Monthly Archives: July 2016

¿Witches more?


Audience Member: Which witch is which?
Witch 2: Well you may ask.
AM: I ‘am’ asking!
W2 (to W1): Oh, well which one are you?
W1: Yes. That’s right.
W2: Sorry?
W1: I am which one.
W2: That was what I was asking. Which one are you?
W1: I. Am. Witch. One!
W2: O. Kay. (turning to Witch 3): And which one are you?
W3: No, she’s Witch One, I’m Witch Three.
W2: O. Kay. (to Witch One): ‘You’ are Witch One?
Witch One: Yes.
Witch Two (to Witch Three): ‘You’ are Witch Three?
Witch Three: Yes.
Witch Two: And ‘I’ am…
Witches One and Three: A right royal pain in the jacksie!
Witch Two: Ladies! Would you mind your language, there are chickens present.
Witches One and Three: Children!
Witch Two: What! Ever!
Witch Three (to audience member): Aren’t you glad you asked?

Witch One: And now! In Spanish!

Witches All: ¿Cuando vamos a conocer a tres de nuevo?

Witches One and three: iPaella!

Witch Two (sighing): Manaña.

The Witches One and Three cackle manically.


I stopped for a moment


And, for a while, I stopped;
Breathed. Relaxed. Unwound.
But, tiredness will creep up upon a man;
And, if it catches him unawares
He, and it, will seek conjunction
And task will be left.
So, move I did
And resumed the path of toil.

A Goldfish Mentality and a Squirrel- where!!


A Ewe in the Mist

“Where have you been?


Will’s Latest Sonnet sketch (in the style of Bob Newhart)


Will’s Latest Sonnet (in the style of Bob Newhart)
Will’s Agent is going over some parchments with disdain; picking, glancing and discarding them in succession.

SFX Phone Rings

WA picks up the phone

SFX The phone stops ringing

WA: Hel-lo?

Will’s Agent holds up the conversation one-sidedly.

WA: Oh, hi, Will, baby! Yeah, I was just giving your latest, ah… poem the once over – it’s a doozie!
Sonnet. Yes, that’s what you do isn’t it? Sonnets… (Seeks and finds parchment of Sonnet XVIII ) …
sonnets, sonnets, sonnets, one after the other, all in a row; and this one you’ve called… Sonnet X.V.I.I.I. Snappy title, Will. After the other seventeen I’m not that surprised. And I absolutely ‘love’ the rhyme scheme and the rhythm ‘ tum-te-dum-te-dum-te-dum’ (as in The Archers) ‘tum-te-dum-de-dum-dum…’ again.

Yeah, yeah,I know Will, this one is the best one yet… but that’s what you said about Sonnet X.V.I.I!

(WA reads snatches of poem with yada yada yada at end – as below, for example)

WA: …Summer’s day… Rough winds… Eternal this, eternal that, another Summer, yada, yada, yada…”


Finger Buffet!


A ‘Finger Buffet!’
With real fingers!
Paper plates
My plates of meat
(My feet)
Got me out of there
Quicker than you could say
‘Peter Piper sold seashells whilst picking a peck of pickled pepper on the sea shore!’

Thought for the Day #1


It is the morning of another day…
Well, it is where I am;
Where you are it may be the afternoon,
The evening
Or the night.
GMT or BST for me
You can be in front
Or behind
Or alongside of me
But, I suppose if you are in the same Latitude (or is it Longitude)
As me, you could be in a different time zone (that is, if you are not using BST).
It’s like Stalactites and Stalagmites, I get the two confused… Don’t you?
And when Port used to be Larboard
I would surely have got Larboard mixed up with Starboard – though here’s a clue ‘Port’ has four letters as does ‘Left’ so that helps… unless you get left and right mixed up).
Also, Stalagtites hang down like tights, with the Stalagmites growing up ‘might they achieve the heights?’.

I do hope that this stream of thought upon a Sunday morning, Sunday afternoon, Sunday evening, Saturday night, other, may have been / be of use.

Take care and travel time safely.



PS For ‘Latitude’ think ‘Laterally’

The Woodpecker vs. the Yellowhammer.

Some things need to be reblogged. This doesn’t, but I shal reblog it anyway as it’s a silly Saturday. G:)

Graeme Sandford


TheWoodpecker vs. the Yellowhammer.

SFX knocking sounds as of a bird in the forest.

Ackbi: Here, Tarlin, does that sound like a Eurasian Three-Toed Woodpecker to you?

Tarlin: It does ‘sound’ like a Eurasian Three-Toed; but, it’s not.

Ackbi: Are you absolutely sure?

Tarlin: Yes.

Ackbi: Could it be a Lesser-Spotted Woodpecker?

Tarlin: Lesser-Spotted! Never.

Ackbi: Well, how about the Hispaniolan Woospecker?

Tarlin: Definitely not!

Ackbi: Do you know what it is?

Tarlin: It is a Yellowhammer.

Ackbi: What!! Are you loopy? The Yellowhammer doesn’t make that sound; it has a very mellifluous trill and it’s call is ‘nothing’ at all like that.

Tarlin: I assure you that I am correct. Look over there.

Ackbi: At that man up that ladder?

Tarlin: Yes; that’s Paul; and he has a…

Ackbi: Yes?

Tarlin: …yellow hammer.

Ackbi: (Groans) Badum-Tish!

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