. Get some togs on, will ya?

Ann 2: Did you book him?

Ann 1: If I was a cop I’d book him for something. I thought he was a sure winner; Glen Miller is very popular.

Ann 2: He died in 1945.

Ann 1: I thought he was younger. Just goes to show.

Ann 2: Show ‘what’ Exactly?

Ann 1: That you can’t judge a book by its cover.

Ann 2: Fair enough. Glenn?

Glen: It’s ‘Glen’ not ‘Glenn’.

Ann 2: Whatever. How old are you?

Glen: Forty-three, give or take.

Ann 2: Okay. I’ll ‘give’ you some advice; then you can ‘take’ it away with you. Sound fair?

Glen: Sounds fair to me.

Ann 2: Don’t give up the day job – and please don’t tell me that ‘this’ is it.

Glen: Certainly not, Madam. I am a qualified chartered accountant.

Ann 2: Figures.

Glen: Precisely.

Ann 2: Oh, well; good luck with that. And back to the show. Craig?

Ann 1: Thank you: and now ‘You can leave your hat on…’

Ann 2: Good grief.

Ann 1: By Tim Jones.

End.

Script for a Tester’s Jeer

Toe-in-the-Water Radio Show SCRIPT – locked up

Me: He has just been released from prison.

You: What had he done?

Me: Done! What had he ‘not’ done?

You: I think that may be a long list.

Me: True. He was found guilty of being a bugler.

You: A bugler?

Me: Yes, he would break into ‘Reveille Or ‘Retreat’ at all hours of the morning and as he refused to stop it, they thought that the best thing to do was to lock him up and throw away the key of C.

You: The key of C?

Me: Yes, seems that was what the trumpet was tuned to.

You: Did it do any good?

Me: Well, his neighbours certainly thought so.

You: And now they’ve let him out?

Me: Yes, he was getting too big for his cell.

Yes: Does that joke work?

Me: Not in this universe, dear friend; but, it had to be said.

You: Why?

Me: It’s in the script.

You: It is. How did that get that through the censors?

Me:Have you heard of bribery? Using large sums of money for the means of… crime?

You: No.

Me: Good boy. We shall go far.

Mr. Bean (He went to the College of the Queen)

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Have you seen, Mr Bean?
Have you heard him speak?
He is a funny sort of chap
I think he’s quite unique;
And with his tiny mini
He’s always in a state
How he even gets inside
I still can’t correlate.

Link

Toe-in-the-Water Radio Show Episode la Troisieme (Audio Version)

Toe-in-the-Water Radio Show Episode la Troisieme (Audio Version)

 

The third episode of the Toe-in-the-Water Radio Show with all of its musical loveliness and sketch silliness – please give it a listen. Thank You

Includes such leg-ends as Jane Goldsack, Jonathan H. Klein, Grant Sharkey, Angela Van Son, Katrina Henningham, Craig Henningham, Ziggy Woodward, Clare Selina Farmer, Liam White, Grae-Me Sandford and maybe others… I forgets… sorry, if I did. G:)