Monthly Archives: August 2016

Washian Roulette

Silliness? G:)

Graeme Sandford

washing the cat

Washian Roulette

Spin, spin, spin;

Will I win?

Red or Black?

Lose or win?

Where and when will the whites within

Choose to land?

Round and round

The machine is sound

It will not play me false 

It dances back and forwards

Like a modern-day Dickensian waltz

The powders and the liquids 

Help to clear my mindings

If it all goes to plan

I shall be pleased with final findings

Spin, spin, spin;

Shall I win?

Or shall the chamber be filled

With a bulletin of promises

That leaves my tears so spilled

Watching and waiting

Waiting and wondering

If all this time I’m waiting for a joining

Or waiting for a sundering.

Spin, spin, spin… 

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Please don’t read this (as you won’t get those minutes back).


I’m crazy
Not right in the head
I’m crazy
Not right in the head

And maybe a little lazy
If I can be bothered to get out of bed
Which I can’t…
And so I’m confined
To be less refined
Than a bag of sugar.
Upon which note
(I wrote)
I shall curtail
This waffle
As it’s awful offal
And you should not be subjected
To such waffleness!
No, indeedy not.
But, please forgive me for the minutes that you can never get back.

I’m sorry.


Rotten Nursery Rhymes


It’s raining
It’s pouring
Her old man is boring
He went to bed
She bumped his head
He didn’t get up ever again.

Haiku: ‘Twenty-Eight – The Haiku Race!’ By Graeme Sandford

28 haiku on the 28th August, 2014 – and the finish line was in sight. G:)

Graeme Sandford



“I really don’t care
If I’m being pedantic:

I don’t write Haikus !”



And what’s wrong with that?”
Questioned the two-cornered man,
Then he wrote seven.

“If I do write one…
Does it have to have a rhyme?”
Asked the cautious type.

“I am not ‘that’ keen;
Maybe it’s my veruka,”
He opined shyly.

The challenge began:
Two-Corners versus Cautious;
The crowd were silent.

Two-C wrote a lot;
Cautious started quite a few;
Some of them did rhyme.

At the mid-way point;
Two-C was well in the lead;
Cautious lacked paper.

Some of the haiku
Were disqualified for length
And some due to taste;

Too long or too short;
Too sweet or a little sour;
The judges were harsh!

More paper was sought
For Cautious to continue;
He’d filled up the bin!

He cried out “Paper!”
He made an awful loud din;
Would Cautious-Type win?

But the…

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A little historical item just for you.


Back in the Summer of 1602
I wasn’t alive
And neither were you;
Queen Elizabeth the First was about to die
(As we all will one day
Because time goes by);
The Tudor dynasty was nearly done
And soon Jimmy the Six
Would be James the One.

“What has all this to with me?”
I hear you say
“Nothing!” I reply, “It’s just history.”
And, also, my post for you today.”


Haiku: ‘Twenty-Seven – Dolmio and Oubliette’ by Graeme Sandford

This is just one of the many fine pieces in ‘Bardly Writ’ which is available from the link on my home page or to be found at Apart from the hard sell, it’s worth a read. G:)

Graeme Sandford


A Play in Three Parts

(‘also’ A Part in Three Plays)

Act 1, Scene 1, Line…

“One fine day – in May –

Our story does not take place

In fair Verona.

But in England’s… land…

It happens in happening;

And these our players.”

Enters Stage Left.

Dolmio: Where is the sun;

And where Oubliette?

Have my eyes crossed?

Will my star fall in this time?

Or shall we be met.

Enters. Oubliette:

How now, Dolmio, what’s up?

Though lookest perturb’d.

Dolmio: Ay, me!

I am of such strange humous;

Or mean I ‘humours?’

Oub: Dolmio, my;

Thou are surely in a state

Denmark, it is not!

Dol: Oubliette, fair;

Thou hast eyes to see my pain

And heart to feel it.

Act 1Scene 2 line

‘Twenty-nine years, but we have,

Between both of us.

Dear love, our parents

Do not love us together

As they do apart.

Quothéd Dolmio.

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Time by Jane Goldsack @Jane_Goldsack


Our ‘actual’ clock!

Clock face blisters in the early morning sun
Hands entwine together forever
For us, time stands still

Haiku: Twenty-Four (Quatre-Vingt) by Graeme Sandford

I read this again, today! I liked it. G:)

Graeme Sandford



Part le Une.

Twenty-four, n’est-ce pas?
Who is writing this: c’est moi!
It’s gone ‘la-di-da!’

A half-French Haiku?
Now, how does that sound to you?
It’s your Waterloo!

In Eighteen-Fifteen,
Somewhere in little Belgium,
Allies met the Foe.

That was yonks ago.
And Wellington won the war;
What is fighting for?

Napoleon lost;
His armies up his sleevies:
As the old joke goes.

England’s ‘Shopkeepers’
Had ensured we’d speak English
And the French wouldn’t.

Part le deux.

It’s September soon;
It was ‘once’ the ‘seventh’ month;
But, it isn’t now.

I studied French once;
That was at school, long ago,
I was ‘un garçon!’

The closest I get
To that, is in restaurants,
With Je m’excuse!’

Not that I say ‘that’
To the garçon, Dieu forbid!
‘That’ would be weird.

So, we are ‘not’ French;
Do not really speak ‘le’ French;
And probably won’t.

They don’t speak English

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Bicycle Statistics

9 Million Bicycles


There are nine billion bicycles in…


I know

Because I counted them.

As it has taken me nearly

Two years

To do so,

I may have counted some


Or even



Beauregard’s Tale (part of).


A fan?

Rosie had little, or no, regard for Beauregard, the house mouse. In fact, after a cursory glance, she paid him not the slightest amount of attention whatsoever. However, this was perfectly okay with Beauregard, as he liked the quiet life; and, to be honest, having a cat as an enemy, or at the least as a tormentor, would have made the days seem like long days, really long days, really long days indeed – that’s if he survived them.

Beauregard had arrived in the Hotel d’Or one Summer day due to a misunderstanding that he had had between the direction ‘left’ and the direction ‘right.’ To explain, his mother told him to turn ‘left’ at the old oak tree, and, as Beauregard didn’t know what an oak tree and was too afraid to ask, he turned ‘right’ (as he also had difficulties with directional information) when he reached the five-bar gate that allowed access to and from their field.