Tag Archives: #Characters

‘Introducing…’ the Ubiquitous Sydney Blackspur

GRAMS: Theme tune fades in and then out.

Announcer: Introducing… the ubiquitous… Sydney… Blackspur!!!!

SFX mild applause

Sydney: Hello.

Announcer: Hello, Sydney!

Sydney: Hello.

Announcer: Right! Let’s get down to business.

Sydney: Okay.

Announcer: ‘Ubiquitous!’ What does it mean?

Sydney: Well, people are always asking me that.

Announcer: Yes? And what do you tell those people?

Sydney: Well, I tell them to go and look it up.

Announcer: And, do they?

Sydney: Usually… they don’t. But… on occasion… they go away… and… they ‘might’ look it up – J have no way of knowing where they go and what they do once they have left my immediacy.

Announcer: ‘Immediacy?’ What— oh, never mind, I’ll go and look it up.

Sydney: Okay.

SD there is a protracted silence.

Sydney (to anyone): Is he coming back?

SD there is no reply.

Sydney: Oh.

GRAMS: Theme tune fades in and then out.

SFX Final sound effect – probably a ‘Clang!’.

From The Village – 1

From The Village – 1

Here comes our noble Chairman,

running round the block;

he only wears one trainer,

and a very holy sock;

nothing else at all

to hide us from the shock

of the very noble Chairman,

who is running round the block.