Seagulls – an update.

There is no such thing as a seagull;

seagulls do not exist;

if you have a hankering to see one

(before you die)

you can cross it off of your list.


Cheesy Socks

Cheesy Socks

Are cheesy socks

a thing to you?

When removing them

do you go ‘phewwwwww?’

Does one sock smell

of ripe Emmental;

and the other of Stilton or worse?

Would a gas-mask be useful

In dealing with a pair;

whilst, on standby,

a recovery nurse.

The aroma so heady

of a stinky sock,

will leave you unsteady

and a nostril unblock;

if you find you’ve a pair

that reek of Boursin de Pied

it’s best that you incinerate them

for a year and a day.

Less Epic Poetry #5

Less Epic Poetry #5

Shall I compare thee to a Summer house?

Shall I?

Thou art always in the garden,

and… you need tidying;

and… I plant my seeds in you…

oops! That’s quite rude,

the thing that I hath just said;

shall I compare thee to a counsellor, or a nunnery


Family Dynamics.

Jago didn’t like Sago,

and Sago didn’t like Jago,

or Semolina.

Semolina just ignored the twins.

Their parents were definitely to blame for any and all of their shortcomings.

Less Epic Poetry #4

Less Epic Poetry #4

It is an ancient mariner…

actually, it is the Ancient Mariner,

the bistro here in Looe;

although I’ve never eaten there,

one day I’m intending to.

Trelawny – A Song (My Silly Version)

Silly Song – Trelawny.

It’s mainly in GMaj and CMaj, the odd DMaj can be added if you wish – play brightly and breezily.

And shall Trelawny live

Or shall Trelawny die

there’s four and twenty blackbirds

baked in a pie-

Oh, no, them’s not the words.

And shall Trelawny live

or shall Trelawny die

there’s four and twenty Cornishmen

baked in a pie-

no, no, no, that’s not right.

Not enough Cornishmen!

And shall Trelawny live

or shall Trelawny die

there’s forty thousand Cornishmen

baked in a-

No, that pie is gonna be ‘huuuge!’

Better stick to twenty-four.

Even that’s gonna be a bit tight in the oven.

Less Epic Poetry #3

Less Epic Poetry #3

There’s a little, yellow pebble

to the north of Carbis Bay,

in the shape of a banana;

It was strangely made that way.