Category Archives: #SeptemberLimericks

Lilting Limericks for September 23rd, 2014

liltingLimerickS

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The ‘Word of the Day’ it is… ‘Fidictious

A word I made up just like ‘Prediciamous’

It’s top of my list

Though it does not exist

As a present that I would like for Chrisiamious!

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Limerick Inspired by So’ton (Southampton) Wrimos

There once were some writers from So’ton

Who were writing of lands long forgotten

Space ships in flight

Murder with spite

Or the best way to hurry the plot on.

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A Limerick was once dedicated
To a man who limericks hated
But, even he had to laugh
About the telescopic giraffe
Who says that poetry is over-rated?

And now, I suppose, I will have to create a Limerick about a telescopic giraffe!  Wish me luck as you wave me… etc.

There once was a lonely giraffe
Who was sad, just refusing to laugh
But, his sight once myopic
Became telescopic
And he could see for a mile and a half.

Maybe… could be better.

There was a giraffe who was lonely
He looked for his one true and only
But, a keeper, Philanthropic,
Made ‘her’ neck telescopic;
And they lived together, quite homely.

Not the best end rhyme for line 5…

A giraffe with a telescopic neck
Said “The ups and downs make me a wreck!”
The keepers deducted
A neck-brace, which they constructed,
Would keep all that bobbing in check.

Not 100% happy yet, sorry!

A giraffe at the zoo had a plight
Something in his neck wasn’t right
It was the main topic-
A neck, telescopic!
It certainly gave the small children a fright!

-/-

A Limerick walked into a Septembar!

=/=

Graeme’s Ukulele song No.1 Limerick

Over the hills and far away

My busking love and I did play

We strummed from Spring until the end of Fall

Still came away with… bugger all!

(Oh,  my gosh, the language, I hear you say!!)

-/-

A Gentleman who hailed from Prestatyn

Caught a taxi – to put his new hat in

He followed behind

(He only had half a mind)

With a pet-carrier that he had his cat in!

-/-

One day, on the banks of the Seine

A French man become quite insane

He balanced some frogs

Upon two passing dogs

Then fell into the river – quite mad!

-/-

L.O. Quent’s Limericks for September 22nd, 2014

QuenT(1)apostrophe sLimerickS

The word of the day is ‘ARGUMENTATIVE’

The position you take that won’t give

No it isnt!

Yes it is!

Oh, what rot!

I’m telling you it is!

And I know it’s not!

Well, we’ll just have to live and let live.

-/-

A Limerick in some need of respite

Changed his font from black to white

He did it, you see

To hide from you and me

Until he felt that things were alright!

-/-

A Limerick went

(With the best of intentions)

To Poetry School.

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The ‘Alternative Word of the Day’ it is… INFLATABLE

How far to pump it is debatable

If you don’t get it right

There’s a chance it just might

Explode in your face…  a fact here stateable!

(which I wasn’t at all happy with… so…)

The ‘Revised Alternative Word of the Day’ it is… INFLATABLE

How much to blow up its importance: debatable;

Too much, and it’s trouble,

Pressure bursts your bubble

Not enough, and it’s barely aeratable.

Which I am a little bit happier with – G:)

-/-

Limey Rick walked into a bar…

(That sounds a little bit more feasible!)

NB See @HolisticMoon for details

-/-

When all is said and is done

Those that lay under the sun

Will often get burnt

‘Cause they haven’t learnt

The need for ‘Sun-Factor 51 (available from all disreputable chemists at a mere $15 a squirt!)

*this Limerick was brought to you courtesy of S-F51!

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A man was interviewed on TV

For selling hot donuts for free

He said they were a gift

To give people a lift

But, he never divulged his recipe.

-/-

When a Limerick is written in haste

There’s a jarring effect to your taste

When the rhyming is lax

And the rhyme scheme, it sucks,

The Ducks!!!

(Especially when there are some random extra lines)

(also the spell-cheque could have been used-

to good effect)

Also, those asides (in parenthesis) are off-putting

(and long words! What is ‘Parenthesis?’ for Lummy’s Sake!)

And of paper and ink it’s a waist.

-/-

A woman from a town in the North

Was bitten by a dog…

More on that later.

-/-

The Limerick is a wizened old beast

Of poetic forms, it is the least

But, it’s short and cute

And doesn’t give a hoot

And proves that poetry is not yet deceased!

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Lost Limericks for 20th September, 2014

Screenshot_2014-09-20-07-22-21-1Limerick

A man took a trip on a bus
Said “I don’t know why there’s fuss.
It’s cheap and convenient
The rules are quite lenient.”
And ‘this’ to his gorilla, named Gus.

A man took a trip on a train;
With Gus as his companion, again;
In First Class they went
But, because of the scent,
Gus had the nerve to complain.

