Tag Archives: #BakerStreet

221b Bagel Street

221b Bagel Street

Les Tirade (singing): Excuse me, sir, can you tell me how to get, how to get to Bakery Street?

Sherlock H: Do you mean, Bagel Street?

Les Tirade: No, Bakery.

Shylock H: Mmm – here is my card.

Les Tirade: Ah! Mr Sherlock Helms, two two one b Bagel Street! Shouldn’t ‘that’ be Bakery?

Sherlock H: Bagels do come form the bakery, yes; but my card is correct in every aspect.

Les Tirade: And ‘you’ are never wrong?

Sherlock: H: In that, ‘you’ are correct, Monsieur Tirade, chief inspector, doyen of the New North of the Border Three Feet, Robert Peeler of the flat foot variety.

Les Tirade: New Scotland Yard?

Sherlock H: That’s the fellow!

Les Tirade: And all the rest?

Sherlock: As true as veracity makes it.

Les Tirade: Never a straight answer from you, is there, Mister Helms?

Sherlock: It is how I am written.

Les Tirade: Exactly!

One day in the life of our Baking Street Heroes

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Shylock: Look! There’s the ‘smoking bun!

What’sOn: Don’t you mean ‘smoking gun?’

Shylock: It’s a bun, What’sOn; and there is smoke rising from it. But, I do see what you mean. It ‘is’ also a smoking gun.

What’sOn: Shall I bag it up for evidence, Shylock?

Shylock: It may be wise to douse the flames first, What’sOn. Or you shall encourage the conflagration to escalate.

What’sOn: Ah! Well spotted, Shlock. I was just seeing if you’d notice that.

Shylock: Yes, What’sOn, most plausible. And please don’t call me Shlock, or I shall have to trim your moustache whilst you sleep, again.

What’sOn: Yes, Shy-lock. Right, here goes.

SD What’sOn pours a carafe of table water over the smoking bun. The smoke and flames are doused.

Shylock: Well done, What’sOn.

What’sOn: Thank you, Shylock.

Shylock: However…

What’sOn: Yes, Shylock?

Shylock: It may have been wiser to pop a glass bowl over the bun; thus extinguishing the smoke and any flames by removing the air from the vicinity.

What’sOn: That’s true.

Shylock: Instead of which, you have ruined the evidence. You are almost an idiot!

What’sOn: That’s true, too, Shylock.

Shylock: Oh, well; back to the drawing board.

SD There is a slight pause

Shylock: What’sOn?

What’sOn: Yes, Shylock?

Shylock: Don’t give up your day job.

What’sOn (resignedly): No, Shylock.