The biggest aspidistra in the world

We had, in our garden,

the biggest aspidistra I have ever seen,

possibly the biggest aspidistra in the world.

I’d heard Our Gracie singing about hers,

but that was a made-up one,

mine’s for real.

So, I got the experts round,

Walter and Bill,

they had a good look,

or they would have done,

if it had been there still;

but, it must have been stolen,

or gone off on its hols,

for, today, it wasn’t there.

So, we told all the people,

‘Avoid it, take care,

it might try to kill you,

and feast on your flesh,

when your flesh it has softened,

in a week’s time or two.’

.

And they said,

‘We’ll avoid it when we see it,

we are smart as can be,

we’re lucky to have good eyesight

an aspidistra to see.’

Which was all very well

for a few months or so,

until one May night…

… the sky put on a show.

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