Monthly Archives: December 2018

Random Radio.

RANDOM RADIO

“Welcome to Random Radio – the station for all sorts of everything that reminds us of you!”

“And your presenters for this wonderful wonder of wonders are…”

“The inimitable Burt Bachabeyond and the luminous lump that is…”

“Moira Thisjame!”

“Giving you ‘Burt!’ “

“and Moira!”

“On ‘Random Radiooooooo!”

“And our first record of the day is the hundred metres hurdles (Ladies, obviously) which stands at… eighty-three point eight centimetres!”

“Marvellous, Burt! And, now, on with the show!”

GRAMS “RANDOM RADIO!!!!!”

“Let’s spin some vinyl – this is ‘Blue Monday’ by New Order.”

GRAMS ‘Blue Moon’ by The Marcels.

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Will & Ben: Renaissance Men – Fish Supper.

Will & Ben: Renaissance Men – Fish Supper.

Will & Ben and the Invention of the Fish Supper.

Little do people know that it was William Shakespeare who first invented the fish supper as we know it today.

It’s creation came about in this strange way…

One night in Southwark’s more salubrious quarters, Will and Ben were downing (and sometimes quaffing) pints of merrry mead when the conversation turned on to the subject of food.

Will: Hast one a hunger, Ben?

Ben: Aye, Will; I hast a hunger for wine, women and song!

Will: Apart from those fine hobbies of yours, Ben, hast thou a hunger for the love of food?

Ben: Well, Will, now that you come to mention it… hast thou any thoughts upon what food we could devote our attentions?

Will: ‘Tis Friday, Ben; and fish is the recommended dish, is it not?

Ben: Yeah, verily, Will: good old English fish cooked in good old English water and served with a good old English apology.

Will: Usually, Ben, I would say ‘yes, you are quite right!’ but I know a place where they will fry the fish for you. I supplied them with a flour-paste coating for the fish – with special herbs – and they coat the fish with it!

Ben: Sounds disgusting, Will!

Will: That’s as maybe, Ben; but, I have gained a taste for it; they will also fry some of Raleigh’s Potatoes for you, if you like.

Ben: Was that also at your behest?

Will: Aye, Ben; I am something of a fish-monger as well as being a word-monger.

Ben: Okay, Will, where is this place?

Will: Up by the Battery.

Ben: Let is do this thing, Will; ‘tid Friday, and we shall suffer fish.

Will: Super, Ben; let us begone hence!

The Mango Who Wanted to Tango.

The Mango Who Wanted to Tango.

A mango

wanting to Tango

went to the dance class;

alas, it was full

of Cucumbers wanting to learn

to Rhumba.

Silly Nonsense!

Silly Nonsense!

I signed up for a ninety-nine year lease

on a two-up, three down flock of geese;

now I am waiting for my commitment to cease,

as there has been an Oriental increase.

13 Seconds of Silence

13 Seconds of Silence

Thirteen seconds of silence

led to thirteen seconds more –

the rest did me good.

My mouth recovered,

my tongue recharged,

my impatience began to rally(

and soon there was silence

no more.

Pre-Decimal Poetry

Pre-Decimal Poetry

“Who will buy my Ginger Jam,

my Ginger Jam,

my Ginger Jam?

Who will buy my Ginger Jam

at seven-pence ha’penny a jar?”

Archived? ‘Farewell, April!’

‘Farewell, April!’

In the late 21st Century April fell out of use. It was renamed Shower.

Soon after, all of the months were renamed to suit their most apt tempers.

Thus we ended up with Ice, Snow, Hail, Heat, Wind and the rest.

Strangely enough, the months acclimatised themselves to the new names and for a month at a time everybody knew exactly what the weather would be.

G:)