Category Archives: Toe in the Water Radio Show

A Radio Sketch

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Ann 1: And now we have for your delectation : Glen Miller in the nude

Ann 2: in the ‘Mood!’ You donk!

Grams (a poor kazoo version of In The Mood starts up, initially it’s soft and subtle; but, then…)

SD 1 (just after it starts; before it goes bad) Ah, nice.

SD After a few moments Ann 2 states

Ann 2: That’s not Glenn Miller.

Ann 1: But, he is in the nude. Hey, mate; give it a rest, that’s fair doing my ears in… and it’s not doing much for my eyes, either. Get some togs on, will ya?

Ann 2: Did you book him?

Ann 1: If I was a cop I’d book him for something. I thought he was a sure winner; Glen Miller is very popular.

Ann 2: He died in 1945.

Ann 1: I thought he was younger. Just goes to show.

Ann 2: Show ‘what’ Exactly?

Ann 1: That you can’t judge a book by its cover.

Ann 2: Fair enough. Glenn?

Glen: It’s ‘Glen’ not ‘Glenn’.

Ann 2: Whatever. How old are you?

Glen: Forty-three, give or take.

Ann 2: Okay. I’ll ‘give’ you some advice; then you can ‘take’ it away with you. Sound fair?

Glen: Sounds fair to me.

Ann 2: Don’t give up the day job – and please don’t tell me that ‘this’ is it.

Glen: Certainly not, Madam. I am a qualified chartered accountant.

Ann 2: Figures.

Glen: Precisely.

Ann 2: Oh, well; good luck with that. And back to the show. Craig?

Ann 1: Thank you: and now ‘You can leave your hat on…’

Ann 2: Good grief.

Ann 1: By Tim Jones.

End.

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The Ying Tong Theory

Narr: “And now we present for your informative needs… (big and echoing) The Ying Tong Theory!

SFX music / noises from the Silurian Swamps

Narr: It is a commonly held belief (by those that believe in it) that the World, as we know it, was created by a ‘Big’ ‘Bang!’ That is an ‘interesting’ theory (for those who are interested in that sort of thing) but, maybe there is another possibility…

SFX Intriguing music.

Narr: Today, we may find out the amazing truth.

SFX Dramatic Chords over Narr.
Narr: Or we may not.

Narr: Firstly, we must return to where and when it all began – the year… dot!

SFX Dripping.

Narr: Obviously, we cannot actually be there at the year dot! As mankind had not yet been invented. This is just our idea of the possible scenario as it may have ‘possibly’ been. Possibly.

SFX Continue

Eccles: That tap’s dripping again.

Bluebottle: Again! I didn’t hear you say that the first time.

Eccles: That’s because I didn’t say it the first time.

Blue: Oh.

Eccles: No. I only thought it the ‘first’ time. I said it… the ‘second’ time.

Blue: That it is what it is what it was and what it shall be.

Eccles: A-men!

Blue: Where?

Eccles: Not yet; but, if you stick around a few billion years…

Blue: Y-es?

Eccles: You’ll be very old.

Blue: I will?

Eccles: Yes. Or very dead.

Blue; I don’t want to be very deaded!

Eccles: Nobody does. But (and here I get all serious, folks) everybody has gotta die sometime. (possible music chords to ‘Everybody’s Gotta Learn Sometime’ by The Korgis)

SFX those three music chords

Eccles: What was that?

Blue (Pause): What? Eccles, can I be deaded at three clocks in the morning. I’ll be asleep then, and won’t know a thing about it.

Eccles: Yes, my little chum; I’ll write that down.

Blue: What on?

Eccles: Ah. We’ve got no paper to write upon.

Blue: And I can’t use my super Boy Scouts propelling pencil, either.

Eccles: No?

Blue: No. (Sadly and escalating) Because, it hasn’t been inventorated yet.

Eccles: Shame on those inventorator-types.

Blue: ‘They’ haven’t been inventorated yet, either.

Eccles: Bother!

Blue: Has anyone inventorated Max Geldray and Ray Ellington yet.

Eccles: No. Those two fine gentleman are yet to be inventorated.

Blue: So, no music.

Eccles: Just the dripping of the tap.

Blue: Can we inventorate a song to the rhythm of the drips, Eccles?

Eccles: Well, if we can’t… there’s nobody else who can do it.
SFX Dripping and added E & B

Blue: Yippee!

Eccles: If only we could inventorate a round of applause.

Blue: What! Like this one?

SFX: huge applause.

Eccles: No! (Applause stops abruptly) Like this one. (sparse and sporadic clapping).

Blue: I thought mine was better.

Eccles: We shall work up to yours, little Scouting fellow; firstly we shall hone our craft.

Blue: Yes. Then we can sail away upon it.

Eccles: Precisely.

Both: Huzzah!

The ‘Toe-in-the-Water’ Radio Show Episode 8

The ‘Toe-in-the-Water’ Radio Show Episode 8: https://youtu.be/07b2ed1LsqY