Category Archives: #SeptemberLimerick

Lush Limericks for 21st September, 2014

LushLimerickS

There was a young man, rather silly

Who would bathe in warm Piccalilli

He said “It is great

For changing the state –

From warm to decidedly chilly!

-/-

A Limerick is

What it was and what it is

No argument there

But, what if we did change it,

Made it unfunny like this.

-/-

The Word of the Day is Upsetting

It’s spilling the coffee you’re getting

Or telling a God’s Honest fact

When you should have used tact

And those words that you’ve said, you’re regretting.

-/-

There once was a podiatrist named Hector

Who treated a Police Chief Inspector,

The policeman’s flat feet

Were from his years on the beat

So Hector the podiatrist fitted the Police Chief Inspector with a low-arch corrector and that seemed to do the trick.

-/-

There was a young Scotsman named Jock

Who had a huge enormous… caber

It was covered in muck

So Jock, he said: “Oh, dear!

To clean it will cause me some labour.

-/-

The ‘Alternative Word of the Day’ it is… “OSTENTATIOUS”

It’s big and it’s brash, and in your face, yes

It’s too big to be practical

Larger than life – to be factual

And if it says that it’s humble – it’s being audacious!

-/-

Thursday Late-Night Opening Limerick

There was a young shopper named Alice

Who went to Harrods to look for a chalice

The stock there was light

And none of them ‘quite’ right

So she stole one from Buckingham Palace!

NB – No, Alice didn’t really do that; she is much too nice and wouldn’t steal anything at all; it was just a made-up story.

-/-

Character Limerick (with a little help from…)

The illustrious Fifi Go-Cart Smith;

A writer, a legend, a myth

To her animals a god;

And with her flexible bod

Is seeking employment, forthwith.

-/-

Limerick-Writing (extracted from my book – available at some point in the future)

I am on my break, but came up with the lines:

“There was a young man from Dungannon

Who was fiddling about with a cannon…”

I shall mull on this as I wash-up last night’s tea things, clear the decks, and prepare my repast. I’ll be Arnie.

Update (though I am still in the midst or ‘mist’ of washing up): I am considering the choice of a ‘room / boom’ or a ‘face / space’ as the end rhymes for lines 3 and 4 of my Limerick. Bearing in mind, as I am, that the shorter lines need to really move the complicatedness of the plot along quickly. I am happy (at the moment) with the first two lines – but that may change.

Back! And a Radio 4 Extra play has given the word ‘priapism’ to my vocabulary – I hope that I do not need to use it again anytime soon.

Also in the play was a ‘canon’ and if the first two lines above had a ‘canon’ rather than a ‘cannon’, well, that may have slewed the Limerick considerably. I shall stick with what I have so far.

Information for you (gratis): Dungannon is 220 miles away from Limerick via the AA route planner (www.theaa.com)

I think the crux of this Limerick is to find that final rhyme for the fifth line that will turn it from a series of words into a valuable poetic edifice. The Dungannon / Cannon effect requires nothing from the young man’s place of origin, but everything from the (created literary) fact that he is fiddling about with a cannon. Cannons being quite limited in what they can do (essentially they go ‘BANG!’) the scenario is that the cannon will go off and the consequence will give us the rhyme. Perhaps we should look for a rhyme that would fit into that situation. When searching for rhymes that are not ‘actually’ leaping at you waving for attention, I use different ways of getting there. Alphabet Cruising: where you take the end of the rhyme ‘an-non’ and put all the letters of the alphabet (separately) onto the front. We have such possibilities as ‘ban on’, ‘can-on’, ‘fan-on’, ‘man-on’, and so-on! Nobody said this would be easy.

If I thought about the fact that the young man was from Dungannon and the place name may have similar sounding place names nearby, I could make this into a very parochial Limerick – keeping it all within the bounds of a ‘united’ Ireland. Here I will take a short leave of absence in order to check a search engine for maps of Northern Ireland.

Once there I immediately find that a place of the name of Duncannon exists in Eire; I then have options. Do I resite my first line, losing the fact that ‘cannon’ and ‘cannon’ rhyme ‘too’ perfectly; or do I have the young lad travelling across the Emerald Isle a mere 90 miles from Duncannon to Limerick?

NB Surprisingly, Dungannon to Duncannon and Dungannon to Limerick are both distances of 210 miles. I think that we may have the makings of an Irish isosceles triangle…

or the design for a new stirrup for the Irish Derby winner.

