Monthly Archives: September 2017

The Rime of the Ancient Pasty

NB To be sung in an old sea-shanty sort of way.


I am a man

And I have a pasty

What shall I do with it?

I’m going to…


Eat it, eat it, eat it

Eat it, eat it, eat it,

Eat that pasty right up!


I am a seagull

And I see a man

And he has a pasty

What shall I do?
I’ll swoop down quickly

And pinch the pasty dreckly

Then I’ll have a pasty

And what shall I do with it?


I’m going to…

Eat it, eat it, eat it,

Eat it, eat it, eat it,

Eat that pasty right up!

I am a pasty

And I don’t fancy my chances.

Courtney and Jake (a song)

Jane and I ‘are’ Courtney and Jake – so we bought ourselves some chocolate from Trago Mills.

NB I (Grae/Jake) normally sing with the accompanying chords of C G and D

(Bad habit, but try it and see if you can get Courtney and Jake to live in ‘your’ song – G:) )
Courtney and Jake

(Like coffee and cake)

Courtney and Jake

Go together

Whatever the weather

And when it comes to the haves

And the have-nots;

Then Courtney and Jake

Are the chav-nots.
Courtney and Jake

Courtney and Jake

Go together

Like coffee and cake;

Like coffee and cake

Are Courtney and Jake.

My Best Ever Poem

Me dreaming about writing my best ever poem

The best poem that I will ever write

Has not been written yet;

It’s certainly not this one.
It may be my next poem

It might be my last poem

It could be both 

(Nice to go out on a high)

Or it could be years from now

And I might not even recognise it’s genius

Until it was too late.
I hesitate…
As I do…
And digress a little…
By mentioning the Sphinx…
Which is quite strange

And a propos of nothing before

Like a non-sequitur-

Oh, look at me going all foreign…
As I said…
This is not my best poem; but it is my latest.
I don’t hold out much hope for my future attempts…
Do you?

A little conversation with myself (of course)

Me: I’ve booked the cooks!
You: Lovely. (Pause) What cooks?
Me: Booked the cooks; cooked the books; cooked the cooks; and even booked the books!
You: Oh, I see. Good work, Shylock!
Me: Thank you.

PS both ‘me’ and ‘you’ are me

If this is clear then you do see

What happens when my mind meets me

And we chat and have a word or three.



The Lion, The Witch, and The Banana.
A Tale of Two Bananas
The Lord of the Bananas
The Day of the Bananas
Banana Expectations
To Kill a Banana
Of Mice and Bananas
War and Banana
Banana Island
Banana Dick
The Banana of the Baskervilles
The Importance of Being Banana
Banana Lake

 I’m sure you can think of some better ones – I’d love to hear them.

Thank you – G:)

Do, Dew, Due the Funky Gibbon!” #SSoC

‪The Funky Gibbon‬

“Do, Dew, Due the funky gibbon!”(LindaGHill’sSoCS SSoC)

‘Due’ is two

In Italy; 

Or ‘due’ means ready

For me and for you;

And the dew on the grass

Is like water in a glass

And ‘do’ you know what

A to-do it is when you are doing your best

And don’t get a rest

To eat donuts and dough;

Though, when all is said and done

Doughty souls have far less fun

Do I know this?

Indeed, I do;

And so,

I bid you


When it comes to… ‘pass’


When it comes to… ‘pass’
I took exams once

Then I took some of them twice

And a few three times.

My maths was good

So I took it twice, too;

And passed it twice.

Other things didn’t come to me so easily.

12% in Science was not a ‘pass’

In fact, it gave me a detention;

Which added a new dimension to my schooling.
1974 School by Supertramp 

From ‘The Crime Of The Century’ album on A&M records – just one of the lunchtime LPs that we played and has never left me.

My music makes me happy.

Listening, playing, I haven’t got much class;

But, on music, I won’t pass.

I’ve Never Been To Hull #HullYearOfCulture

I’ve never been to Hull

I don’t know 

If I will

Visit Hull

Is it wrong

For me not to toodle along

And be of that number

Who have visited Hull

On the banks of the Glorious Humber?
I can’t visit every place that there is;

To divide up all the places by the amount of time I have left

Would leave me spending seconds in each place – 

And then there’s the travelling,

Unravelling my way

Around the places of this country and that

I’d be forever moving up and down and across;

So, not having visited Hull

I do not consider a loss.

But, I have been to King’s Cross.

And other places.

Whilst Out Walking… on a Potentially Perfect Friday Morning (Sept 29th)

Whilst Out Walking…
On a Potentially Perfect Friday Morning
Which is most unlikely.
Although, what is perfect for one

Is an absolute disaster for another one

And one man’s bumper is another man’s fender 

(Or gender).
I have no foreknowledge of my thoughttrains – there is no schedule to follow

And no stations to climb on or off at.

(Embark or disembark, methinks).
Perhaps, I just travel along and wherever it stops is where I lay my hat.
I have hats.
But, not at this moment. 
Which is why I write upon these lines.
And miss the points.
(Just trying to think of some more railway things.)
No, I appear to have run out of steam.
Ha! The Steam-of-Consciousness writing is a carriage to carry my words quickly through the countryside.
And, only stopping to take on water, I provide a first (more likely a ‘third’) class service as I roll along with my stock rolling with me.
“Fares fair!”

Inspiration of Big Leaves

Leave the leaves to nia
Every leaf is left in her care
If even the smallest leaf is missing
nia will know it’s not there.