Category Archives: JaneGoldsack

” ‘Smozers!’ Jane Likes ‘Smozers!’ “

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“Smozers! Jane likes ‘Smozers!’ “

Which is not quite the Earth-shattering news that you’d think.
Jane ‘actually’ likes ‘samosas’ which is even more of a ‘non’ event.

“Don’t put your Smozers in the toaster, Mrs Potamus.”

Which phrase is just Jane’s idea of using a lyric from The Sweetchunks Band’s song ‘Hippopotamus’ and substituting some words to effect a clever play on the matter in hand.

The original lyric is:

“Don’t put your hippo in a tutu, Mrs Potamus!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8A5VFcLOvE&sns=tw via @youtube

Which is s scream when heard live for the first time (and soon becomes an ‘ear-worm’ for the rest of your life or until you die – whichever comes first).

Anyway, the ‘Smozers!’ In question were warmed up in the aforementioned toaster – causing SDS (Samosa Disintegration Syndrome) to occur. Muggins here had to clean out the toaster (remembering to remove from the power and clear the sink for the project).

Glad to say that the toaster and myself survived to toast the occasion; but, sadly, the ‘Smozer!’ that was released from the toasting device didn’t survive the operation – black armbands are to be worn at half mast for the foreseeable future.

I hope that this sad tale has not upset your delicate metabolisms. If it ‘has’ done any irrevocable damage at all to your body or fragile mind, consider yourself lucky that it’s nearly at an end.

Which is now

End

A Gift (of a Haiku)

One Random Haiku

If you would like a Haiku as a gift, please let us know your genre requirements and we shall endeavour to provide you with a tailor-made Haiku that will satisfy your poetical needs – we do not charge for this service – but a ‘like’ is always appreciated – thank you G & J:)

Laugh-A-Long Limericks for 30th September, 2014

Laugh-a-long edit

If a Wabble is half of a Froggit
And a Gungip Is half still again
Would the cost of an oversize Niggit
Be worth three one-quarters of pain
For the Niggit is vast
And it just wouldn’t last
And if you did buy one and lost it,
would you shout out a Towdle refrain?
-/-

Limerick Factumundo No.1:

Early Limericks (c. 9th century) were written in manuscript form; with monks taking days and sometimes even weeks to inscribe the short poetic form with intricate details and embellish the pages that the Limerick’s words were set upon with accompanying decorative pictures. TRUE / FALSE

-/-

The WOTD

The ‘Word of the Day’ it is… ‘Twang’

Which is quite easy if music’s your thang

But if you’ve a taste

For food – In your haste

You might mention ‘it’ instead of ‘Tang!’

-/-

Limerick Factumundo No.2:

The City of Limerick in Eire (modern day Eire or Ireland) was named after the famous Erin Limerick (which is now housed in Limerick Cathedral), The Erin Limerick hails from the very earliest of recorded poetry in Eire / Ireland and is truly an awful poem at its best). TRUE / FALSE ? 

-/-

The top of the world is quite old

And said to be terribly cold

But, what’s it to me

I’m unlikely to be

There for the climbers to behold.

-/-

The Limerick is the mightiest of beasts

Who does hold most uproarious feasts

They occur when the moon

Is eclipsed in late June

That’s if they’re not banned by the priests

-/-

Limerick Factumundo No.3:

The Limerick is one of the three ‘true’ forms of poetry as described by the Greeks in 321AD – Aclinius in his ‘History of the Ode’ was at pains to point out that the merit of a ferret in his trousers ‘was’ that it taught him to ‘bear it!’ as he writes it (and ‘the nipping of teeth’ at ‘what lay beneath’ really made a man of him… or not – the Ovidian transation from the old Greek to Latin and since then from Latin to English {Modern day English}  is not one hundred per cent clear). The other two ‘true’ forms are, of course, the ‘Ode – in all its glory’, and the ‘Punning Couplet’ which is making a comeback in some literary circles. TRUE /FALSE ?

-/-

Almost lost is the fine art of spilling

I say this agen, wons moor, and with filling

So mop up your badd wisdom

With a spill-check sisdom

And the clarity it will soon be revilling!

-/-

Limerick Factumundo No.4:

The Ombazo Limerick was discovered in 1312 by the banks of the Ombazo River in Wasalla (modern day Umallawoo)  by a Turkish merchant who thought that the stone upon which it was engraved was just a direction post for travellers. Copying down the details and then trying to follow them to get back to a main-trading route, he became irretrievably lost and the inscription parchment with him. The Limerick Stone has long been missing and it was only in 1847 that the remains of the traveller and the parchment were found – just north of Preston (modern day Preston). TRUE / FALSE ?

-/-

The AWOTD

The ‘Alternative Word of the Day’ it is… ‘Drudge’

It’s when you have to eat  fudge

Toffees and creams

Flavours from dreams

And your teeth, clamped together, won’t budge!

-/-

In Ireland upon St. Limerick’s day

In five lines the natives do pray

They recite then they laugh

About a telescopic giraffe

And then merrily go on their way.

-/-

Limerick Factumundo No.5:

The Limerick is also the most mathematical of poetic devices. It’s 8 letters relate strongly to themes of Infinity and the Mobius Strip whilst its 5 lines relate to the 5 good things a day that the Greek god, Vega, decreed that the peoples should aspire to – Swedish philosophers have marvelled at the simple, yet effective aabba rhyme scheme and this has also been noted by some of their most popular musicians. The ‘True’ Limerick also has a specific Gravity of 3.142 (rounded up) and is therefore not to be trusted. TRUE /FALSE ?

-/-

A strongman was crossing a ridge

Carrying a stove, a duck, and a fridge

When an old lady flew past

(Carrying all the troubles of the world upon her shoulders)

For her shoulders were vast

And the  strong(ish)man did his strength then abridge!

-/-

September as a month is quite short

But, as they say, it’s better a witty retort

Than a month in a tort

Or a case of Sneezlewort

For putting those days in –  whilst in port.

-/-

Limerick Factumundo No.6:

There are only 5 Factumondoes about Limericks. TRUE /FALSE ? 

-/-

A Limerick walked into a bargain basement

“I’ve come about my temporary placement!”

They said “You’re too short!

But, any storm in a port,

You’ll do till we can find a replacement!

-/-

Thank you for reading these Limericks, I say,

These five-lined behemoths  wot I wrote every which way

I did so all through September

And I hope some you’ll remember

As there’s a quiz on them a week Saturday!