Back to the plot. Our hero, a nameless young fool from somewhere in the poetic land of Erin, is messing about with an explosive machine of dubious origins. His tampering with the said device is very much destined to end in tears. He is probably in his room and the device will, at some stage soon, go ‘boom!’ Where he will end up is still up for grabs. Let’s just put our 4 cards so far on the table:

There was a young man from Dungannon

Who was fiddling about with a cannon

He was alone in his room (as stated)

When the damn thing (excuse language) went ‘BOOM!’

And we end the Limerick with…?

Okay, in order not to rush this I shall take a break and the answer shall enter my subconscious whilst the kettle is singing merrily to itself. Back for the denouement soon.

And we saw it fly past with a man on!

Well, it is only the process of creating a Limerick. Nothing too ‘high brow’ here; ‘move away from the building!’

-/-

Limey Rick woz ‘ere

Limey Rick

The verb of today is ‘to frape’

Left his tablet logged in, so as jape

I thought I would show it

Words from this great poet

And hope I don’t need to escape

#thephantomlyricist

Loquacious Limericks for 17th September, 2014

Loquacious LimerickS

The ‘Word of the Day’ it is… ‘Bathing!’
‘Too long in the bath!’ they cry – somewhat scathing.
But if your bath is too short
They think you’ve washed naught
Just a flick behind ears – your flannel not drowning, just waving!

-/-

There is a man in Birmingham
His name is Stan and he loves jam
Honey, crisps,
Money, lisps;
But his treasure is an old can of Spam!

-/-

The ‘Fruit of the Day’ is an ‘Orange!’
With which nothing is rhyming at all
So perhaps I’ll use ‘Apple’
For my fruit rhyme to grapple
And hope you don’t notice my gall

-/-

Once, many long years ago,

On a Tuesday, it started to snow;

The dinosaurs failed

Last breaths they exhaled

But, some say that that wasn’t so.

-/-

There was a young man from Milan

Who wrote a terse note to a man

He said, “Signore, tu menti!

Hai un IQ di venti!”

I guess he’s not my numero uno fan!

-/-

Where there is a Limerick

There is also a sigh or a groan

It’s best to leave a Limerick alone

But, if you ‘do’ read

Of that lady from Berwick-upon-Tweed

It will be hard to stifle a moan.

-/-

The last Limerick laughs longest – Discuss

-/-

A scientist once had a lab;

He took it for walks –

It was a Labrador.

-/-

I wondered lonely about a Limerick,

As a poet must often do;

I wrote the first,

And then one more –

My count was up to two.

A third appeared

and then a forth

My muse was overflowing;

But I’d written all the darn things wrong

So I won’t be them here showing!

-/-

To err is said to be human

As oft did people say

I don’t know about all these old words

I talk like it’s today – innit!

-/-

A haiku written in haste

Is often done in bad taste

Too many a word

Has often occurred

With more syllables than should be there placed.

-/-

#SeptemberLimericks. #Limericks, #hangerfarmpoets, #infograe, @infograe, @PoemMeGroup

Limerick Lunacy for 12th September, 2014

Limerick Lunacy

-/-

There was a man from the Isle of Wight
Who thought one day “A poem, I’ll write!”
But, he used the same rhyme
Time after time… after time, after time… after time!
And so his poem – it just didn’t sound right!

-/-

The ‘Word of the Day’ is ‘Mosaic’
On which I shall be quite prosaic
Piece by piece, bit by bit
All together the picture shall fit
In a process that is largely formulaic.

The ‘Alternative Word of the Day’ is ‘Calorific’
As a value it is rather specific
Every morsel I eat
And every necessary treat
Add up to a total horrific.

-/-

At the risk of appearing somewhat rude

Here, I’d just like to say the word ‘Verisimilitude’

Of, course, not in context

For I would become vexed

As that would to my ignorance allude.

-/-

A Limerick walked into a bar

He was toting his busking guitar

He asked for a ‘C’

Was punched subsequently

He was well on the path to becoming a star.

-/-

A writer in need of a spark

Sat alone in the nude in the dark

His muse didn’t call

It did no good at all

And eventually he was banned from the park.

-/-

#SeptemberLimericks

Limericks for 10th September, 2014

Strange Limerick S

Shortened Limerick

oh-so-slick

kiss-me-quick

funny…

punny…

limerick…

-/-

Shortened Limerick (extended version)

There once was a girl, oh-so-slick

Whose motto is now ‘kiss-me-quick’

She thought it was funny

To be rather punny

And end up in this sad limerick

-/-

A Limerick is a worthy thing indeed
A Limerick is good to read in times of need
They are short
Give you support
Aid your recovery and wish you ‘God Speed!’

-/-

The Limerick was lost in his car
He’d travelled too fast and too far
He had no sat-nav
And he Needed the… toilet
And was amazed that anyone could personify a Limerick as being able to drive a vehicle on the Queen’s highway.

