One Day in Customer Services at Literary Provisions Ltd.

SD Phone rings twice and is answered. We hear one side of a conversation.

SFX Phone rings twice.

SFX Phone being picked up.

Assistant. Hello! Literary Provisions Limited, how may I help you.

SD slight pause listening to caller.

Assnt: Oh, Hello, Mr. Lewis. Your order? What seems to be wrong with it?

SD pause whilst listening to Mr. Lewis.

Assnt: Oh, I appreciate that we have substituted one of your items; but, we’ve had a bit of a rush of orders upon that line-

SD pause listening.

Assnt: Well, the rest of the order was okay, wasn’t it?

SD pause again.

Assnt: Well two out of three isn’t too bad – and we did give you a similar item as a replacement.

SD pause.

Assnt: Well, I know it wasn’t ‘actually’ a ‘witch’ as such; but, it was close.

SD pause

Assnt (subdued): Yes. I can honestly say that a ‘watch’ is ‘not’ a witch, in any way, shape or form. But, you are happy with the Lino and the Wardrobe?

SD pause

Assnt: You didn’t want ‘Lino?’ Well, you ordered Lino – it says so here on your order.

SD pause

Assnt: A ‘Lion?’ Well, that’s a bit out of our league, Mr. Lewis. Lino we can deliver – as we did – but, a ‘Lion’ that’s going to take a bit of time and effort to arrange – and, I’m not to sure that we are allowed to supply wild animals on demand; I think there’s probably a law about it…

SD longer pause.

Assnt: Yes, Mr. Lewis, I can see that we have only achieved on one of the three items – not so good – I shall get the manager to call you to discuss your issues.

SD pause

Assnt: Yes, Mr. Lewis, I quite agree. However, you can spend the time until my manager calls putting your wardrobe together.

SD pause.

Assnt: Oh, It wasn’t a ‘wardrobe’ you wanted? you wanted a chest of drawers? Well, I suggest you discuss this with my manager.

SD pause

Assnt: I appreciate that, Mr. Lewis. And, I ‘do’ apologise – normally we ‘do’ provide a much better service. I think it’s the new computers.

SD pause

Assnt: ‘Computers!’ We’re still not used to the ordering system protocols.

SD pause

Assnt: I quite agree. Thank you for being so patient with me, Mr. Lewis. Mr. Tolkien will call you back within the hour. Good bye.

SD pause

Phone is put down.

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