Category Archives: Script

The Ying Tong Theory

Narr: “And now we present for your informative needs… (big and echoing) The Ying Tong Theory!

SFX music / noises from the Silurian Swamps

Narr: It is a commonly held belief (by those that believe in it) that the World, as we know it, was created by a ‘Big’ ‘Bang!’ That is an ‘interesting’ theory (for those who are interested in that sort of thing) but, maybe there is another possibility…

SFX Intriguing music.

Narr: Today, we may find out the amazing truth.

SFX Dramatic Chords over Narr.
Narr: Or we may not.

Narr: Firstly, we must return to where and when it all began – the year… dot!

SFX Dripping.

Narr: Obviously, we cannot actually be there at the year dot! As mankind had not yet been invented. This is just our idea of the possible scenario as it may have ‘possibly’ been. Possibly.

SFX Continue

Eccles: That tap’s dripping again.

Bluebottle: Again! I didn’t hear you say that the first time.

Eccles: That’s because I didn’t say it the first time.

Blue: Oh.

Eccles: No. I only thought it the ‘first’ time. I said it… the ‘second’ time.

Blue: That it is what it is what it was and what it shall be.

Eccles: A-men!

Blue: Where?

Eccles: Not yet; but, if you stick around a few billion years…

Blue: Y-es?

Eccles: You’ll be very old.

Blue: I will?

Eccles: Yes. Or very dead.

Blue; I don’t want to be very deaded!

Eccles: Nobody does. But (and here I get all serious, folks) everybody has gotta die sometime. (possible music chords to ‘Everybody’s Gotta Learn Sometime’ by The Korgis)

SFX those three music chords

Eccles: What was that?

Blue (Pause): What? Eccles, can I be deaded at three clocks in the morning. I’ll be asleep then, and won’t know a thing about it.

Eccles: Yes, my little chum; I’ll write that down.

Blue: What on?

Eccles: Ah. We’ve got no paper to write upon.

Blue: And I can’t use my super Boy Scouts propelling pencil, either.

Eccles: No?

Blue: No. (Sadly and escalating) Because, it hasn’t been inventorated yet.

Eccles: Shame on those inventorator-types.

Blue: ‘They’ haven’t been inventorated yet, either.

Eccles: Bother!

Blue: Has anyone inventorated Max Geldray and Ray Ellington yet.

Eccles: No. Those two fine gentleman are yet to be inventorated.

Blue: So, no music.

Eccles: Just the dripping of the tap.

Blue: Can we inventorate a song to the rhythm of the drips, Eccles?

Eccles: Well, if we can’t… there’s nobody else who can do it.
SFX Dripping and added E & B

Blue: Yippee!

Eccles: If only we could inventorate a round of applause.

Blue: What! Like this one?

SFX: huge applause.

Eccles: No! (Applause stops abruptly) Like this one. (sparse and sporadic clapping).

Blue: I thought mine was better.

Eccles: We shall work up to yours, little Scouting fellow; firstly we shall hone our craft.

Blue: Yes. Then we can sail away upon it.

Eccles: Precisely.

Both: Huzzah!

Two Men in the Sahara – Episode: Hide and Seek

Daphne

Daphne

Two Men in the Sahara – Episode: Hide and Seek

Present are F.Lawrence (Flo) and Smiffee (Smiffee) who has just arrived

Smiff: Where have the boys got to, Flo?

Flo: They are off playing ‘Hide and Seek’.

Smiff: Who’s hiding?

Flo: They both are.

SD They both sigh

Flo: Sigh

Smiff: Sigh

Smiff: Well, it’s progress – remember when Quiffy played it on his own that time?

Flo: Yes, he was hiding for days.

Smiff: And we only found him by chance when he fell out of the palm tree as we were going past.

Flo: And luckily he wasn’t hurt.

Smiff: He landed on something soft.

Both: His head!

Both: Hahahaha!

Flo: I think they may be some time as Biffy decided to count up to a hundred before looking; then Quiffy said that wasn’t enough time it should be a thousand…

Smiff: And I suppose they compromised on a hundred-thousand?

Flo: Yup!

Smiff: Donuts!

Flo: Don’t mind if I do. Chocolate coated with sprinkles.

Smiff: You bet.

Flo: Lovely. Save some for the boys?

Smiff: No; they went stale last time.

Flo: The Boys or the donuts?

Smiff: Both!

Both! Hahahaha!

Both: Cheers!