Monthly Archives: October 2016



Me: Siri? Is a coconut a coconut?

Siri: I have found a site that states that a coconut is ‘usually’ a coconut. Try here to seek further verification.

Me: Sorry, Siri, what I meant to ask was: is a coconut a nut?

Siri: That makes more sense. No, a coconut is not a nut, neither is it a fruit nor a vegetable… furthermore it is not a potato neither is it a banana; it has never claimed to be an aardvark; and only on one occasion (as far as is known) has a coconut tried to pass itself off as an occasional table.

Me: Thank you Siri.

Siri: You are welcome. If you would like to ask any further stupid questions feel free.

Me: Quite.

3 wrongs don’t make a…


The words that I write
Don’t always hit the right spot;
A rite of passage?

Move Along – Nothing Of Any Worth Here to See.


I have nothing to say;
No poetry today,
So please don’t bother
To read this.

Come back on another day
When, hopefully, I may
Have words of worth
Writ upon the earth
Both physically and literally.

So, off you toddle
To get on with unfinished
(Or unstarted) projects
That need to be done;
Whilst I sit here
And contemplate the irony
Of smoothing out my lumpy words
Or just ceasing with the thoughts of decreasing them
Before they get out of hand
And land
Upon this empty space…
Let’s face it,
You’d be better off
If you had more money
But, only financially…

The Bing Bong Song

To the tune of…

A figure of fun
Is not the one
To lead your count-a-ry
A figure of fun
Is not the one
So stop his trumpery
He’s mad, America, mad? yes!
Goodness can’t you see
That figure of fun
Is not the one
So stop his tomfoolery.

Think on me when I am gone


Think on me when I am gone

Think on me
When I am gone
As if I were
A departed scone
And fondly remember
That tea-time treat
With cream atop
And jam so sweet
And pronounce me gone
As if a scone
Unless alone
When you ‘can’ say scone.

Io live in Totton (Italian/Scottish version)


(In un accento scozzese)
Io vivo in Tartan
E anche se ho un accento scozzese cattivo
Io non sono scozzese
Ma, di tanto in tanto,
Sono un po ‘ombroso
Che potrebbe essere solo nervi
O più probabilmente il fatto che io vivo in Tartan!