Any illustrious illustrators out there able to draw the safety headwear that I have created below? There will be a free cream tea in it for you.
My task is to create a device for the safe eating of pasties in Seagull-occupied areas.
If only I was an inventor…
And not a writer.
A hood
Might be good
With an area covered
Safe from attack
From the front
And the back.
With a space for the pastie to be held;
Like those masks
Of those people that weld;
But, with a little more space
For the pasty to face
One’s face.
Perhaps with a shelf inside
To rest the pasty
Between bites;
And maybe a light
For eating pasties at night.
What about a plastic Eagle
Perched upon the crown?
Seeing one of those might
Cause the seagull to think twice
About swooping down.
A Golden Eagle
With flapping wings
That you could operate
With carefully positioned strings.
And mirrors like you get on a Mod’s Lambretta
To allow for approaching seabird vigilance.
Thinking along these lines
Makes me feel better
That the ‘gulls can be deterred;
They won’t beat my Super-Gull-Proof Helmet;
They’re not that clever a bird…
Are they?
Graeme Sandford 