Author Archives: The Febrile Imaginings Of A Cluttered Mind

“By the Law of Averagus!”

“By the Law of Averagus, I declare ‘that’ ‘all’ ‘unlawful’ ‘optimism’ ‘shall’ ‘be’ ‘hereby’ ‘stopped!’ “

Let’s go for a walk.

As much as we’d like to…

As much as we could…

As it’s raining so much,

I don’t think that we should.

Juice (on a Sunday?)

How can I rejoice,

when I have never even joiced?

Did I have a choice

that I missed

and never made?

Did I fail

to make the grade?

And, if not mine,

at whose door can the fault be laid?

How can I rejoice,

when I’ve never even joiced?

Ivory Tower

I’ve spent many hours

in an ivory tower,

looking out at the sky,

and the brave knights passing by;

dreaming of where they were going,

never knowing if they would return

to their families and homes.

Hairy McClary’s Travels

Not many people (one, if you include my self) know that Hairy McClary was written by a tall man who travelled between Glasgow and Berwick, Krannock Muir, Aberdeen, and Galbraith, with the occasional visits to Aberystwyth, Belfast, Bangalore, and Dublin – just like the travels of my Scottish accent. Although it may be a Scott’s Accent, or even a Scotch accent – but, as I don’t drink Scotch (Whiskey or otherwise) I cannae say.

Hairy McClary was born in Glasgow, hence he ‘has’ to have a Scotttiche accent; there is a Glasgow in Kentucky, America, but, my accent for that ancestry would cause Hairy McClary to travel the world in minutes, never mind eighty days.

No, truthfully, the Hairy McClary stories were written by a New Zealander, named Dame Lynley Dodd – although, what her parents were thinking when they called her ‘Dame’, I do not know; luckily she actually became a ‘Dame’ in 2009 and is now known as Dame Dame Lynley Dodd, what are the odds on that happening?

Storm Dennis Limerick

There was a big storm they named Dennis,

Which made it quite hard to play tennis:

When blowing a gale,

With wind, rain and hail,

it resembled a street walk in Venice.

“A walk to the Hurlers”

‘A walk to the Hurlers,

is just what you need.’ they said.

So, I set off straight away,

with my sturdy boots,

my rambling stick,

and my curlers still warm on my head.

‘It will leave you feeling awed and inspired’,

they told me -it was possibly true;

but, it was blowing a hoolie,

and cats and dogs

were falling from a sky,

that was the blackest shade of blue.

I watched, as the mizzle soaked me to the skin,

and the West wind knocked my socks off,

it was just the sort of weather

that would knock the steeples and their steeplecocks off.

I may have been hasty,

with my skin tone so pasty,

and my allergic reaction to rain;

so, when I came out in a rush,

I was soon out in a rash;

and made a mad dash for the tea-rooms.

Where I dripped a lot,

and thawed,

then expired.