Shylock: Look! There’s the ‘smoking bun!
What’sOn: Don’t you mean ‘smoking gun?’
Shylock: It’s a bun, What’sOn; and there is smoke rising from it. But, I do see what you mean. It ‘is’ also a smoking gun.
What’sOn: Shall I bag it up for evidence, Shylock?
Shylock: It may be wise to douse the flames first, What’sOn. Or you shall encourage the conflagration to escalate.
What’sOn: Ah! Well spotted, Shlock. I was just seeing if you’d notice that.
Shylock: Yes, What’sOn, most plausible. And please don’t call me Shlock, or I shall have to trim your moustache whilst you sleep, again.
What’sOn: Yes, Shy-lock. Right, here goes.
SD What’sOn pours a carafe of table water over the smoking bun. The smoke and flames are doused.
Shylock: Well done, What’sOn.
What’sOn: Thank you, Shylock.
Shylock: However…
What’sOn: Yes, Shylock?
Shylock: It may have been wiser to pop a glass bowl over the bun; thus extinguishing the smoke and any flames by removing the air from the vicinity.
What’sOn: That’s true.
Shylock: Instead of which, you have ruined the evidence. You are almost an idiot!
What’sOn: That’s true, too, Shylock.
Shylock: Oh, well; back to the drawing board.
SD There is a slight pause
Shylock: What’sOn?
What’sOn: Yes, Shylock?
Shylock: Don’t give up your day job.
What’sOn (resignedly): No, Shylock.
Graeme Sandford 