Category Archives: Limerick

One Potato, Two Potato, Three Potato…

Mr PotatoHead

Potato Limerick #1

A ‘potato’ is a wonder”, said Edward the king

In fact it’s absolutely, positively mash-ing!

Boiled or chipped (in case you lose it)’

Sauteéd (once flipped – being careful not to bruise it);

Au Gratin, dans le matin, just the thing.”

 

Potato Limerick #2

The potatoes are coming!” the little boy cried.

We all ran for cover; but, the little boy lied.

When we surfaced from hiding

With our fears all subsiding;

He laughed at our faces and much wounded pride.

 

Potato (ish) Limerick (ish) #3 (in two parts)

You say potato, and I say chips

As in ‘Potato’ and, as in ‘Chips’

Potato!”

Chips!”

You know it might just catch on – barring mishaps.

 

You say tomato, and I say soup

As in ‘Tomato’ and, as in ‘soup’

Tomato!”

Soup!”

You know it might just catch on – perhaps.

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It’s a Down-to-Earth Limerick about Gravity!

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The levity of a poem about Gravity
Can only be increased by its brevity
So before it gets dull
Like a weekend in Hull
I’ll end it before it reaches such depravity.

A Fishmonger’s Tail!

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The Whiting is upon the wall
Which doesn’t sound that fishy at all
The Carp is a coy one
The Ray has a toy gun
And Cod is in the Narwhal

Turn up the Bass
(It’s all about that Bass)
Especially if you are hard of…
Dare I say it…?
I must…
…if you are…
… hard of Herring!
There.
It is done.
No misHake about it
You didn’t think for a Minnow
That I wouldn’t…
Did you?
Three Mermaids all in a Roe,
Not scattered all about the Plaice!

Scottish ‘Oringe’ Limerick’

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There was a young Scotsman whose ‘Oringe’

Was a hit at the Edin-berg Foringe

For his accent was broad

Made the audience applaud

But, made poets the world over coringe.

The Word of the Day is… Cloud!

Eling, 14-07-2015 photo by me.

Eling, 14-07-2015 photo by me.

The Word of the Day
The Word of the Day it is… Cloud
It is coating the Sun with a shroud
It is humid and hot
Under the duvet we’ve got
So much for fluffy and pretty
Or wandering lonely
Such things, here, are just not allowed.

©GRSandford2015

2 years ago (in Scotingland)

Scottish type Limericks from me (from 2013)

Scottish type Limericks from me (from 2013)

Just a blast (from the highlands) from the past for you. My back-catalogue has a few gems in it – sadly, these are not two of them G:)

PS apologies to you if you are Scottish (or slightly skittish)

Laugh-A-Long Limericks for 30th September, 2014

Laugh-a-long edit

If a Wabble is half of a Froggit
And a Gungip Is half still again
Would the cost of an oversize Niggit
Be worth three one-quarters of pain
For the Niggit is vast
And it just wouldn’t last
And if you did buy one and lost it,
would you shout out a Towdle refrain?
-/-

Limerick Factumundo No.1:

Early Limericks (c. 9th century) were written in manuscript form; with monks taking days and sometimes even weeks to inscribe the short poetic form with intricate details and embellish the pages that the Limerick’s words were set upon with accompanying decorative pictures. TRUE / FALSE

-/-

The WOTD

The ‘Word of the Day’ it is… ‘Twang’

Which is quite easy if music’s your thang

But if you’ve a taste

For food – In your haste

You might mention ‘it’ instead of ‘Tang!’

-/-

Limerick Factumundo No.2:

The City of Limerick in Eire (modern day Eire or Ireland) was named after the famous Erin Limerick (which is now housed in Limerick Cathedral), The Erin Limerick hails from the very earliest of recorded poetry in Eire / Ireland and is truly an awful poem at its best). TRUE / FALSE ? 

-/-

The top of the world is quite old

And said to be terribly cold

But, what’s it to me

I’m unlikely to be

There for the climbers to behold.

-/-

The Limerick is the mightiest of beasts

Who does hold most uproarious feasts

They occur when the moon

Is eclipsed in late June

That’s if they’re not banned by the priests

-/-

Limerick Factumundo No.3:

The Limerick is one of the three ‘true’ forms of poetry as described by the Greeks in 321AD – Aclinius in his ‘History of the Ode’ was at pains to point out that the merit of a ferret in his trousers ‘was’ that it taught him to ‘bear it!’ as he writes it (and ‘the nipping of teeth’ at ‘what lay beneath’ really made a man of him… or not – the Ovidian transation from the old Greek to Latin and since then from Latin to English {Modern day English}  is not one hundred per cent clear). The other two ‘true’ forms are, of course, the ‘Ode – in all its glory’, and the ‘Punning Couplet’ which is making a comeback in some literary circles. TRUE /FALSE ?

-/-

Almost lost is the fine art of spilling

I say this agen, wons moor, and with filling

So mop up your badd wisdom

With a spill-check sisdom

And the clarity it will soon be revilling!

-/-

Limerick Factumundo No.4:

The Ombazo Limerick was discovered in 1312 by the banks of the Ombazo River in Wasalla (modern day Umallawoo)  by a Turkish merchant who thought that the stone upon which it was engraved was just a direction post for travellers. Copying down the details and then trying to follow them to get back to a main-trading route, he became irretrievably lost and the inscription parchment with him. The Limerick Stone has long been missing and it was only in 1847 that the remains of the traveller and the parchment were found – just north of Preston (modern day Preston). TRUE / FALSE ?

-/-

The AWOTD

The ‘Alternative Word of the Day’ it is… ‘Drudge’

It’s when you have to eat  fudge

Toffees and creams

Flavours from dreams

And your teeth, clamped together, won’t budge!

-/-

In Ireland upon St. Limerick’s day

In five lines the natives do pray

They recite then they laugh

About a telescopic giraffe

And then merrily go on their way.

-/-

Limerick Factumundo No.5:

The Limerick is also the most mathematical of poetic devices. It’s 8 letters relate strongly to themes of Infinity and the Mobius Strip whilst its 5 lines relate to the 5 good things a day that the Greek god, Vega, decreed that the peoples should aspire to – Swedish philosophers have marvelled at the simple, yet effective aabba rhyme scheme and this has also been noted by some of their most popular musicians. The ‘True’ Limerick also has a specific Gravity of 3.142 (rounded up) and is therefore not to be trusted. TRUE /FALSE ?

-/-

A strongman was crossing a ridge

Carrying a stove, a duck, and a fridge

When an old lady flew past

(Carrying all the troubles of the world upon her shoulders)

For her shoulders were vast

And the  strong(ish)man did his strength then abridge!

-/-

September as a month is quite short

But, as they say, it’s better a witty retort

Than a month in a tort

Or a case of Sneezlewort

For putting those days in –  whilst in port.

-/-

Limerick Factumundo No.6:

There are only 5 Factumondoes about Limericks. TRUE /FALSE ? 

-/-

A Limerick walked into a bargain basement

“I’ve come about my temporary placement!”

They said “You’re too short!

But, any storm in a port,

You’ll do till we can find a replacement!

-/-

Thank you for reading these Limericks, I say,

These five-lined behemoths  wot I wrote every which way

I did so all through September

And I hope some you’ll remember

As there’s a quiz on them a week Saturday!