A man took a ride in his car
With his gorilla, who’d brought his guitar;
The pair stopped, then went busking;
And Gus did the asking
And soon they’d enough for a spa.

Gus the gorilla went solo
And the man went off to play polo
Gus was the star
The man sold his car
And nobody now gave him their last Rolo.

Which is sad.

-/-

There was an old man from Stirling

Who was the best in the world at Curling

But he broke his broom

In a contest in Croom (which BTW is in the county of Limerick)

When by mistake he used it for hurling.

-/-

There is actually nobody from Swadlincote

Who has done anything worthy to note…

Which is a shame.

-/-

Oh, hold on… wait a min,

Latest news coming in;

A man from Swadlincote –

We think – has just fallen in a moat;

Whilst dresses up as Errol Flynn?

(We’ll keep you posted)

-/-

The ‘Word of the Day’ it is… ‘Crazy’

It’s mad, mad mad mad!!!! It’s ‘not’ lazy;

It’s chocolate fruit loops,

And wacky-doody in scoops,

And leaves all that sanity quite hazy!

-/-

There was a young man, Alan Turing

Who helped the free people enduring

But, it’s hard to compute

How they‘d persecute

Him after the war – but, not during!

-/-

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Loquacious Limericks for 17th September, 2014

Loquacious LimerickS

The ‘Word of the Day’ it is… ‘Bathing!’
‘Too long in the bath!’ they cry – somewhat scathing.
But if your bath is too short
They think you’ve washed naught
Just a flick behind ears – your flannel not drowning, just waving!

-/-

There is a man in Birmingham
His name is Stan and he loves jam
Honey, crisps,
Money, lisps;
But his treasure is an old can of Spam!

-/-

The ‘Fruit of the Day’ is an ‘Orange!’
With which nothing is rhyming at all
So perhaps I’ll use ‘Apple’
For my fruit rhyme to grapple
And hope you don’t notice my gall

-/-

Once, many long years ago,

On a Tuesday, it started to snow;

The dinosaurs failed

Last breaths they exhaled

But, some say that that wasn’t so.

-/-

There was a young man from Milan

Who wrote a terse note to a man

He said, “Signore, tu menti!

Hai un IQ di venti!”

I guess he’s not my numero uno fan!

-/-

Where there is a Limerick

There is also a sigh or a groan

It’s best to leave a Limerick alone

But, if you ‘do’ read

Of that lady from Berwick-upon-Tweed

It will be hard to stifle a moan.

-/-

The last Limerick laughs longest – Discuss

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A scientist once had a lab;

He took it for walks –

It was a Labrador.

-/-

I wondered lonely about a Limerick,

As a poet must often do;

I wrote the first,

And then one more –

My count was up to two.

A third appeared

and then a forth

My muse was overflowing;

But I’d written all the darn things wrong

So I won’t be them here showing!

-/-

To err is said to be human

As oft did people say

I don’t know about all these old words

I talk like it’s today – innit!

-/-

A haiku written in haste

Is often done in bad taste

Too many a word

Has often occurred

With more syllables than should be there placed.

-/-

#SeptemberLimericks. #Limericks, #hangerfarmpoets, #infograe, @infograe, @PoemMeGroup

Languorous Limericks for 15th September, 2014

languorousLimerick S

The word of the day – it is ‘doff’

Which I dont think is used quite enoff

You just tip your cap

and, barring mishap,

You can carry on from where you left off.

-/-

There was a young man from Tralee

Who got older each day – do you see?

And tomorrow he’ll be

One hundred and three

No longer the young man there now is he.

-/-

There was a young man from Algiers

Who was over-equipped in his ears

It made him quite wide

So he did decide

To sell pictures of them as souvenirs!

-/-

A pilot whilst steering his crate

Was distracted by an online debate

He texted ‘I’m sure

Your profit’s secure!’

And the co-pilot decided their fate!

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On the third day of the seventh month of the fourth year

We finally had nothing to fear

All dinosaurs gone

The sun it now shone

And we just waited for Man(un)kind to appear.

-/-

A Limerick walked into a bar

He needed a drink – he’d come far

He ordered some ale

it arrived in a pail

Which is, all-in-all, pe-cu-li-ar!

-/-

A Limerick

Is quick

When said

In your head

May stick.

-/-

“Whom shall it be?” cried the priest.

As he looked to the west and the east

“Who!” someone corrected

‘They’ were quickly selected

And provided the sacrifice before the feast!

-/-

There was a young waitress from Spain

Who arrived on a plane in the rain

A proverb had she

That she quoted for free

But it’s forgotten by now, in the main.

-/-

There once was a man with an orange

Who didn’t have a Limerick written about him!

-/-

St Peter has a gate

At which he does wait

With a list of names

Of dudes and dames

And he ticks them off – he’s up to 8!

