‘Knock, Knock, Knocking on Heaven’s Door.’

Song: Knock, knock, knocking on Heaven’s door.

SFX ‘Knock, knock, knock!’

St. Peter: Who is there?

“Yes, it is I, Mr. Who.”

St. Peter: Not ‘Dr.’?

“No. I am a consultant! Always very upset and disgruntled if I am addressed as ‘Dr.’ “

St. Peter: Yes. It always confuses me that you go from being a ‘Mr.’ to a ‘Dr.’ and onwards to being a ‘Mr.’ again, and think that it is superior.

“I suppose that you don’t get that sort of thing up here? Is everybody a Saint?”

St. Peter: No. Not everybody. When you get promotion from the Sainthood ‘up here’ you also become a ‘Mr.’ Isn’t that a strange coincidence.

“Is that so?”

St. Peter: Oh, yes. It was decreed in a memo from Mr. God Himself. You can ask him all about it when you meet him.

“Do I get to meet G- ah, Mr. God?”

St. Peter: Oh, yes. You will be helping Him mucking our the Heavenly stables for the first couple of weeks.


St. Peter: Always needs doing; you cannot let these things build up, you know. Anyway, it is why the rosebeds always look so nice ‘up here’.

“I look forward to it.”

St. Peter: After a week it becomes less of a joy, more of a lifestyle choice. And three weeks in the Heavenly showers afterwards only just about does the trick.


St. Peter: Anyway, excuse all of my small talk and ‘Welcome to Heaven, your shovel is over there – it has your name written on it.

“And then…?”

St. Peter: Straight off to the stables – just follow your nose, Mr. Who.


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