Tag Archives: Apocalypse

Triffid numbers

Friday, June 17th.

With five triffids awaiting us at the front of the house, and one solitary fellow at the rear, we have become something of a cooped goose. We can still look out at them enquiringly from behind our upstairs windows, but feel that their presence, and their depth of patience, will outlast our limited food supplies. They are already mounting pressure upon the wooden porch that precursors access to the rest of the house – ‘How long will that stand against their efforts? is a question that we are continuously asking ourselves.

Catriona – the cattery owner

Catriona was an angel;

but, an angel without wings.

She loved the cats,

had mega long chats,

and fed and watered them

‘til they grew.

When all the cats were ginormous,

humongous, or quite large,

Catriona unleashed the herd,

and off they all went, “Charge!”

Now that the cats rule the world,

and humans are forsaken,

we look back upon Catriona,

and the actions that then were taken.

The Four Haiku of the Apocalypse

1. Pestilence

I bring you sickness,

plagues of all shape and size-

do you feel unwell?

2. War

Battles that you hate,

pointless death to one and all,

and for what purpose?

3. Famine

Not a morsel there,

in your empty cupboard bare –

eat of the thin air.

4. Death

Well, it’s at an end,

and what a relief, my friend;

off to Hell you go!

The First National Apostrophe Shortage – its a thing!

Whodve thought it?

The First National Apostrophe Shortage – in history.

Its here!

It couldve been averted,

maybe shouldve been;

but wasnt.

“Whatll happen now?”

Weve not got long to wait,

Shallnt be more than a while,

“Cant we do anything?”

No. Shouldve acted sooner;

stocked up, panic bought,

provided for the unknown future.

“Wouldve it made a difference

if we hadve done so?”

Dramatically (and grammatically) speaking,

No. Weve mucked it up –

thats what weve done.

“Oh.”

Thats the spirit.

“ITEOTW(AWKI)AIFF!”

It’s not the end of the world (as we might know it), but the end of the end – with all the bells and whistles ringing loud.

Haiku of the Apocalypse

Just five minutes left

until the end of the world –

time for a Haiku?

Fine! It’s the end of the world as we know it (again) and I feel that this time…

I have just been told

that the world ends

in three days!

Surely, I just have the time

for a little rhyme

or two?

But, if it turns out

that they’ve miscalculated the date

YET AGAIN,

it would be an awful pain,

not to mention

the awkwardness of having to organise

the reinstatement

of the futuristic dimension –

which would then re-exist –

and of us having to face next Monday

with all the stoicism and bluster

that we can muster.

Green-Sky Thinking

‘Green-Sky Thinking’

I’ve been doing some thinking;

some green-sky thinking;

thinking,

wondering what it would be like

if the sky was green;

“What do you mean, ‘the sky, green?”

Well, it’s normally blue, or cloudy white

or fifty-one shades of grey –

sometimes with a pinkish hue

seen on a particularly fine day.

I’ve been thinking,

thinking about what it would mean

if the sky turned green;

not with an invasion of little green beings

from Mars,

not that sort of thinking;

nor by the reflection of the grass;

but, by the toxic waste fumes –

that sort of thing.

I’ve been thinking,

green-sky thinking,

about what it would be like

if we had a green sky,

and, by and by, I think

‘my, oh my!’,

or phrases slightly stronger than that,

which can’t be spoken

in genteel, polite society.

I’ve been thinking,

green-sky thinking,

because I’m that sort of guy;

thinking about green skies;

I’m not that wise,

you can tell when you look into my eyes;

after you have asked me a question

and it’s not just indigestion,

it’s confusion,

there’s no delusion

that this planet is heading towards a green sky…

… and then it will die.

Haiku: ‘Ten!’ by Graeme Sandford

countdown10
“Ten!”
The ‘End’ is nigh!
“Nine!”
The destruction of our race!
“Eight!”
“Help us, oh Lord!”

“Seven!”
What to do?
“Six!”
We just haven’t a clue!
“Five!”
Make love to you?

“Four!”
Kiss ass ‘goodbye?’
“Three!”
You mustn’t see me cry.
“Two!”
It’s almost time!

“One!”
Don’t want to die!
“Zero!”
Au revoir cruel world!

“Zero…!” (Click) “Restart!”

“Ten!”
What? ‘Ten!’ Again!
“Nine!”
Are you having a laugh?
“Eight!”
This is stupid!

“Seven!”
It’s faulty!
“Six!”
I’ll have to take it back.
“Five!”
‘Early Warning!’

“Four!’”
A bit worried.
“Three!”
In fact, a ‘lot’ worried!
“Two!”
Where shall I hide?

“One!”
I can’t decide!
“Zero!”
Farewell my life, my…
“Zero…!” (Click!) “Restart!”

“Ten!”
Right! That’s ‘it!’
“Ten!”
It’s definitely wrong!
“Ten!”
Bl**dy device!

“Ten!”
Oh, give me strength!
“Ignition! You are now dead.”
…………………………………….

“April Fool!”
What the…………!