Ashton on the Line (A Teddy Bear in Uncertain Situations).

“You’re a bear!”

“Obviously. Bears look like me, I look like a bear; the reason being… I am a bear.”

“But, you can talk!”

“As can you – fun isn’t it?”

“But, I’m ‘not’ a bear!”

“No, and that is your loss; there’s nothing much that I can do about your parentage, now that you’ve been born and raised by… humans!”

“But, you can talk!”

“Haven’t we established that? My, you are a weird one.”

“No. Well, yes; but, what I mean is… you are a talking bear.”

“We all talk.”

“In English?”

“Ah, I see where you are becoming confused. I am talking in ‘Bear’, you, on the other paw, are hearing in English. Life can be funny like that.”

“How… ?”

“And now you are talking in Native American, and I am hearing in Bear. Do you speak many languages?”

“A little of some, and not a lot of many.”

“Bon. Quelle jour est-il?”

“Um, Thursday, I think.”


“Does it?”

“Oh, yes; I am a big fan of H2G2.”

“I quite like H2O.”

“I assumed you would. Do you travel this way often?”

“No. In fact, this is the first time I have been here.”

“And the last?”


“No apologies needed; but, it’s not good to meet a bear (albeit a talking one) in the woods, is it?”

“”No, I suppose not.”

There is a pause of some few seconds.

“Should I run?”

“Do you want to?”

“I feel that I must.”

“Okay, at least you could say that you made an effort to escape your fate.”

“To whom would I say that?”

“Oh I think you would have to have a soft, short conversation with yourself.”

“Right. Thanks.”

The traveller set of at a breakneck speed – which term gained considerable aptness as a twisted root is negotiated with all the elegance of a camel waterskiing.

“Oh, well, that’s a bit of a shame.” said Ashton the bear, returning to his perusal of the vegetation nearby.

4 responses to “Ashton on the Line (A Teddy Bear in Uncertain Situations).

  1. Loved it! Brought a smile to the dial early on a Sunday morn.

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