-/-

A Limerick is full of good cheer
You can use one to toast in the ‘new’ year
Hold it up high
“Here’s mud in your eye!”
Oops! Should have been ‘wine’ there, I fear.

-/-

Oh, great Limerick, mightiest of forms
Thou hast most often inveigled the norms
Brought forth laughter
From ‘ducks’ and hereafter
I revere you as a queen bee loves her swarms.

-:-
A Giraffe with a Carafe of fine wine

Said “I’m having a cold drink – it’s fine!

I once had a hot coffee

It was tasty and frothy

But the caffeine-fix kept me up until nine!

-/-

#SeptemberLimericks

 

 

This Guy’s Limericks for September 9th, 2014

September Limerick 

To write a Limerick from scratch

And getting the rhymes to match

Is no easy task

It is a big ask

But, this is the first of the batch!

-/-

When driving your car in a hurry

you should never be eating hot curry

If the curry’s too hot

You could spill the lot

In your lap – now there’s a worry!

-/-

The word of the day is ‘Munificence’

I cannot define its significance;

You can say it a lot,

But, I just don’t know what

it means, well, that’s just my ignorance.

I went and looked it up in a dictionary,

As I thought that it might have been fictionary;

But, no, it was true,

and it means: I give you,

the poor, who have nothing, my Pictionary.

Yesterday’s word was ‘rambunctious’

And tomorrow’s is ‘proselytize’

And the way things are going,

There’s no way of knowing,

If learning them will make me wise.

But, I’ll try and remember their meanings,

Though some of them just won’t be learnt,

I’ll say them by rote,

Put some in a quote

And the difficult ones… will be burnt.

So, another day older, and wiser.

Another term lodged in my brain

But there’s a lack of capacity

For my learning rapacity (look it up)

And I’ve forgotten my P.I.N. code, again.

-/-

An Indian Elephant Watches An Episode Of EastEnders For The First Time – A Limerick

An elegantly eloquent elephant

Expected an episode intelligent;

But though watching at first,

He perceived a great thirst,

And off for a drink to New Delhi went.

 

Limericks (more ‘various’ ones) for 7th September

more rhnsg8 Limerick

There once was a man from Milan

Who said he was ‘It-al-i-an!’

But he lied through his teeth

He was really from Leith

A Scotsman whose real name was Ew-an!

-/-

There once was a Limerick from me

That was shorter than most

And didn’t rhyme

Or have enough lines.

-/-

There once was a man from Limerick

Who didn’t write Limericks

His name was Patrick

He once scored a hat-trick

But he didn’t write any Limericks.

-/-

There once was a lady from Spain

Who was beautiful when out in the rain

She spent some of her time

In the midst of a rhyme

But, mainly she stood on the plain.

-/-

There once was a man from Totton

Just sayin’

-/-

There was never a lady from Crewe

Who wanted to get a tattoo

Of a spider of size

adorning her thighs

She just didn’t like them, do you?

-/-

On the first day of June every year

There’s a man with a bottle of beer

He takes one small swig

Then whips off his wig

Do you know him? Or could it be you?

-/-

A Limerick disguised as a Sonnet

Had some sort of bee in its bonnet

It was tired of jokes

About ladies and blokes

And wanted some praise heaped upon it.

The trouble with Limericks seems

To be when they have ambitious dreams

And think about how

They would make themselves ‘Wow!’

When they’re all about laughter, not themes.

So this Limerick, he thought for a while

Does a Sonnet make everyone smile

They are serious things

Of ‘Love’ ‘Loss’ and ‘Kings’

That would make fools like me run a mile

So… ‘There was a young Limerick from…

-/-

A Limerick walked into a bar…

It happened one day in Qatar

He was well under age

And he left in a rage

When they refused him Stella Artois.

 

Limericks (2 of them!) for 5th September, 2014

LimerickLimerickLimerickLimerickLimerick

 

The word of the day is… ‘Repetition’

The word of the day is… ‘Repetition’

The word of the day is…

The word of the day is…

The word of the day is… ‘Repetition!’

 

Bonus Limerick

earworm-300x246

The ‘Word of the Day’ is… ‘Refrain’

You can say it again… then again;

It comes back to you thus,

Like a shortened chorus

It’s an ‘Earworm’ that gets into your brain!

 

 

Limerick for 4th September, 2014

Don Quixote

The word of the day is…  Quixotic

How to pronounce it is driving me neurotic

Is it ‘Kee-hoe-tic, do you know?

Or does ‘Quick-sew-tick’ flow?

Just looking at is has made me hypnotic.