The Joyful Journeyings of One Bertram Bumble (Part 2)

Bertram Bumble

In his pocket

For change he did fumble

And purchased a ticket for Leeds;

He popped on a bus

Forgot all the fuss

And read the instructions on a packet of seeds

(That somebody had left there, by mistake).

But, unlucky Bertram Bumble

Was done up like a kipper


And never to Leeds did he go

For the ticket he’d bought 

(Which he shouldn’t ought)

Was a third-class one-way ticket

On the deck of a night boat to Cairo.
“But this is madness!” he cried.

“The ticket-office lied

When they sold me this pig in a poke!”
But, a young lady, of looks,

Looked up from her books

And offered him succour and warmth.

She said: “You look like you’re lost,

If you’ve the price of a cup of tea

And some ‘tost’ (pronounced as in ‘tossed’)

I’ll show you the right way to go.”

“Some ‘tost’? Bertram asked

(For his brain had been tasked)

And he didn’t know what a ‘tost’ was.

“Yes, some ‘tost’ hot and buttered.”

“Oh, toast!’ Bertram uttered.

“I didn’t quite know what you meant.”

“Tost!” Clarified the young lady,

In a voice cool and shady,

“Is a rare Northern delicacy

That cures men of celibacy

And furthers the future of life.”


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