-/-

The trouble with writing a Limerick

Is that the writing takes ages to do

The lines they must Rhyme

And be of a certain length

Otherwise it won’t be the slightest bit funny

At all.

-/-

A man tapped the letters before…

Until he could tap the letters no more…

TBC

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#SeptemberLimericks

#Limericks

September is the Limerickest Month! (14th’s offerings)

LimerickEst-logo

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The word of the day is… alone

Even in a crowd it’s on its own;

It feels set apart,

Has an ache in its heart,

And resides in an exclusion zone.

-/-

There may have been an illusionist from Penge

Who created an illusion quite strange

with mirrors and smoke

Until he started to choke

And toppled like a stone from Stonehenge.

-/-

A book of Limericks may seem inviting

Different, risqué, quite exciting

But after a few

You’ll find something to do

That is more wholesome, and far less like fleas biting!

-/-

The ‘Alternative Word of the Day’ is… LOVE;

LOVE is all around, There is LOVE below and LOVE is above;

LOVE is… here,

LOVE is… there,

LOVE is… every everywhere;

And when push comes to shove:

All you need is… LOVE…

An Oxygen/Nitrogen enriched atmosphere…

water…

food…

aqueducts?

-/-

I’m one clown shy of a circus;

One sandwich short of a picnic

One circus-shy clown

one picnic-short sandwich

I’m one… and that’s a fact!

-/-

Hanger Farm Poets

Are a fine bunch of ‘all-know-its’

But I caused a bit of a to-do

When I mentioned ‘Clerihew!’

(Which has no fifth line – so it confuses some poets!)

-/-

On the train from Cardiff to Crewe

There was a bit of a do

Someone had cake

and a strawberry milkshake

One Happy Meal fed a hundred and two!

-/-

Yesterday’s word was ‘rambunctious’

And tomorrow’s is ‘proselytize’

And the way things are going,

There’s no way of knowing,

If learning them will make me wise.

But, I’ll try and remember their meanings,

Though some of them just won’t be learnt,

I’ll say them by rote,

Put some in a quote

And the difficult ones… will get burnt!

-/-

Another Different Format Limerick (basically, it resembles a Limerick slightly, but isn’t one)

I can tune my guitar in a minute

I know that there’s not a lot in it

some of the strings, are not that far out,

I’ll just be…ever so, very, a little bit, slightly… out of key… with the band…

(I hope) they’ll understand.

-/-

(and another…)

I am not worthy:

I suffer from poetry scurvy!

Too many times

I have forsaken the rhymes

That to me are like limes.

-/-

#SeptemberLimericks

#Limericks

Lame & Limp Limericks for 13th September, 2014

Lame 1and 1 editLimp 1LimerickS

Welcome to Limericks – Day 12

We’ve had to take some from the shelve

We know that was wrong

It’s where they belong

And it’s from the shelf, not the shelve, we did delve!

-/-

As you can see we are no good at dates

It’s the thirteenth! We asked all our mates

Some did concur – “Yes, the 12th”

Others did blur “It’s probably, almost, quite likely the 12th)

But it ‘is‘ the 13th – as our calendar states!

-/-

The word of the day is… ‘bizarre!’

The wackiest, weirdest word by ‘so far’

It’s frenzied and whirly

frothy and curly

and drips pure bling and eats caviar.

-/-

It’s hard to ignore a Nora

If you do they may give you what for a

And, you never know,

If you pass £200, and don’t collect – Go!

You and she may end up the poorer.

-/-

On the banks of the O-hi-o

There’s a man from a travelling show

He’s paid the cost

Now he looks like he’s lost

All messed up, with nowhere to go.

-/-

There once was a McVicar named Dirk

Who wished that his name was Trevor

For Limericks called him a Burk

When in fact he was really rather clever…

And handsome… and he wrote poetry… at work… in the kirk… he did.

-/-

A Birmingham waiter named Stan

Was a very efficient man

“A table for two?

Will here do?”

Then he billed you before you began.

-/-

There was an old man called Dennis

Who visited the city of Venice.

He said: “Are you joking?

Your streets are quite soaking!”

Then shouted: “Your plumbing’s a menace!”

-.-

This Limerick has only one flaw

So, it’s no use looking for more

It’s slightly too short

of lines there are only four!

-/-

There was a young man name of Brian

Who went for a pizza: Hawaiian.

He had a stuffed crust –

When you’re hungry you must –

But his had a whole shepherd’s pie in.

-/-

A Limerick walked into a bar

“Ouch!” he cried – it was an iron bar!

-/-

In the year 2525

If man is still alive

Oops! Sorry! That’s a song!

-/-

#SeptemberLimericks

@infograe

#hangerfarmpoets