Category Archives: humour

A Q&A Session for the Inquisitive about my Poetry

May Contain Words

is questionable!.

Do I have to write every day?

I do.

Does what I write make me happy?

It often does.

Why is that?

The process focuses my mind upon people and places, thoughts and feelings that I encounter as I travel my life roads.

If Hannah had some sweets and ate some would you try and work out a rhyme for the orange sweets?

Knowing me (as I do) yes.

Would it rhyme?

All the time.

Honestly?

No, probably not ‘all’ the time; it is very difficult to arrange oranges in a rhyme.

Yes, I know that.

Keep to the questions; you’re not allowed to reflect.

I’m not?

No. That is the job of the poet – as if you didn’t know it. The questioner has a lot to answer for; if you don’t question my reasons for existing as a poet I shall show you the door.

And very nice it is, too.

That’s it… Out you go.

Why?

It’s too late for that. Begone!

And so ends our Question and Answer session – I hope it was useful for you inquisitive types. We shall try and host another soon… if we can find a proper Questioneer!

A World of Woe!

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A man walks into a laundrette and asks the lady there: “Have you got anything that will remove nasty stains from society?”

The lady replies: “Splinge!”

“Splinge?” Queries the man.

“Yes – and now with added Gribble-Tang!”
NB The World’s Woes cannot be easily solved – but, a laugh can help you to deal with a little of them for a little while – I try to see the lightness when all around may be less than bright. G:)

Dunn & Dusted – Solicitors.

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Dunn & Dusted, Solicitors

Purveyors of fine conveyancing since 1841 (which is nearly twenty to seven) and writers of oaths and wills.

Services provided include (at a small cost) the authenticating of documents and the provision of probatory parchment.
NB The company of partners parted company partly due to complications in partitioning the compartments of the first part and complaints by the participants of the comparative second part – they parted company on good terms (but, not for both sides) and sought consolation in the quaffing of eyes and the purveyancing of teas.

This is often the (brief) case with two partners that initially (PTD & SCD) got on so well; that later in their careers they just couldn’t stand the sight of each other (sadly, in the midst of this they had married and created a fine brood of offspring – known as children – and settled down in a fine Tudor cottage just outside of K-).

They are considering proceedings.

The brood of Dunn-Dusted or Dusted-Dunn children are financially secure, yet intrinsically insecure otherwise. It is usually the children that get hurt – but, as the youngest is 47, they may be able to deal with this state of affairs.

This is, of course, totally fictional; thus, not liable to libel proceedings (if read) or sundry slanderisms (if heard).

Think on that if you are a lawyer and are considering the dangerous occupation of marrying another of the similar and likewise profession.

You have been warned.

Joke Try-Out 1 (Chalk)

In fact, I bought two!

In fact, I bought two!

She said that her writing was: “Better than mine – buy a long chalk!”

So, I bought some long chalk and went back to the blackboard.
It didn’t help.

“Is This Poem Doing It For You?”

May Contain Words

May Contain Words

Is this poem doing it for you?

Is it?
Has it got enough punch
To make you miss your lunch;
Or are you yearning for something shorter?
A haiku, perhaps;
Where it’s over in seconds;
And you can move on.
Do you desire serious ‘Literature’
A ‘sonnet?’
If ‘that’ is so, I hope the words are not too dull.
They ‘may’ cause a lull.
Is this poem funny enough?
Or ‘too’ funny?
Is there a definitive amount of humour?
I think I heard a rumour that there is point where the length of a line is considered ‘too’ long; though it could be wrong.
Is this poem ‘too’ long for you?
Or ‘too’ repetitive?
Or ‘too’ repetitive?
Or is it familiarity breeding contempt;
Or, it could be exempt from the ‘too repetitive’ clause of poem-writing.
If there was such a thing.

And, should you have stopped reading this after the haiku?
Did you spot the haiku?
Do you care?
Do you even like poetry?

Rebecca’s In(n), Jamaica.

