91
The PC chases doctors off stage. DCI looks bemused.
DCI: I look confused. Ergo: I am confused. I do follow. Leaves.
Tbc
92
Lady Whom, DC Acey and Laura/Laurence Protocol are left along with the stiff.
DC Acey: I don’t know about you lot.
Tbc
93
Lady W: Really!
DC Acey: I hadn’t finished – I was going to add ‘but, I’m confused!’
Laura: Well, you’re not alone!
Tbc
94
Lady W: Is he dead yet?
Laur: I’ll kick him.
DC Acey: Ouch!
Laur: He’s alive.
Lady W: I meant ‘him!’ (points)
Tbc
95
Laur kicks the stiff.
Stiff: Ouch!
Laur: He is ‘also’ alive.
Lady W launches a knife into the stiff.
Stiff: Really!
Tbc
96
Lady W: I had to do that; he’s been asking for it.
Laur: I didn’t hear him.
DC Acey: ‘And’ he ‘was’ already ‘dead!’
Tbc
97
Lady W: I just need to remove a couple of witnesses.
DC Acey: I pity them. More throwing daggers?
Lady W: Oh, yes!
Tbc
98
Laur: I think she means ‘us!’
DC Acey: Really?
Laur: I wish we’d all stop saying ‘really!’
Lady W: Your wish is…!
Tbc
99
Lady W throws 2 knives and DC Acey gets the point, Laura gets a 6-inch blade neatly between the eyes!
Lady W: Bye!
Tbc
100
Lady W: Being in the circus was excellent training for life… or for death… situations; I’m so glad I ran away!
Tbc
101
The Policemen Return.
DCI: Hello three times; what’s been going on here, then?
Lady W: Are you talking to me?
Tbc
102
DCI: Seems like you are the ‘last man standing!’
Lady W: Really!
DCI: it’s just a phrase!
PC: He’s going through!
Tbc
103
Lady W: I saw it all!
PC: You look like you’ve been around a bit!
Lady W: A masked man ran into the room and slew!
Tbc
104
DCI: Slew?
Lady W: Yes ‘slew!’ And having slewed, he ran off into the night!
PC: It’s 3:30!
Lady W: The afternoon!
Tbc
105
DCI: Constable, we are going to need some more ‘chalk’ outlines. If you can just mosey off, good lad. Don’t rush.
Tbc
Posted in crime, detectives, dialogue, dialogueforaplay, fun, murder, Play, silly, sleuth
Tagged #dialogueforaplay, #graemesandford, #hangerfarmpoets, #janegoldsack, #play, #sleuth, @Jane_Goldsack, crime, detective, Dialogue, murder
76
DCI: It’s my opinion that the ‘perpetrator’ was known to the ‘victim’.
PC: They were married, sir.
DCI: Precisely!
Tbc
77
DCI: Constable, I want you to round up the witnesses and have them all gathered in the… here… In ten minutes.
Tbc
78
DCI: I shall now round up the ‘stiff’ and the ‘murderer’ and then we shall have one of those ‘Poirot-like’ reveals.
Tbc
79
The police leave in opposite directions. Then recross the room, leave again. The ‘stiff’ returns, resumes place.
Tbc
80
Nothing happens for a few minutes. Apart from the ‘stiff’ trying to get comfy. The phone rings. Nobody answers it.
Tbc
81
Phone stops. Dr P enters, answers the unringing phone.
Dr P: Hello… Yes… 14 ounces in a pound, no. 16! Bye!
Tbc
82
Dr P: Are you still dead?
Stiff: Me?
De P: Nobody else here.
Stiff: Dead as a Do.
Dr P: Dodo?
Stiff: Not that dead!
Tbc
83
Dr P: So, there is no victim.
Stiff: I’m teaching them a lesson.
Dr P: ‘Them’ are my family!
Dr P shoots the stiff.
Tbc
84
Dr P leaves. The Police et al return (not Dr P).
DCI: Hello, hello, hello…
Omnes: Hello!
DCI: I heard a gunshot!
Tbc
85
PC: I can see those months at Detective School weren’t wasted.
Dr 1: The dead man!
Omnes: What?
Dr1: He’s… dead!
Tbc
86
Dramatic Chords
Dr 1: No, he’s really dead. Before, he was only pretentious!
Stiff: Pretending!
Dr 1: Pretending.
Tbc
87
DCI: So, he’s ‘really’ dead?
Dr 1: Really! I should know – I am a doctor!
Dr P enters.
Dr P: No, that is not true!
Tbc
88
DCI: Not a doctor?
PC: Not ‘dead?’
Dr 1: Yes, I am not a ‘dead’ doctor.
Dr P: Nor a ‘doctor!’
Dr1: What about Nora?
Tbc
89
DCI: It seems a murder ‘may’ or ‘may not’ have occurred, I shall go to any lengths.
Dr1: Are you paid by the yard?
Tbc
90
Dr P: What about my ‘impersonating a doctor’ accusation?
DCI: I take that most seriously. Constable, arrest him!
Tbc
Posted in crime, detective, dialogue, dialogueforaplay, murder, mystery, Play, silly, sleuth, theater, theatre
Tagged #dialogueforaplay, #foolishness, #hangerfarmpoets, #play. '#theatre, #spoof, #theater, crime, detective, Dialogue, murder, mystery, Silliness
