A Pirate’s Life For Me?

The illiterate pirates fired a sideboard at the merchant ship.

“That’s my best sideboard!” hollered the captain, who was quite well educated – for a pirate, anyways. “I told you to fire a broadside!” he continued.

“Well you shouldn’t have written it down – your handwriting is a bit small.” came the reply from “Slack-Jaw” Jenkins.

“A ‘bit’ small?” queried the captain. “I writes it all in upper case!”

“I think he means it’s ‘abysmal!’ suggested the first mate. “And he’s right Your hand-writing is like you’ve used a cat of nine-tails rather than a quill.”

“Well, we shall be havin’ us some schooling to put that right, me hearties. The four Arrrs!” quipped the captain.

“Four Arrrs, cap’n?” asked the first mate? “I thought there were only three.”

“You forgets Arrr-rum!”

“What about Arrr-chery?” called Billy Bowman, the lone archer onboard.

“Or Arrr-t!”


“Arrr-ival procedures at ports!”


“Arrr-madillo recognition!”

“Enough, already!” the captain hollered even louder this time. “It’s Arrr-reading; Arrr-writing and Arrr-rithmatic.”

“That’s still only three.”

“Okay. The fourth is Arrr-tisan bakery – I do love a fresh loaf.”

There was general agreement to this amongst the crew, as the sideboard sank to the bottom of the briny.

The Pirates were going to be in for some education – life upon the ocean waive (sic) would never be the same again.

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