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“I’ve never been to Jamaica Inn…”
There’s a poem there
Somewhere
But, my brain is not in
(I called it and left an answerphone message; hopefully it will get back to me later – of its own accord!)

And there’s a joke there, too.
Just mentioning it in case you hadn’t noticed
Because, I don’t do jokes
And I definitely don’t do subtle.

At The Bakers

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I went to the bakers this morning;
I bought a small farmhouse, a cottage and a Tiger stick…
I only went in for some bread!

A Joke that doesn’t work on paper

Cute white chinchilla (2)

Question: “What do you call a Chinchilla with no ‘i’s?”

Response: “I don’t know; what do you call a Chinchilla with no ‘eyes?’ “

Answer: “A Chnchlla!”

See what I mean?

But, it does work verbally. It’s not easy to say ‘Chnchlla’ but the punchline works much better when spoken.

There are other animals that this joke might work just as well for (verbally) and quite a few that it wouldn’t work for (Zebra, Elephant, Badger, Fox, etc.) and some where you could say…

Question: “What do you call a (insert animal here) with one ‘I’? (such as Giraffe, Lion, Tiger)

Response: “I don’t know; what do you call a Giraffe (for example) with one eye?”

Answer: “A Giraffe!”

Not funny either verbally or on paper.

There are occasions where it will work as in:

Question: “What do you call a Deer with no ‘i’s?”

Response: “I don’t know; what do you call a Deer with no ‘i’s?”

Answer: “No eye deer!”

Which is better.

So, a lesson can be learnt from the above – though, what it is, I (like a poor detective), haven’t a clue.

And the reason for my telling you this – well, I just thought that I would share with you a little jocule (small joke) that I dwelt upon this morning.

NB For further reading check up on ‘Minute’ by M.Y. Newt

Poets Die in Hot Cars

Poets die in hot cars
Poets die in hot cars;
While doggerels lay exhausted in the heat of the midday sun
Lacking fluid and needing the shadow
Of Autum-te-dum leaves.
The sweat of a writer's brow trickles between lashes 
And splashes of colour lighten up an otherwise dull shade of grey.
Old tomes lie, unread, unnoticed and largely unwanted 
when minute devices carry their weight lightly
Politely giving up their words at the press of a button
Although some would think of Shakespeare as Lamb dressed up like Milton.
Or Brie compared to Stilton.

Poems die in a bright non-blaze of apathy 
Lounging in cupboards and drawers; spouting off about charges and wars
When all the people want is a quick laugh
Then another
Without too much bother
"Brother, can you spare the time to read a book?"
"A what?"
And so it goes
Where it will end
Nobody knows.
The written word is fading and blurred
And will be long forgotten
When all things have occurred
That are happening now.
 
Learning to read?
What is the need?

Walkus 98-103 (Tennyson, Walks & Rover) by Vega & Haiku

haiku-poetry walkus 98-103

Walku 98 (Tennyson)

Vega:
“Water to the left…”
Haiku:
“Water to the right…”
Both:
“Into the puddles!”

-/-

Walku 99 (A Walk in the Woods)

Vega:
“Along forest paths
Through the winding woods we go…”
Haiku:
“Daddy will guide us.”

-/-

Walku 100 (Rover!)

Haiku:
“What’s ‘Roverandom?’ ”
Vega:
“It is a book by Tolkein.
It’s about a dog.”

Walku 101 (and Rover again!)
Haiku:
“What does this dog do?”
Vega:
“He has lots of adventures
And goes to the moon.”

Walku 102 (Rover and Out!)
Haiku:
“Is he big and brave?”
Vega:
“No, pint-size; he is tiny –
Smaller than you are!”

Walku 103 (And Really Out)

Haiku:
“It’s not ‘quantity’
It’s the quality that counts –
And it’s there ‘I’ win!”.

-/-

Haiku today is going on her first solo Walkus - 4 penned with a wistful feel to them.

#puppy # puppies