Count Jockula: the Scottish Vampyre.
Jockula learned to count at an early age;
And his childhood flew past-
And, often, so did he.
Jockula was raised on the Isle of Benbecula
And lowered again soon after.
When people heard the name
‘Jockula of Benbecula’
They would shake in their boots (if they had boots)
Or shake in their bear feet
(If they were descended from bears)
Before Jockula knew it
Four-hundred years had passed
And he had become…
And let us ‘not’ even mention the Wild Wolves of the Western Isles – because they have no part to play in this tale…
Or do they?
No, they definitely don’t.
Or, do they?
Moving on. Jockula never knew his parents, as they had flown the nest whilst he was still struggling with some basic existence issues – rumour had it that they were hounded from the area by, well, hounds; but, this is just covering the fact that, whilst they were on a walking tour of the isles, Jockula snr. and Jackila (his loving wife of over 800 years) they mislaid Jockula jnr. and returned home to their Transylvania homeland where they entirely forgot that they had ever produced a little vamp of their own.
And, even his name is a mystery, being named Jockula jnr. was just one big coincidence – as are a lot of things in this type of story.
Being Scotland, his friends called him Jock; being a loner, he didn’t have any friends. Therefore nobody called him Jock – and that is the basis of how a Venn diagram works.