Tonight’s Performance at The Art House, Southampton (24-02-2017)

It was okay before I played there

Keira KnightlyAnd Tess Daly

That just about covers it
A Birdseye view of a Bonsai Tree

Makes a bird think he’s higher than he ought to be
Doncaster Cathedral

500 – 25,000 – 600 mins –

Five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes

How do ‘you’ measure a year?

And what is a rhetorical question?
If you were here last month I played the piano

And if you weren’t here last month 

I still played the piano

I’ve had a request to play

‘Over the hills

And far away’
Oh, sorry, it’s not a request for a song

It’s a plea
New York, London, Paris, Munich

Everybody talk about…

And, talking of cheese…

I love travelling;

Especially upon my bicycle Where I like to eat cheese, French cheese 

I love to feel the Bries on my face 

which is an acquired look

And not to everybody’s taste.
Do you hear the people singing

Singing the songs of angry men?

No, it’s just me then.
It is said that some poets find inspiration in a bottle
But in my case I do not need the Demon drink
I think

Outside of the box;

Like the canny fox

Who declined a job offer

From Schroëdinger

And was pleased at that;

‘Unlike’ Frisky the cat.
The Elements sung to a recognisable tune – I know, it’s been done before; but, not by me.
There’s antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,

And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium,

And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium,

And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium,
 NB you need to know that I put this to I Will Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers and not Modern Major-General by Gilbert & (or O’) Sullivan.
Poems, put wrong the order in.
In hand, the eye of burning

Framed the Tiger night

Symmetry immortal Tiger bright;

Or fearful of thy Forests?
This is one of my early poems

And, as I was in denial,

I gave it the title ‘I, am not a poet!’
Here, for you, is ‘I, am ‘not’ a poet.’


‘Not’ a poet…

But then, much later, when I realised that I actually was something resembling a poet I rewrote the poem and renamed it ‘I think ‘I’ ‘am’ a poet’
And this is the poem ‘I think ‘I’ ‘am’ a poet.’
I think



A poet…



This is a poem that is ‘called’ ‘Nitrogen & Oxygen’
It’s called that

But, It’s really all about me

It’s a large part of our air

Do you see?


No, of course you don’t,

One of its properties is invisibility.
This is a poem called ‘The End’
When it is

The End

I shall finish

And all shall mend.


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