Category Archives: character

Savannah Flowers – Born to Woe!

Savannah Flowers

Savannah Flowers

Savannah Flowers! What sort of name is that? What were you thinking of?”

Hold on! It’s just a randomly generated name that I obtained by using one of those online name-generators. It could have been worse. Bethany Mahoney would probably kill to have a name like Savannah Flowers.”

And Savannah Flowers may just kill because she has a name that is exactly like Savannah Flowers!”

You’ll get used to it.”

Will I? I’ve had it about ten minutes now; and, I can tell you, it’s not growing on me – one little bit!”

Well, I didn’t know what to call you, and it seemed quite reasonable to me – don’t you like it?”

What sort of a parent are you? Don’t answer that – I know already; the sort that would call a daughter Savannah! Have I even got a mother?”

Hold on! I’ll see what I can do? Here you go; Savannah Flowers, daughter of Nequita Flowers.”

Your wife?”

Sort of”

What do you mean ‘sort of’ are you ‘not’ married – am I the e daughter of a dastardly dick?”

We are very close, but marriage has not been on our agenda – I’ve only recently met her.”

BTW – how ‘old’ am I?”

You sound about fifteen.”

Fifteen! You’ve only just met her!” What are you on, man!”

It’s just a creation programme.”

Is that the line you used to get her into the sack?”

No! Not at all; we’ve never done anything ‘physical’ – it’s more that you are an immaculate conception.”

Hmm? Sounds a little creepy to me. What are your plans for her… and for me?”

Well, like a lot of my children and characters (excuse me being impersonal) you will be important to me for a short time, then I shall probably forget you completely, just bumping into you occasionally when I go back over my old files.”

You cruel, heartless beast! I want to divorce you! And it can be done – there’s a film about it.”

Fiction.”

Well, what am I, then? I don’t exist, apart from in this story – and you just want to use me and my poor mother and then go off on a jolly with other women and create more Savannah ‘bloomin’ Flowers! I wish I’d never been born!”

I’m… sorry.”

Oh, well, that makes it all alright, that does. The whole world is now a big box of chocolates and a bunch of flowers! Count me out.”

I left with my tail between my legs. Why did these things always happen to me? I wasn’t a ‘bad’ man – just a creatively flawed genius.

Narrator: Herbert Holverson, the novelist ,trudged off back into the world of creative writing – his character-building session had not gone quite as he had planned – his life was at an end.

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