Monthly Archives: January 2018

N.A.A.M.S. (Not All Acronyms Make Sense).

“Must get myself an acronym PDQ!



SA (straight away)

It’s ATR (all the rage)

OSTS (or so they say)


ITNOT (in the nick of time)

ITIS (I Think I’ll stop)

BTGTS (before this gets too silly).”


‘Sleep’ @baffled #HaikuChallenge #Haiku

‘Sleep’ @baffled #HaikuChallenge #Haiku

“I thought you said ‘Sheep!’

Lots and lots of jumping sheep!

One, two, three, four… “


Note To Self.

Note To Self

Dear Self,

Please excuse my being so formal;

but, I am not confident, whilst in your presence, to say certain things.

So, I have resorted to writing them down in a letter.

Firstly, to delay the nub of my correspondence a little, I would ask after your physical and mental health, hoping for a positive reply on both counts. I, on my part, am, as you would say, doing well – and doing well, as I would say.

Secondly, the reason for my writing; which is… this: I have noticed recently that you are inclined to decline the use of a single rhyme, and use nine. Not only is this ‘wasteful’ to my mind, it is also leading to the distinct possibility of the unravelling of time.

Orange may be the new black;

But, I can see that you lack

No opportunity to display your impecunity – when it comes to frugality –

And, therefore, I have been considering The possibility (even the legality) of my separating

From you


With this in mind

I hope to find you In agreement

With my wishes.

However, if wishes were fishes,

I wouldn’t be dropping you this line.

Yours hopefully (and sincerely)

Your conscience

(Who loves you dearly).

Playing Yahtzee in my Onesie.

Playing ‘Yahtzee’ in my ‘Onesie’

Is such a source of funzie

That I don’t think…

I just don’t…

And, don’t laugh,

My onesie is pink

And in the form of a giraffe.

This poem would be longer

If your constitution was stronger

You could stand it

And understand it, too.

But, it finished lines ago

And this is just the drivel

That I would have written

If by a tsetse fly

I had been bitten.

(Obviously, the tsetse fly

Having mistaken me for a real


Watch “The Clown (aka The Onesie Song) ///// Grant Sharkey” on Vimeo:

Mrs. Pearsons’ Cottage.

At Mrs. Pearsons’ Cottage

You can get excellent pea-soup potage, every day;

If, however, you choose to visit on a Thursday,

(or happen by upon that day by chance)

For a treat, there is special suet pudding, with lashings of ginger-beer mustard,

Roast leaf stuffing, and vanilla custard –

Which, may sound rather nasty;

But, don’t be hasty –

The custard ‘isn’t’ sweet.

For, now that Mrs. Pearsons is getting old,

And is almost in her dotage,

The ingredients she uses can, on occasion, be quite strange.when viewed as surface floatage;

So, if perchance, you happen to find yourself there,

Be prepared for some glorious fare;

And, the anticipation of what surprises your host may choose to share.

Mrs. Pearsons’ Cottage is open to all and sundry;

But, perhaps it’s best to go there

When you’re not feeling particularly hungry.

‘Unknown’ @baffled #HaikuChallenge #Haiku

‘Unknown’ @baffled #HaikuChallenge, #Haiku

Who wrote this Haiku?

Which famous author was it?

Oh! Unknownymous!

The Kindling

The kindling was dwindling,

So I had to chop some more;

I used some dry and seasoned logs

I found upon the shore;

“Drift, wood, drift away

From out of my reach do go,

And voyage far to far off lands

Too far for me to know.”

I chopped the logs

I used my might

(An axe came in handy, too)

Some kindled too large,

Some kindled too small

And some were just right;

I’m learning quite fast

How the wood I should chop;

Or it’s £2.99 for a bundle,

Down the road,

In the shop.