Category Archives: cluedo

Tales from the Whom Household (A Work in Progress)

hash-tag dialogueforaplay

An Episode in the #dialogueforaplay series

Dr. P: Hello! I’m Doctor Proctor, Vector Inspector.

Maud: Really?

Dr. P: Yes. Don’t you believe me?

Maud: Well, it is a bit far-fetched.

Dr. P: I am an imminent physician!

Maud: Don’t you mean ’eminent?’

Dr. P: I might do. In time. Who is asking?

Maud: Whom?

Dr. P: Okay; ‘whom’ is asking?

Maud: No. I am Lady Whom, Lady Maud Whom. The last in a long line of Whoms.

Dr. P: Ah! Just the parsonage that I was looking for!

Maud: If you are looking for the Parsonage, it’s by the church – as is usual in these villages.

Dr. P: Sorry? I think you misunderstand, or misunderstood me. I was looking for Lady Whom.

Maud: You ‘was’ looking for her? Have you stopped looking for her now, young man?

Dr. P: I have. Seeing as how I has now found her whereabouts; which turned out to be hereabouts.

Maud: Or thereabouts!

Dr. P: Precisely! I was misdirected the wrong way by some youths on the traffic islands at the edge of the village.

Maud: Layabouts… on roundabouts.

Dr. P: In-deed!

Maud: And in fact, supposéd doctor.

Dr. P: I must speak with you.

Maud: Then we must stop this conversation immediately.

Dr. P: Or sooner.

Maud: Very well. (There is a short pause) About what would you speak to Lady Whom about?

Dr. P: Do you always speak of yourself in the third person?

Maud: Yes; I used to play cricket.

Dr. P: Ah! I see.

Narr: Though he clearly didn’t.

Dr. P: And who or ‘whom’ are you Sirrah?

Narr: I am the narrator to your conversation; I add a few details here and there to allow the listener (or the reader) to understand what is going on.

Dr. P: Why should they be akin to that knowledge when we so clearly are not?

Narr: It is the way of things in this sort of genre, Dr. Proctor.

Dr. P: Harrumph!

Maud: Yes. I can see that it may be a help to our audience; but, it is a bit unfair on us.

Narr: I have no free will in this, malady; my words have been written for me in advance.

Dr. P: What! Are we predestined to a destined destination?

Narr: Yes.

Maud: And we have to follow a path set out for us.

Narr: Yes.

Dr. P: Without any hope of ultimate salvation?

Narr: Yes.


The Cluedo is in the title.


There is a solution
Amid the confusion
Of who, what, where and when
And even why…
Who committed the crime
So dastardly?
And concealed their involvement so craftily?
What weapon of choice did he or she decide upon as an apt instrument to use with evil intent?
Where did the dirty deed take place; and was that the location of choice?
When did this happen? When was the crime concocted?
Why did they do what they did to whom they did it and with what they did?
If we knew all the answers to these questions then confusion and illusion would be removed and all would become clear…
Is that point in time near?

(Sort of) A Sonnet to Cluedo


(Sort of) A Sonnet to Cluedo

“How do I solve thee?
Let me count the ways.
Thou art more complex
And more intriguing
Than a maze inside a labyrinth
Within an enigma.
In fact, I think that you are
Mrs White in the Kitchen
With the Food Mixer!
What? No food mixer?
How strange. You’d think they’d
Have a food mixer in there – I have.
Though, I suppose it’s better for making cakes than corpses…
Although a corpse-cake
May be an idea for a Cluedo-themed party… that’s an idea.
Oh! Well, perhaps it was Mr Bun the Baker in the Bakery with the Stale Baguette?
What do you mean, you’re not playing anymore?
It’s your game and you’re going home!
Now, we’ll never know who did it…
With what… And to whom!”

#dialogueforaplay (Tweets 51-63 – to the Intermission)

hash-tag dialogueforaplay 51-65ish


Dr 1: You called him a stiff – I heard you!

Dr P: Yes, you did!

Dr 1: I know I did – I was listening!

Dr P: Really? Tbc



Dr 1: About that Nightcap…

DC Acey: Okay! Listen…

Dr 1: (listens)

Dr P: (listens)

DC Acey: I so needed that!




A woman enters the scene There is a knock at the door.

Woman: I’m ‘so’ out of sync this morning.

Dr P: And you are?




Woman: Yes, I am- a state of ‘being’ is so necessary these days, don’t you think? Dr 1: He doesn’t – none of us do.




Woman: I am the Lady Whom… married to Lord Whom – whom I am meeting here, today. Is he here?

Dr 1: Tall? Dead?




Woman: He is tall – he wasn’t dead the last time I spoke to him.

Dr P: This him?

Woman: No!!

DC Acey: Not me! Him!




Woman: He’s… dead!

Omnes: Are ‘you’ a doctor?

Woman: I may be. Who is asking?

Omnes: We are!

Woman: Yes, you are!




DC Acey: Well?

Woman: Yes, thank you – apart from a recent shock to the marital status. He was a Lord, you know.




Omnes: We’d gathered that!

Dr P: But, what use is a dead Lord?

Wom: About as much use as a live one – in his case




Dr 1: We have called him an ambulance!

Wom: I’ve called him far worse than that, dearie!

DC Acey: Shall we dance?



61 Intermission –

You may dance! You may not, however, do the Mashed Potato or the Susi Q if there is an ‘r’ in the month.



The music continues as the characters (the live ones only) dance a waltz – sadly the music is not a waltz tune.




Ann Owncer: Ladies & Gentlemen… if you could be resuming your seats in a moment… the second act is about to begin!