One Day in Hell


“Hello!” said Satan.

“Oh, Hell!” I quiveringly replied.

“Close, but no cigar. In fact, if you did get a cigar upon arrival, there would be plenty of places to light it, don’t you think?”

“I though Hell was just a myth promulgated by religions as a detergent.”

“Deterrent. Promulgated? No, Hell is. And what it is… is Hell.

“It doesn’t seem so bad.”

“Oh, I assure you that it is. It’s just that you haven’t been ‘processed’ yet.”

“This is sort of your waiting area slash limbo slash purgatory slash pre-Hell which is where you are ‘assessed’.”


“Accurate as to your situation, but I think that ‘Oh’ simplifies what will be… and be… and so on… and soon.”


“Yes, we can assess, process and access in minutes. Actually, I think they are nearly ready for you – what is your number?”


“Number. You took a number from the machine as you came in, didn’t you?”

“No. I’m sorry, I didn’t know that I had to.”

“No worries (well, lots of worries for you really) I can pop a number out of a hat for you… a hypothetical hat though, as I don’t wear them; no need, you see, it never gets cold down here. There you go.”

“Thanks- thirty-three and a third?”

“Well, you were a ‘disc-jockey’.”

“And who said that the Devil doesn’t have a sense of humour?”

“I think they got a lot of things about me wrong. But, a lot of things were spot on. Off you go, your numbers being called. Enjoy your stay.”

“Thanks – will we meet again after I have been… sorted?”

“I would think so, I have a lot of time for… well, let’s just say that I have a lot of time, shall we. Until then, toodle-pip!”


The fated soul walked slowly towards…


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