91
The PC chases doctors off stage. DCI looks bemused.
DCI: I look confused. Ergo: I am confused. I do follow. Leaves.
Tbc
92
Lady Whom, DC Acey and Laura/Laurence Protocol are left along with the stiff.
DC Acey: I don’t know about you lot.
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93
Lady W: Really!
DC Acey: I hadn’t finished – I was going to add ‘but, I’m confused!’
Laura: Well, you’re not alone!
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94
Lady W: Is he dead yet?
Laur: I’ll kick him.
DC Acey: Ouch!
Laur: He’s alive.
Lady W: I meant ‘him!’ (points)
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95
Laur kicks the stiff.
Stiff: Ouch!
Laur: He is ‘also’ alive.
Lady W launches a knife into the stiff.
Stiff: Really!
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96
Lady W: I had to do that; he’s been asking for it.
Laur: I didn’t hear him.
DC Acey: ‘And’ he ‘was’ already ‘dead!’
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97
Lady W: I just need to remove a couple of witnesses.
DC Acey: I pity them. More throwing daggers?
Lady W: Oh, yes!
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98
Laur: I think she means ‘us!’
DC Acey: Really?
Laur: I wish we’d all stop saying ‘really!’
Lady W: Your wish is…!
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99
Lady W throws 2 knives and DC Acey gets the point, Laura gets a 6-inch blade neatly between the eyes!
Lady W: Bye!
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100
Lady W: Being in the circus was excellent training for life… or for death… situations; I’m so glad I ran away!
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101
The Policemen Return.
DCI: Hello three times; what’s been going on here, then?
Lady W: Are you talking to me?
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102
DCI: Seems like you are the ‘last man standing!’
Lady W: Really!
DCI: it’s just a phrase!
PC: He’s going through!
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103
Lady W: I saw it all!
PC: You look like you’ve been around a bit!
Lady W: A masked man ran into the room and slew!
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104
DCI: Slew?
Lady W: Yes ‘slew!’ And having slewed, he ran off into the night!
PC: It’s 3:30!
Lady W: The afternoon!
Tbc
105
DCI: Constable, we are going to need some more ‘chalk’ outlines. If you can just mosey off, good lad. Don’t rush.
Tbc
Posted in crime, detectives, dialogue, dialogueforaplay, fun, murder, Play, silly, sleuth
Tagged #dialogueforaplay, #graemesandford, #hangerfarmpoets, #janegoldsack, #play, #sleuth, @Jane_Goldsack, crime, detective, Dialogue, murder
76
DCI: It’s my opinion that the ‘perpetrator’ was known to the ‘victim’.
PC: They were married, sir.
DCI: Precisely!
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77
DCI: Constable, I want you to round up the witnesses and have them all gathered in the… here… In ten minutes.
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78
DCI: I shall now round up the ‘stiff’ and the ‘murderer’ and then we shall have one of those ‘Poirot-like’ reveals.
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79
The police leave in opposite directions. Then recross the room, leave again. The ‘stiff’ returns, resumes place.
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80
Nothing happens for a few minutes. Apart from the ‘stiff’ trying to get comfy. The phone rings. Nobody answers it.
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81
Phone stops. Dr P enters, answers the unringing phone.
Dr P: Hello… Yes… 14 ounces in a pound, no. 16! Bye!
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82
Dr P: Are you still dead?
Stiff: Me?
De P: Nobody else here.
Stiff: Dead as a Do.
Dr P: Dodo?
Stiff: Not that dead!
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83
Dr P: So, there is no victim.
Stiff: I’m teaching them a lesson.
Dr P: ‘Them’ are my family!
Dr P shoots the stiff.
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84
Dr P leaves. The Police et al return (not Dr P).
DCI: Hello, hello, hello…
Omnes: Hello!
DCI: I heard a gunshot!
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85
PC: I can see those months at Detective School weren’t wasted.
Dr 1: The dead man!
Omnes: What?
Dr1: He’s… dead!
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86
Dramatic Chords
Dr 1: No, he’s really dead. Before, he was only pretentious!
Stiff: Pretending!
Dr 1: Pretending.
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87
DCI: So, he’s ‘really’ dead?
Dr 1: Really! I should know – I am a doctor!
Dr P enters.
Dr P: No, that is not true!
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88
DCI: Not a doctor?
PC: Not ‘dead?’
Dr 1: Yes, I am not a ‘dead’ doctor.
Dr P: Nor a ‘doctor!’
Dr1: What about Nora?
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89
DCI: It seems a murder ‘may’ or ‘may not’ have occurred, I shall go to any lengths.
Dr1: Are you paid by the yard?
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90
Dr P: What about my ‘impersonating a doctor’ accusation?
DCI: I take that most seriously. Constable, arrest him!
Tbc
Posted in crime, detective, dialogue, dialogueforaplay, murder, mystery, Play, silly, sleuth, theater, theatre
Tagged #dialogueforaplay, #foolishness, #hangerfarmpoets, #play. '#theatre, #spoof, #theater, crime, detective, Dialogue, murder, mystery, Silliness
Graeme Sandford 