“The milky bards are upon me!” I announced, to no one in particular.
The room looked at me, aslant, suspiciously; the people in the room left any such interaction well alone.
I removed my cowboy hat, round-rimmed thick-lensed glasses and sat back down.
“This town ain’t big enough for the both of us! And I ain’t gonna leave!” There you go, that should ruffle a few feathers – even if only amongst the Grammar Police.
And, soon enough, a Grammar Police Constable was heading my way.
“Now, listen to me, sunshine; it is: ‘this town ‘is not’ big enough for the both of you, and you ‘are not’ going to leave.’ Am I making myself clear? he spoke with all the rigid inflexibility of an intransitive verb – whatever one of those is.
“Yes, Officer – with clarity. I shall not, in the future, under any conditional pronoun, deviate from the rules as stipulated and enforced by your kind selves in the Grammar Police Force.” I may (or I may not) have been holding my fingers crossed behind my back. I was.
“Good!” Now, would you kindly allow these good people a little quiet in which to consider the appropriate response to a question put to them in the second person interrogative.”
I paused, even though I knew this one. “I shall conform to the norm.” A poet’s dictum, if ever there was one.
“We shall be watching you, Sunshine.” he growled.
‘Mr. Sunshine, if you please!’ I almost said. However, ‘stupid’ not being my middle name, I refrained from comment.
Time to knuckle down to my lessons.
‘The first person plural is only to be used…’ it was going to be a long, and boring, day.